


Life and School between Heaven and Hell (a.k.a. High School of the Damned: The Reboot)

by 305unreal, Hillbilly_Leprechaun



Category: Multi-Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Cat and Dog are separate people, Crossover Pairings, Domestic Violence, Drag Queens, Episode Related, F/F, F/M, Fae & Fairies, Gang Violence, Gen, Global Justice is the Adolescent Version of the CIA, I'm Getting Confused, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Magic, Multi, Online Friendship, Other Additional Fandoms to Be Added, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other additional characters to be added, Recreational Drug Use, Sibling Incest, Stalking, Step-Sibling Incest, Zak and Wheezie are separate people, animals turned human
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 54,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22124248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/305unreal/pseuds/305unreal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hillbilly_Leprechaun/pseuds/Hillbilly_Leprechaun
Summary: Some families and relationships are damned from the beginning. Who will survive the wars of the gangs, the drugs, the magic, the love? Who will survive the oftentimes terrifying, damned perils of high school?
Relationships: Ace Copular/Snake, Alex Jane & Magnus Breech & Lionel Luthor, Alex Jane & Patrick Jane, Alvin Seville/Simon Seville, Anthony DiNozzo/Timothy McGee, Auggie Anderson/Annie Walker, Babar & Céleste (Babar), Babar/Rataxès (Babar), Baljeet Tjinder/Buford van Stomm, Beast Boy/Raven, Beck Oliver/Jade West, Becky Botsford | WordGirl/Theodore "Tobey" McCallister III, Belle/Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold, Bert/Ernie (Sesame Street), Bill/Aldo (Sitting Ducks), Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Blossom Utonium & Bubbles Utonium & Buttercup Utonium, Bonnie Bennett/Basil Stocker, Brian Griffin/Stewie Griffin, Brother Bear/Too-Tall Grizzly (Berenstain Bears), Bubbles Utonium & Snake Ingleberry, Bugs Bunny/Daffy Duck, Buster Baxter/Arthur Timothy Read, Carl Foutley/Blake Gripling, Carlton Lassiter/Shawn Spencer, Caroline Forbes/Maurice (Madagascar), Cat Valentine/Jade West, Chad Danforth/Ryan Evans, Chandler Bing/Joey Tribbiani, Charlie Brown/Linus van Pelt, Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, Clark Kent/Lex Luthor, Cleo/Mac (Clifford), Cody Martin/Zack Martin, Colin Fisher/Lance Sweets, Colin Fisher/Vincent Nigel-Murray, Cornélius/Pompadour (Babar), Dale "Barbie" Barbara/James "Junior" Rennie, Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Daphne Blake/Velma Dinkley, Daphne Blake/Zuko (Avatar), David "Gordo" Gordon/Lizzie McGuire, Dean Craig Pelton/Jeff Winger, Delete/Digit LeBoid, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Dorothy Ann/Wanda Li, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Duckie Dale/Andie Walsh, Edd & Zack Addy, Elena Gilbert/Damon Salvatore, Elena Gilbert/Stefan Salvatore, Evie/Mal (Disney), Ezra Fitz/Aria Montgomery, Fenton/Phantom, Frankie Grande/Zach Rance, Freddie Benson/Sam Puckett, Freddy/Peck (Barnyard), Garfield Logan/Raven, Gil/Harry Hook, Glanni Glæpur/Daisy Blake (one-sided), Glanni Glæpur/Íþróttaálfurinn, Gregory Valentine & Cat Valentine, Gregory Valentine/Ryan Evans, Gunther Breech/Jane Turnkey, Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus, Jackie Burkhart/Steven Hyde, Jackson Stewart/Elena Gilbert, Jackson Stewart/Rico Suave, Jacob Rosenberg/Buford Pugh (Jacob Two-Two), James "Junior" Rennie/Grace Gardner (one-sided), Jay/Carlos de Vil, Jeanette Miller/Simon Seville, Jimmy Neutron/Cindy Vortex, Jo Polniaczek/Blair Warner, Joey Tribbiani & Edd & Glanni Glæpur, Josh Nichols/Drake Parker, Josh Nichols/Jessie Puff Jr, Jude Lizowski/Jonesy Garcia, Judy Hopps/Nick Wilde, Kenneth Parcell/Devon Banks, Kim Possible/Shego, Kimball Cho/Patrick Jane, King Julien XIII/Kowalski, King Julien XIII/Rico, King Julien XIII/Skipper, Kojirou | James/Lex Luthor, Kronk/Kuzco, Kuki Sanban/Sokka (Avatar), Larry 3000/Buck Tuddrussel, Lex Luthor/Draco Malfoy, Mandark Astronomanov/Dexter, Mandy/Nergal Junior, Maya Gallo/Dennis Finch, Menlo/Randall Weems, Missy Cooper & Georgie Cooper Jr., Missy Cooper & Sheldon Cooper, Missy Cooper/Matt McGuire, Mitchell Pritchett/Cameron Tucker, Oliver Hampton/Connor Walsh, Oliver Oken/Lilly Truscott, One-sided Edd/Dawn Blake (Ed Edd n Eddy), One-sided Joey Tribbiani/Dorothy Blake, Oswald Cobblepot/Charles Van Dahl, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, Oswald Cobblepot/Jim Gordon, Oswald Cobblepot/Victor Zsasz, Penelope Garcia & Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Peppermint Fizz/Strawberry Shortcake, Peter Niedermayer/Gregory Valentine, Phil Lester/Ethan Ritter, Phoebe Halliwell/Cole Turner, Piper Halliwell/Leo Wyatt, Pitch Pearl - Relationship, Rajesh Koothrappali/Howard Wolowitz, Rake/Pepper (Jane and the Dragon), Reggie Rocket/Lars Rodriguez, Reggie Rocket/Twister Rodriguez, Rita Bennett/Dexter Morgan, Robbie Rotten/Sportacus, Ryan Atwood/Seth Cohen, Sally Brown/Linus van Pelt, Sam Puckett/Carly Shay, Sam Puckett/Spencer Shay, Sheldon Cooper/Amy Farrah Fowler, Sherlock Holmes & Joan Watson (Elementary), Sister Bear/Too-Tall Grizzly (Berenstain Bears), Socrates "Sock"/Aristotle "Ari", Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), SpongeBob SquarePants/Squidward Tentacles, Strut/Clutch (Turbo Dogs), T. J. Detweiler & Menlo & Randall Weems, TJ Detweiler & Cindy Vortex & Molly MacDonald & Anthony DiNozzo & Mailbox (Blue's Clues), Toby Curtis/Happy Quinn, Trixie Decker/Stephanie Meanswell, Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir, Velma Dinkley/Norville "Shaggy" Rogers, Vincent Nigel-Murray/Zack Addy, Wallabee Beetles/Kuki Sanban, Walter Valentine/Jessie Puff Sr, Wilberforce Claybourne Humphries/Dick Lucas, Xander Harris/Spike, Zach Rance & Matt McGuire, Zack Addy/Grace Gardner, Zack Addy/Lance Sweets, Zack Morris/A.C. Slater, Zak & Wheezie (Dragon Tales), Zak/Cassie (Dragon Tales)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	1. The Last Week of Winter Vacation

** Tuesday, January 7th **

Fourteen-year-old "brother" trio Alvin Bagdasarian, Simon Russell, and Theodore Matarazzo have been living with their foster father David “Dave” Seville for almost a week. Despite the differences in their last names, the boys grew up together in Fallin's Foster Home. Alvin, a freshman, acts out. Though he doesn’t want to go back to the foster home, he also doesn’t want another family to try and separate them or give them back. Theodore, another freshman, is excited to have another family. He has high hopes for this one, although the same could be said for all of them. Simon, a sophomore, loves his brothers but trusts no one else.

That being said, Simon is the teenager who sticks back to talk to David when they’re off to walk around town.

“David… could we borrow your gold watch today?”

“My gold watch?”

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the watch. He looks between the object and the young man in front of him.

“Do you have trouble keeping time?”

Simon shrugs. “We’re the new kids again. Look, I’ll be straight with you. I’m going to the library, and the boys are going to the park. Alvin and I’ll be fine, but Theo could use it.”

Dave nods in understanding. He hands off the watch, and Simon thanks him wordlessly. Simon adjusts his glasses as he hands the watch off to his shortest brother.

“Here, Theo. You’re in charge of Alvin and keeping time. Remember seeing that rock fountain outside the deli?” Theo nods, with his mouth watering at the thought. “Meet me there in three hours, okay?”

“Okay!” He grins, pocketing the watch.

The brothers go their separate ways, each with a different mindset on their current predicament.

Seventeen-year-old senior Maya Gallo has been interning at the Inquisitor since October. Her dream is to have her name on hard-hitting articles in magazines to be proud of. Her boss Christy, however, generally exists to make that dream impossible. Maya paces back and forth in her small, open cubicle with her phone glued to her ear. She barely started typing the latest article when she had an itch to call the man in charge of this column.

“Bill, hi. It's Maya Gallo.”

The man on the other line grunts. “The intern kid?”

“You remember me. Do you really want to start tonight's news off with a story on strippers?”

“Yes, I do. Do you have a better idea, monthly intern girl?”

“Well, call me crazy, but it _is_ MLK Day.”

“And I’m Director of the column. Keep up with this another two or three years, and you can spout out all the shit you want.”

Maya is offended when Bill hangs up on her. She sets the phone down and stares at the paper in front of her, reading out the pen scrawls.

“Could this job get any worse? Who wrote this garbage? _East Oaks city police officials report a decrease in gang violence_?”

Christy steps into her cubicle, snatching the notebook from the girl’s hands. “That would be _my_ garbage. And quit making it sound so clinical.” She leans over Maya and edits the words. _East Oaks city police officials tell me gang violence is down._ “There. Now I am involved in the story.”

“Y’know, you’re right.” Maya nods. “People would _love_ to see you involved in gang violence.”

“Is that a joke at my expense?” She huffs. “It is, isn’t it? Okay, you seem to be forgetting I have been working the liaison news for more than two years. And you?”

“Three months,” Maya mumbles, head ducking down.

“Whatever.” She rolls her eyes. “Make changes and send them to the Teleprompter. I need to give the news to the station.”

Maya groans and mumbles to herself as Christy walks away. The teen girl cracks her knuckles and starts typing. In front of the Inquisitor building, Christy acts as the liaison for the news crews. She grips her microphone and begins reading her new copies off the Teleprompter.

“New hope in the city's war on gangs. Police officials tell me gang violence is down since last year. They tell me they credit the decrease to the removal of the frontal lobe of my brain. In a related story, I wet myself.”

Christy blinks after hearing herself. When the cameras turn away from her, she storms back into her offices. Maya is at her desk, having already packed a box. A look passes between them, and Maya knows she’s not coming back. A short drive later, Maya walks into her basic apartment in Lava Springs. She absently notices three young teenagers yelling at two older boys across the street.

Seventeen-year-old senior Jesse Parcell snorts as his eighteen-year-old delinquent best friend Frank Puckett steals a golden watch from Theo.

“… because it’s mine!” He whines. “Alviiin!”

His ball-capped brother steps in front of the bullies and Simon places a hand on the shorter boy’s shoulder.

“You can’t just steal that watch from my brother!” Alvin demands. “It’s not worth much, but my brother loves that watch!”

Frank leers at him and shoves him back easily. There are a good two feet between them height-wise, and Alvin’s voice squeaks. The younger boy topples backward, causing the three boys to fall to the ground. Jessie snags the watch from his friend, grinning at the fallen kids.

“Thanks for the keepsake boys. Maybe I’ll melt it down for some gold bullets, huh?”

The older boys walk away, leaving the dejected brothers on the ground.

“Hey!” Maya’s eighteen-year-old roommate Autry Wolf calls out from the kitchen when she steps into their apartment. “I’m glad you’re home.”

“I have big news.” Maya grins, setting down her bag and keys and plopping onto the couch next to him.

“Me too.” Autry smiles. “You go first.”

“Okay, so I got fired, but I had this job interview,”

“No, okay. Me first. Know how I’m working back at the old high school right?”

“It’s my rival school, Autry. How could I not?”

He rolls his eyes at her sarcasm. “Okay, so I was in the teacher’s lounge and eating my raisins. The new gym teacher walks in, Miss Shieldmeyer, and I ask her out.”

Maya’s eyebrows rise. “She said yes?”

Autry deflates. “That would’ve made a better story. So, you got fired again. Did you get the new one? Who’s it with?”

“Newsweek. And, well, it’s down to me and this girl, Dee-Dee. Very affectionate. Even hugged when we left.”

The rest of their afternoon is filled with popcorn and binging on Netflix.

** Wednesday, January 8th **

Early in the morning, Simon carries a magazine as he walks into Alvin’s room. He stops in front of the TV set, disrupting Alvin and their other brother from playing a video game. Simon ignores Alvin’s complaints and instead shoves the magazine in his face.

“Look at these _real stories_ , Al. Real teenagers who got bullied from around the nation. Know what they all have in common?”

“They all got their watches stolen?”

“No, Theo.” Simon sighs. “They all got back. They stood up to their bullies. I think it’s time we do the same.”

Although Theo is nervous and Alvin is skeptical, they pause their game and join Simon in his room to come up with a plan. A few hours later, Maya has just gotten out of the shower when she gets a phone call. There are no more teacher workdays until school starts, so Autry is home, fixing a sandwich.

“Hello, Maya Gallo speaking.”

“Miss Gallo, this is Veronica Winchester from Newsweek. We’ve checked your references.”

“… is that a good thing?” She asks after a long pause.

“We’re going with Darileanah Cressida.”

“You mean Dee-Dee?” Maya asks incredulously. “But… we hugged.”

Victoria hangs up on her, and Maya groans. Keeping aware of the towel covering her body, she falls onto the couch. Autry walks over and slides over two dishes with a sandwich on each. Maya waves hers off.

“You don’t want to work for a hugger. They wrinkle your clothes.” He considers it a success that he makes her smile.

“God, you know, you make one liason cry on the air, and all of a sudden, you've got an attitude.”

Autry nods. “Know what? I’m just gonna throw this out there.”

Maya looks over and cuts him off. “I am _not_ going to go see my father. I haven’t seen him since the wedding. _Three_ years ago.” Autry nods again. “He married the senior year homecoming queen when I was a freshman. What kind of a man does that?”

“Ding.” Autry ticks an invisible mark in the air. “What is a rich man?”

“Augh.” Maya groans and grabs her sandwich. “Just shoot me now.”

In a double-decker Phildale house, a woman wearing a blue and white polka-dotted housecoat has been completing chores around the house while her thirteen-year-old eighth grader son, Brother, reads his comic books on the couch, and her twelve-year-old seventh grader daughter, Sister, competitively jumps rope down the sidewalk. She comes to the siblings’ shared room and becomes enraged.

“Brother! I have told you and Sister time and time again to clean your room!”

“It looks fine in there!” He shouts back without bothering to check.

“Fine!? There are food wrappers on the dresser, clothes strewn around the bed, your birdhouse is crushed to pieces, and I can see spiders!”

Brother is at her side in an instant. “Ah, no! My birdhouse!”

It took him most of last semester to build the birdhouse for his technology class. He was very proud of it. His mama tsks. “Go ahead and get started cleaning. I’m going to call Sister and have her come home and help.” As she pulls a phone from her pocket, she adds, “And don’t think I don’t know that most of this mess is yours.”

Alvin, Simon, and Theodore return to the park with a remote-control airplane. Simon grabs the remote and hides behind a low wall. While he’s five inches taller than Alvin, he’s still a short teenager. Alvin runs off toward the pond, leaving Theo alone with the plane. He pretends to fly it while it never leaves his hand. Ten minutes later, Jesse and Frank spot him. The older boys gang up on him quickly.

“Look at that, Frankie! The little turd has another gift for us.”

“No, it’s mine, you big bullies!” Theo protests.

“Ooh, look who gained some backbone!” Jesse taunts again.

“I’m warning you,” Theo claims with his voice wavering. “My fighter jet pilot doesn’t like bullies! He might attack!”

The boys laugh it off, and Theo chucks the plane in the opposite direction. The older boys watch, and Jesse nudges Frank to chase after it. Simon grabs control of the plane and uses it to swoop toward Frank’s face but zip up in time. The plane continues in this fashion, and it begins to chase Frank. Jesse looks suspicious, but Alvin takes the divided attention and sneaks up behind him.

Theo is watching the plane scene with a curious grin. The plane chases Frank into the pond screaming, and then it turns on Jesse. The older boy doesn’t look scared, so Simon heads to his hair like a buzzsaw. The plane’s front blade dips down and pulls out a small patch of hair. Jesse yelps in surprise.

“Dunno who the hell is flying that thing, but you are so dead!”

He turns to chase the plane, but he trips over Alvin. Both boys fall, but Jesse ignores the other in favor of chasing the toy. When the older boy fell, the pocket watch fell out, and Theo managed to grab it. He helps Alvin to his feet, and they walk over to where Simon is sitting on the wall, feet barely dangling.

“You’re not flying the plane anymore?” Alvin cocks his head, watching Jesse chase the plane. “Where is it?”

Simon shrugs. “Sold it to a kid. We got the watch back, and I made ten bucks.”

“And you sold my plane.” Alvin frowns.

“Bigger picture, Al. Bigger picture.”

Alvin grumbles to himself as the boys walk back home. In the Phildale house, Sister has picked up her share of the room. She’s also picked up the old wrappers, so they won’t be inviting any more spiders. Brother loudly groans as he swipes up a few old board games they never play anymore.

“I have an idea!”

Sister looks up from her desk where she’s setting out her coloring books. “Hire someone?”

“Sorta.” He dials a familiar number and grins when his cousin picks up. “Hey, Freddie. Wanna make some money?”

“Not right now, Brother. I’m actually kind of busy.”

Brother deflates. “Doing what?”

“I just bought a mobile plane, and I’m down at the park in Lava Springs.”

“Lava Springs?” He sighs. “Alright… have fun.”

“No luck?” Sister questions without looking up from her picture when the phone call ends.

“No luck.”

“You need better organization skills. Even your locker at school is a mess.”

“I know.”

** Thursday, January 9th **

Brother has tried to fix his room, but he has too many things. He keeps causing avalanche after avalanche. His mama walks in around noon with her hands on her hips. His papa is behind her. He’s disappointed, but not upset, as he sets down five crates. His papa walks away, and his mama approaches him.

“Okay, Brother. It’s time. I need you to find some games you never play, books you never read, and the clothes you never wear. We’re going to have a yard sale.” She drops an additional box on Sister’s desk, where she’s coloring again. “Sister, find some things you don’t use too. Papa and I will do the same.”

** Friday, January 10th **

Freshman Strawberry Shortcake Heinke wakes up energetically. After brushing her teeth in the shower, she puts on her sparkiest T-shirt and bedazzled jeans. She grabs her favorite strawberry-adorned headband and comes to a stop in the middle of the kitchen. It’s eerily quiet. Usually, her seven-year-old second-grader sister Apple would be running around, or her mom would be baking a delicious snack for later.

“Mom? Apple?” Strawberry calls out to no avail.

Her dog, Pupcake, wakes up and toddles over. She allows him to lick her hand as she slumps in a chair at the table.

“Where are they, Pupcake? I can’t believe they forgot my birthday.” She glances over to her keys hanging on the wall by the fridge. “Maybe Bev remembered.”

Strawberry feeds her dog and grabs her keys. She grabs her helmet on the way out and jumps onto her electric scooter. She’s off today at the Decoy Café, but she decides it’s the best place to start.

Back in Lava Springs, seventeen-year-old junior Phil Lester feels like he’s ten years younger. When another hamster is born, he carefully wraps it up and hands it off to his mum Kathryn. Seven have been born so far, and Kathryn has already told him that he can’t keep any.

“How ‘bout I just keep the runt o’ the litta?”

“Phil,” She looks at him pointedly. “How’s that cactus from Christmas?” He blanches and looks at the ground. “My point.”

Down in Phildale, the Bears’ yard sale is underway. It’s nearly seven in the morning, and the kids are chugging some sweet lemonade to keep awake. Brother’s classmates Zack and Cody Martin are two of the first to stop by. Zack makes a beeline to the table with the comic books, while Cody gravitates toward the IKEA furniture. Eleven-year-old sixth-grader Lulu Lassiter pleads with her mom Mona to stop at the sale, though Mona stays in the car. Seventeen-year-old seniors Buford Pugh and Jacob Rosenberg also join the sale while riding by on skateboards.

Lulu finds a boombox and is shocked by the sound quality. She notices an opening for a microphone and walks up to the kids throwing the sale.

“You want the boombox?” Brother asks begrudgingly. “Five dollars.”

“Excuse me?” Sister scoffs. “That’s _my_ radio. Eight dollars. Nine, if you want me to throw in the attachable microphone.”

Lulu grins inwardly, the two acting like her and her brother. She thrusts out a ten-dollar bill. “Microphone, please. Keep the change.”

Buford finds a helmet with an image of a basketball net on the side and calls out his friend’s attention.

“Why do you need that? You don’t even play basketball; you play hockey!”

Buford contemplates this, and then he grabs a powder blue spray paint can that’s a similar color to the background shade of the image. Jacob grins approvingly and grabs a black spray paint can.

“Good idea! We can color out the backboard and add a hockey puck!”

“Wow! That’s better than my plan to spray paint ourselves so we blend in with the picture!”

“Yeah…”

The boys buy the items, and Buford hangs back. “Since I’m getting this one, you can sell my old one.” He hands Brother the helmet off his head and races after Jacob.

Brother turns to Sister. “If I sell it, does the money go to him?”

She starts to nod then stops. “I’m not sure. Who is he?”

Brother blinks. “I don’t know.”

They’re interrupted by another customer. Police officer Blue Backstrom is holding a crate of model airplanes.

“You’re an aviation enthusiast, Sir?” Brother asks, grabbing the toolbox with the money inside. “You can have the whole lot for twelve dollars.”

“Hardly.” The man scoffs, handing him a twenty-dollar bill. “I don’t understand why you kids like this crap. My son was crazy about kites. Best thing for him was when those wolf boys stole it.”

“… if you don’t like model airplanes, why are you buying them?” He asks, handing back the change.

“To burn the hideous things, of course.”

Blue walks away without a second glance, but Brother is angry. In the Lava Springs park, Apple has gathered with her twenty-one-year-old sister Custard, and Strawberry’s closest friends – fourteen-year-old freshmen Sally Brown, Katara DeWhit, and Kuki Sanban. Fifteen-year-old sophomore Buster Baxter was invited to help, but he’s sleeping in.

“So, what kind of party are we going to throw?” Sally asks. “We need to decide on something.”

“Okay.” Katara concedes. “What do we know about Strawberry?”

“She loves to dance!” Apple smiles, twirling. “So, we need to have music.”

“And she gardens,” Kuki adds. “So, we should throw it in the flowery part of the park.”

“And we need to have room for soccer.” Custard cuts in.

“I have a devious idea,” Katara admits. “Strawberry’s a great cook. What if we lured her out of the house and took some of the food already made in the house?”

“Very sneaky.” Kuki agrees. “But how do we get her out?”

“First,” Custard stands. “We need to make sure she’s still home. Alright. Apple, you and Sally set things up in the garden area. Kuki, go find Buster. Katara, come with me to find where Strawberry is.”

The friends break and go their separate ways. Hours later, near noon, they get the same text message from Strawberry: ‘Hey, I was going to check in with Mom at the Berry Café. Want to come with? Lunch is on me!’

‘Gardening’ is the excuse Apple and Sally give her, which makes the redhead more upset. ‘Shopping’ Katara writes while trying to balance some desserts the Heinkes have made in the past few days. ‘Watching a movie’ is what Custard types while keeping a low-profile watch on Strawberry standing beside her scooter outside the Decoy Café. ‘At a yard sale’ is what Strawberry reads from Kuki. The redhead pockets her phone and climbs on her scooter, setting off toward her mom’s work.

Kuki squeals and picks out two Rainbow Monkeys. A white one is dressed in woolly clothes and a red one dressed as a detective.

“Look! Snowday Rainbow for me, and Sooper Sleuth Rainbow for you!”

Buster grins. “I didn’t know they made one like a detective.” He digs through Sister’s old dolls and plushies, pulling out a green Monkey dressed as a chef. “How’s this one for Strawberry?”

“Ooh!” She gushes. “Sprinkle Kisses Baking Bonanza Rainbow Monkey! She’ll love it!”

“Score!” A nearby voice calls out. “A Jolly Roger case. Perfect fit for my boomerang!”

“Sokka, tell me we did not come here for your boomerang.” A very flamboyant teenager complains.

He’s dressed in shades of pink and purple with a fuzzy peach vest to accent the outfit. His twin brother is wearing a navy blue hoodie and purple violet sweatpants.

“Great. You found your case.” He grumbles. “Let’s go.”

“Hi, Sokka!” Kuki bounces over. “Who’re your friends?”

The fifteen-year-old sophomore grins, though a flush betrays his emotions. “H-hi, Kuki. The pink one is Glanni, and the sulking one is Robbie. They go to school with me.”

“Cool!” She smiles. “Well, we need to go. We just stopped by to find a present for Strawberry’s birthday. Bye!”

“Bye, Kuki!”

Fifteen-year-old sophomore Glanni Glaepur nudges Sokka with a shit-eating grin. “You got it bad for that chick.”

Sokka blushes further. He grabs a lilac feather boa and shoves it at him before walking away. Glanni inspects the item and wraps it around his neck.

“It goes, hmm?”

Robbie looks up and snorts. “Goes in the trash.”

“Why’d I ask you? Look at what you’re wearing.”

“It’s _January_. I’m not starting back my junior year as a popsicle.”

Glanni tsks and heads toward the checkout. Robbie follows, grabbing a quantum mechanics book and a palette from Charlotte Tilbury.

“Mama!” Sister calls out. “How much did you want for your makeup?”

As the girl and her mom discuss what price should be paid, Robbie scoops up a handful of dried leaves from the ground. Sister turns back to her customer with a smile.

“The makeup is fifteen dollars, and you can have the book for free.”

Robbie hands her the leaves, now glamoured to appear as money. He claims to give her twenty, and he receives five dollars in change.

In the park, Apple, Custard, Sally, Katara, and Kuki have everything set up. A soccer goal, ball, and cones are set up near the picnic ‘lunch’ in the garden area past the bridge and pond. Gifts are lined up on a low wall, and upbeat dance music is playing. Buster catches Strawberry on the sidewalk as she leaves the Berry Café.

“Hey, Strawberry!” He runs up and surprises her with a hug. “Happy birthday!”

She grins. “You remembered.”

“I did better than that.”

Buster hands over the gift bag he’s carrying, and Strawberry pulls out the chef-like Rainbow Monkey. She thanks him earnestly.

“I’ve got another surprise, but we need to travel there.”

“I only have the one helmet.”

“It’s not far.” He insists. “It’s in town. Well, it’s in the park. Trust me?”

She smiles and takes his hand. Leaving her scooter behind, Strawberry and Buster walk the fifteen-minute distance to the park. Crossing the bridge, she hears music and wonders aloud what might be happening.

“Maybe it’s a welcome party for aliens!” He suggests excitedly. “Let’s go see!”

She laughs but runs after him. She slows when he disappears around a large shrubbery, and she claps her hands over her face when she sees her friends.

“Is _this_ why you’ve all been busy today? This is fantastic! Thank you!”

Katara brings out the cake that she, Apple, and Sally made. Back at the yard sale, it’s ending. The siblings start to clean up, though there’s not much remaining. All their baby belongings are gone. Most of papa’s tools and mama’s toiletries have been sold. Brother still has some old games and sports equipment, while Sister still has an array of books. Two people are browsing, and fourteen-year-old freshman Dan Howell rests his bicycle against the mailbox when he notices the _Origin of Symmetry_ CD leaning against the stack of game boxes.

** Saturday, January 11th **

Fourteen-year-old freshman Spongebob Squarepants’s foghorn alarm clock goes off, waking him and his cat, Gary. Spongebob quickly dresses in brown pants, a white shirt, and a red tie. To prepare for the day, he attempts to lift a barbell but fails miserably. Skipping breakfast, Spongebob runs out the door, past his sixteen-year-old sophomore best friend Billy Uglio. Billy calls after him out the window and wishes him good luck. He then loses his balance and falls backward.

Arriving outside the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob psyches himself up to answer the call of the Help Wanted sign in the window and ask for a job as a fry cook. However, his fears get the better of him and he turns to leave, only to find Billy in his way.

“Billy? Weren’t you just…”

“Are you gonna get a job here?”

“I want to, Billy, but”

“And then I can come here all the time and see you and order burgers, and you can make those burgers and then I can east burgers and then I’ll come back and”

While Billy explains the job ideals to Spongebob, sixteen-year-old junior Squidward Tentacles is cleaning graffiti off the windows inside. Noticing the ‘Help Wanted’ sign, it clicks, and he quickly walks to the back room to talk to his boss and owner of the restaurant, Eugene H. Krabs.

“Mr. Krabs, my idiot neighbor wants to work here. You can’t hire him.”

“Eh? What’s the landlubber’s name?”

Squidward shudders. “Spongebob Squarepants. Laughs like a freaking dolphin. And wears that stupid red tie to school every day.”

The main door opens, and Mr. Krabs and Squidward reluctantly step out. Squidward crosses his arms, and Mr. Krabs puts his hands on his hips. Spongebob takes in a deep breath and confidently walks up to them.

“I’m here to apply for the position of fry coo---ahh!” Before he can finish the statement, the young teenager trips over a loose board. He crashes into a table, flipping it and landing square on his back in front of them. “… fry cook of the Krusty Crew.”

“How old are you, Kid?”

“Fourteen. Ready to work, Sir!”

Mr. Krabs looks over to Squidward and gives him a smirk. He looks back toward Spongebob and gives him a false grin.

“Tell you what, Boy-o. You can apply for the job once you’ve gone out and bought a hydro-dynamic spatuler.”

“Yes, Sir!” Spongebob salutes the man. He scrambles to his feet and runs out the door.

Squidward looks over to Mr. Krabs as he returns to the windows. “You made it up, right?”

Mr. Krabs nods minutely on his way to the backroom. “Sounds real, doesn’t it?”

In a middle-class Lava Springs apartment, seventeen-year-old junior Phil Lester sits in front of his bed with a box of small, squirming fuzzy creatures in front of him. A video camera is facing him, lopsidedly balanced on a stack of random books and DVDs.

“Hey, guys!” He greets his viewers on the Internet. “So, my brother Martyn took me to the cinema yesterday. We saw _Open Grave_. There’s this man, played by Sharlto Copley who wakes up in a pit of dead bodies with no memory of who he is or how he got there.” Phil refocuses the camera, so it shows his plushy lion, named Lion, on a pile of dirty laundry.

“So, he gets out of the pit, and he comes to this house. After he breaks in,” Phil grabs his plushy giraffe, named Daniel, and makes the giraffe hold a pencil at Lion. “Someone’s already inside with a gun. And the person inside makes him go to all these other people who don’t remember anything. And… I don’t want to reveal any more. You all should go watch it! It’s a great scary movie.

“And, if any of you are wondering about his moving box in front of me,” He readjusts the camera, so it faces him again. “My hamster had her babies! She had _thirteen_ babies. Can you believe it? Well, Kathryn wants me to find good homes for them all. We obviously can’t have any. And…” Cue black and white filter, and somber music. “Gerald the Cactus has died.” End filter and music.

“If any of you guys want a hamster, I’m going to be setting out location meets on my social media. First things first, we need to meet the hamsters. There was one orange guy in the lot.” He pulls out the corresponding hamster. “His name is Dorito.” Phil places him back in the box after showing his audience the closeups on the hamster’s face, body, and tail. He then proceeds to introduce the other dozen hamsters.

In the old, dilapidated Barg’N Mart in downtown Gotham, Spongebob has found the eluded hydro-dynamic spatula. He excitedly grabs it and carries it to the register.

“That’ll be forty bucks, Pal.” A disinterested store clerk tells the young kid as he ducks from a flying bottle thrown through the window.

“But… I only have twenty.” He frowns. “It’s really important that I have that spatula, Mister. Can’t I agree to do some work around here?”

“Beat it, Kid. Forty bucks or no deal.”

Before Spongebob can request something else in exchange, the door bursts open to reveal a gang. A woman with black pixie hair wearing very high heeled boots walks in first, followed quickly by a limping twenty-year-old college junior in a tailored suit. His bright blue eyes rival Spongebob’s. He holds an umbrella over the ganglord’s head. Trailing them are a twenty-two-year-old heavyset man and four other thugs. Everyone else has cleared away, aside from the man behind the register and the fourteen-year-old.

“Tell me… what’s your name, child?”

“Leave ‘im alone, Fish.” The register man calls out, a little wavering in his voice.

“Spongebob,” He informs her anyway.

“Why pray tell, after everyone else scattered, are you still here?”

He grabs the spatula from the counter. “I need this spatula, but it’s too expensive. I can only afford half.”

“Yes, Mr. Mathison has that effect to scam the less fortunate. Boys?” Two of the thugs go behind the counter. One slams the man’s head into the counter while the other empties the register. Spongebob jumps when Fish speaks again. “Now, I think you’ve paid enough. Take your spatula and run along now.”

Spongebob does as suggested. Fish snaps her fingers, and the thugs knock out the man before returning to her side. “Butch?” The heavyset man holds open the door; she nods. “Oswald?” The youngest of the gang holds the umbrella over her head; she nods again. “Let’s go, boys.”

A couple of hours later, Spongebob gets off the city bus across the street from the Krusty Krab. Not letting a gang robbery deflect him from his current goal, he walks inside during a very busy hour. Squidward _and_ Mr. Krabs are in back, making krabby patties.

“I found the hydro-dynamic spatula, Sir!”

He presents the device to the man, who shares a look with Squidward. Squidward rolls his eyes and nods, continuing to cook the burgers. Mr. Krabs reaches into the cabinet beside the grill and offers Spongebob a greasy, unwashed sailor hat.

“Very good, me boy. Another wave of customers. I’ll go man the register. You boys make the food.”

“Isn’t this great, Squidward?”

Squidward doesn’t answer, as he’s concentrating on the patties. He tacks up the ‘secret formula’ for Spongebob to make them. After another grueling three hours, there are no more customers. There are thirty minutes left until closing, so Mr. Krabs tells his employees to clean the restaurant, and he leaves with a lot more cash in his wallet.

“Isn’t this great, Squidward?” Spongebob asks again, twirling a mop.

“You know that agreement we have about you not talking to me to, from, or during school unless it’s _absolutely_ necessary?”

“Yep!” He smiles toothily.

“Same goes for work.”

“Oh.”

Squidward grabs his work bag and removes his sailor hat. He’s almost out the door when Spongebob calls after him.

“Wait! We’re not finished yet!”

“I am. Clean the rest yourself, Fry Cook.”


	2. First Week of School (a.k.a. Of Hamsters and Insurance Scams)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Returning to school after winter vacation ends
> 
> Global Justice, teenagers with aliases, and just your basic school days... or not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be one of the longest chapters for a while

** Monday, January 13th **

It’s the first day back to school. Fourteen-year-old freshman Chloe Decker plays the Mom role at her East Oaks apartment (A3). Since their police officer dad died in the line of fire three years ago, her former actress mom started staying in casino bars and motels. Chloe fixes bacon and eggs for her nine-year-old fourth grader sister Trixie. The younger girl eats breakfast while the teenager gets their backpacks ready – so, she doesn’t notice when Trixie slides some kitchen utensils up her sleeves. Chloe attends East Oaks High, but she must bring Trixie to East Oaks Primary first.

Seventeen-year-old senior Wanda Li lives across the breezeway. Her mom is a forensic scientist working with the police, and her brother, William Henry, is an eleven-year-old sixth-grader. The working woman of the household grabs her youngest’s hand since Elgin Tundra Elementary School is closer to her workplace than Lakewood High. Twenty-eight-year-old Harvey Wolf and his twenty-seven-year-old girlfriend Paula Parcell live diagonally above the Lis, in apartment A8.

Saltwaters band members – twenty-six-year-old Kyle Wolf, twenty-four-year-old Taffy Maynston, and twenty-two-year-olds Daniel Rosenberg and December Anderson – live in front of them, in apartment A6. They own a storage unit for their equipment and practice runs. It’s early in the morning, and not one is awake. Eleven-year-old sophomore Spencer Reid attends East Oaks High and lives in apartment B1 in the next building over. He’s very aware that his mom is schizophrenic, but he has reservations about turning her in.

“Mom?”

“Oh, William.” She glances toward her son with a distant smile on her face. “Are you coaching Little League today?”

Spencer lets out a deep breath, not bothering to correct her. “It’s time to take our pills.”

“Don’t wanna,” She replies, turning her attention back to the window.

“If you take your pills, I’ll make waffles.” He bargains with her.

It works. She quirks an eyebrow. “With chocolate sauce and honey?”

Spencer nods. “Chocolate sauce and honey. Let’s go.”

Kuki lives behind him, in B3, with her perfectionist dad Trae, cynical workaholic stepmom Keandre Warburton, and twelve-year-old sixth-grader sister Mushi. Kuki walks down the hallway with her hair pulled back in a tight ponytail and no bangs. She’s wearing a shamrock green blouse and a pair of loose-fitting black dress slacks, and Mushi wears a boysenberry blouse and a pair of matching slacks. Trae and Keandre assess their daughters head to toe.

“Kakushi piasu nashi?” Trae asks them.

Kuki and Mushi raise their shirts to bare their mid-drifts and free their ears from their hair to show there are no piercings. Trae nods in satisfaction.

“Totemo yoi. Otokonoko wa imasen. Jū ichi-ji De hōmu.”

Kuki and Mushi internally roll their eyes. He’s always enacted the ‘no boys’ rule, as well as the eleven o’clock curfew. They nod obediently, and the parents leave through the door. As soon as the girls inside hear the lock snap and the determined footsteps hurry away, they separate and change their styles. Kuki lets her hair loose and bangs flow over her eyes. She and her sister strip off their dress shirts in favor of a different wardrobe.

Kuki pulls her favorite oversized sweatshirt of the same green shade over her head. Mushi is wearing a black skull tank top, and she uses the wall mirror in the kitchen to apply black lipstick and eyeliner. Both girls trade-off their slacks for jeans – Kuki’s, blue, and Mushi’s, black. The girls also kick off their high heels for more standard footwear. Kuki finishes lacing her tennis shoes in time for her best friend and classmate, Wally Beetles, to pull up on his motorcycle. Like Kuki, his blonde hair is in his eyes.

“Hey, Kooks.”

She smiles as he hands her a second helmet. She climbs on the back and holds onto his waist as he drives them to Latabæ High. The motor of the bike startles awake the residents of B2, the Wingers. Jeff is a sixteen-year-old junior. After catching a glimpse at the time, he begins his morning ritual with an almond facial scrub only made in Finland called Kerostina. His mom Doreen had been out shopping until morning, so she only rolls over and pulls the covers over her face. Jeff attends Latabae High.

Above the Wingers, in B6, fourteen-year-old freshman Jennifer Maxwell watches _The Daily Buzz_ with her bowl of cereal on the couch. Her dad John has already opened his bar downtown, stepmom Europa is at the LuthorCorp facility in Lava Springs, and granddad Randolph fixes another bowl. His arm falls around her shoulders, and he sets his bowl on a _Frozen_ lap table. Jennifer goes to Latabae as well. In B5 across the breezeway, fifteen-year-old sophomore Chandler Bing is watching Spanish soap opera novella _Tres Destinos_ and snacks on a Pop-Tart, while his mom Nora is nowhere to be found. Rather than Latabae, Chandler goes to East Oaks High.

Dr. Walter Valentine, his boyfriend Jesse Puff, and Jesse’s sixteen-year-old junior son Jesse Jr live in B7. The teenager attends East Oaks High. Josh Nichols is Jesse’s classmate and best friend. He’s a fifteen-year-old sophomore living with his dad Walter in B8. With Walter out and about, Josh grabs two banana nut muffins and walks across the breezeway. He doesn’t bother knocking and instead waltzes inside. He clicks his tongue when he sees Walter and Jesse kissing at the kitchen table. The men barely separate, and Josh tosses them the muffins.

“Hey, Jess.”

Josh collapses on the floor next to Jesse Jr, and his best friend hands over a GameCube controller. Jesse changes the settings to co-op and starts a saved game of Harvest Moon. Fifteen-year-old freshman Buster Baxter lives in the last building in the complex, apartment C1, with his mom Bitzi. She’s a news journalist for the Daily Planet, and she’s running late. Buster, who attends Latabæ High, has made his own breakfast of pancakes.

“Oh, Buster, thank you,” She sighs as he hands her a coffee in a travel mug. “I’m sorry living in an apartment isn’t how you expected.”

“It’s fine, Mom.” He assures her. “You’ve got a better job now. We can make it work.”

Thirteen-year-old eighth-grader Ernie Whitmore wakes his fifteen-year-old sophomore best friend Bert Franklin with loud music at the latter’s apartment, C2. Ernie lives in a house two neighborhoods away, but his mom Stephanie is rarely home. She’s a hypochondriac, so she’s always in the hospital despite nothing being wrong. Bert lives with his mom, twin freshman brother Bart, and three-year-old preschooler brother Brad. Brad is already on the way to school with his mom, and Bart spent the night at his girlfriend’s house. Bert and Ernie attend East Oaks High.

“Ernie!” Bert complains without opening his eyes. “Why do you always wake me up with your music?”

“Aw, I thought you liked my music, Bert.”

“Not when it’s before eight o’clock in the morning and it’s pounding against my eardrums,” He counters, sighing as he sits up and swings his legs over the side.

Twelve-year-old seventh-grader Desiree rollerblades through apartment C4 like a bat out of hell. Sixteen-year-old junior Derek Morgan sidesteps her while brushing his teeth. Their frazzled mom, Fran, rushes past, kissing her kids on their cheeks before grabbing her purse off her bedroom doorknob and running out the front door. Above the Morgans, in C8, live twenty-five-year-old Kendrick Wolf and his twenty-year-old best friend and co-worker Becky Detweiler. They’re not awake.

Grade schools in East Oaks (East Oaks Elementary), Danver (Meadow Bay Primary), Chino (Elgin Tundra Elementary), and Lava Springs (Hendry Hill Conservatory) begin at seven-thirty. At EOE, thirteen-year-old seventh grader twins Bobby and Toby Glaepur stick close together. They share their first-period class, mathematics. The boys sit in the back with eleven-year-old seventh-graders James MacDonald and Missy Cooper. Twelve-year-old seventh-grader twins Angie and Teddy Tribbiani walk in later.

Eleven-year-old seventh grader Matt McGuire is busy in the halls, planting a practical joke in thirteen-year-old eighth grader George Garcia’s locker. Fourteen-year-old eighth-grader Joey Tribbiani is too focused on his enormous breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, pancakes, waffles, buttered toast, and orange juice to hear the warning bell. Fourteen-year-old eighth-grader Blue Burns takes her role as hall monitor very seriously when she sees Joey, but she runs after Matt when she catches him in her peripheral vision.

Eleven-year-old seventh-grader Cookie Tribbiani notices Matt running from Blue. She whistles for him to jump into an empty janitor’s trash can, which he does. When Blue finds Cookie, she signs, asking the girl if she’s seen Matt. Cookie looks conspiratorially toward the computer lab, and Blue runs that way. Pail O’Brien, a twelve-year-old seventh-grader, drags her backpack to history class. Tickety Tock Clock, Pail’s housemate and fellow twelve-year-old seventh-grader, instead briskly walks to music class. She’s never been late, and she’s not starting now.

Thirteen-year-old seventh-grader Angelica Pickles steals a few cookies from a box in the teacher’s lounge, passing eleven-year-old seventh-graders Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher, who are on the way to the three of their science class. Eleven-year-old sixth-grader Megan Parker is in the girls’ room in the English hallway, defacing the walls with a permanent marker. Her same age classmate Chaca Tatasciore catches and joins her in the act. Eleven-year-old fifth-grader Timmy Turner is stuck in his locker after his same age classmate Adam Fisher shoved him inside.

Seventh graders eight-year-old Baljeet Tjinder and thirteen-year-old Buford van Stomm have physical education for first class. Buford is ecstatic since all last semester was devoted to health class. Baljeet, on the other hand, gets dressed in a stall as slow as possible. Eleven-year-old fifth-grader Tommy Pickles is bored in his language arts class. His same age classmate TJ Botsford, however, has already finished the bellwork despite class not starting for another two minutes. Eleven-year-old fifth-graders Sarah McGee, Stephanie Tanner, and Flo Glaepur are passing notes in science class.

Nine-year-old fourth-grader Adrian Howell is partnered with ten-year-old fourth grader Norm Janney in the same class. Sarah and Flo are partners; nine-year-old fourth-graders Stephanie Meanswell and Trixie Decker are partners; Stephanie Tanner and nine-year-old fourth grader Ella Glaepur are partners. At Meadow Bay Primary, seventh-graders thirteen-year-old Irving Parcell, twelve-year-olds Lulu Lassiter, Jamie Lisbon, and Manny Hopps, and eleven-year-old Riley Davis are partnered together for a semester-long science project.

Thirteen-year-old eighth-grader Emily Elizabeth Howard tutors twelve-year-old sixth-grader Chuckie Finster in the library during Sustained Silent Reading. Eleven-year-old sixth-grader Joss Possible, on the other hand, has convinced nine-year-old fourth grader Cherry Nigel-Murray and twelve-year-old sixth-grader Izzi Crews to join her on the roof.

Elgin Tundra Elementary is a very small school. There are only fifty students between ages five and fourteen, so the kids are often grouped between grades. Thirteen-year-old eighth-grader Helga Pataki leans against the front wall beyond the metal detectors. Her lighter was taken away, so she strikes a match against the bottom of her shoe to light the cigarette that her same age classmate JB Slater passes to her. Seventeen-year-old junior Roger Doofenshmirtz walks past the girls, and they blow smoke in his direction.

Nine-year-old fourth-graders Diego Garcia and Ivy Pepper have snuck out to play on the playground rather than study in school. Eleven-year-old sixth-grader Emmy Danforth steals the attention in music class as she proves she can dance to any beat. Twelve-year-old seventh-grader Danny Ruskin bullies his same age classmate Delete Marbles at the back bathroom. Eleven-year-old sixth-grader Evan Rourke buys a graphic novel from thirteen-year-old eighth grader enthusiast Lucas Wahl, making it look like a shady drug deal.

Hendry Hill Conservatory is highly different in retrospect. The number of students is roughly the same, although the students wear gender-specific uniforms and attend more alternate classes. Thirteen-year-old eighth-grader Wesley Fitzgerald opts for twelve-year-old sixth-grader Priya Koothrapoli to play his wife in a spontaneous improvisation moment in theater class. Thirteen-year-old eighth-grader twins Pom and Alexander have shed their blazers and trousers for white Polo shirts and baby blue activewear mesh gym shorts for their tennis course.

Thirteen-year-old eighth-grader Cleo Diller adjusts her blazer and applies nail polish in the back of her agriscience class. She can recite the subject matter in her sleep. Her twelve-year-old seventh grader classmate Elliot McFarland calls her out, only for her to explain while adding a glossier coat. Cleo’s same age classmate Jeremy Gilbert is in the restroom, dealing opioids to twelve-year-old seventh-graders Rico Suave and Nevel Papperman.

Victor Lorde, a thirteen-year-old eighth grader, throws a lot into creative writing – although his same age seventh-grader classmate Mycroft Holmes is continuously stuck. Twelve-year-old seventh-grader best friends Madelyn Dinkley and Ashley Banks are highly intelligent and rule their forensic science class. They’re the only ones spouting out answers, creative and correct as they are. Digital photography is a favorite for students of all ages – especially thirteen-year-old eighth-graders Annie Walker, Magenta Chandra, and Sister Bear, twelve-year-old seventh-grader Maggie Sheffield, and ten-year-old fifth grader James Marchione.

Less than sixty students attend Frasier DiMaggio High School in East Oaks’ subsidiary town, Chino. They have a high dropout rate. Located in Chino, metal detectors surround the entrances, and bars are built on the windows. Second bell rings, and the teacher is already writing history notes on the board, talking as he moves. Seventeen-year-old senior Andie Walsh walks to calculus with her same age best friend and classmate, Duckie Dale, in tow.

“Higher learning,” He sighs. “Can’t you just smell it in the air?”

Andie turns slightly to look at him with an amused expression. A passing student, a fellow senior Dennis Finch, snorts. “That ain’t learning you’re smelling, Duck.”

Finch has English class and pulls up a seat next to his senior best friend, Strut Cugno. Strut is busy copying notes to the ankle he’s propped up on his lap, likely as a cheat sheet for the upcoming ‘how much do you remember’ pop quiz. Fourteen-year-old freshman, smartest in the class Ivy Ingleberry, watches him out of the corner of her reptilian-like eyes. She doesn’t call him out, however, and continues taking notes.

Back in history class, Ms. Butterbean vaguely writes about the roaring twenties. Fourteen-year-old freshman Freddy Clarke sits in the back corner whispering to himself. His classmate Mandy Grey has noticed, but she generally doesn’t care about what her fellow student body is doing. She’s ahead in the class, and she simply grabs her backpack and leaves with no repercussions. Fifteen-year-old sophomore Harry Potter pays her no mind and tries to keep up.

“More I learn; sooner I can leave home,” Harry grumbles to himself as his pencil flies across the paper.

Gym teacher, Mrs. Dietz, blows the whistle for the class to run three laps before grabbing a basketball. Sixteen-year-old freshman Billy Uglio runs with his tongue poking from his bottom lip. Same age classmate Chris Griffin trails behind, only managing a slow jog. He hates to run; no one in his family is very physically fit. Fourteen-year-old freshman Emma Swan leads the pack of mostly boys. Seventeen-year-old senior Ithro Strykurson keeps time with her.

“You’re hurting again, aren’t you?” Ithro questions his classmate with no preamble.

She merely huffs and picks up her pace. Ithro slows slightly but quickly continues like nothing has changed.

Third bell rings, and sixteen-year-old junior Dudley Dursely is ready to collapse from exhaustion. It’s time to go to Mr. Lang’s class for chemistry. Sixteen-year-old junior Buzz Marbles knows this stuff, but he doesn’t care about the topics. He’d rather skip ahead to the labs. His fifteen-year-old sophomore partner Vanessa Doofenshmirtz feels the same. She pulls her headphones out of her ears, knowing that it’d only make it harder for herself. Her teacher already doesn’t like her due to a rivalry he had with her dad in college.

“I love your Nancy Spumoni boots,” Seventeen-year-old junior Thelma Evans tells Vanessa as she sits down next to her friend. “Where did you get them?”

Vanessa looks down with a quirk of her lips. “Bentley’s. Mom took me after I missed the Cuddlefish concert.”

Thelma nods and immediately turns to the other side to talk to fourteen-year-old freshman Val Valentine. Val is tinkering with a watch he’s lifted on the way to school. Once he etches off the serial number and winds the time back, he can sell it. Sixteen-year-old junior Buck Tuddrussel sits in the back with a dumbfounded look on his face. Mr. Lang asks that the students find their lab partners for a pop quiz experiment. Buck grabs fifteen-year-old sophomore Johnny Lewis’s arm, tugging him over. Thirteen-year-old sophomore Ed Nashton walks over with a confused expression.

“I’m sorry, but that’s my seat.”

“Not anymore, Pipsqueak.” Buck’s gruff voice carries.

Ed flinches despite himself. “Right, right. Absolutely.”

The younger teenager looks around the room for a vacant seat. Buzz is paired with Vanessa, Thelma is paired with fourteen-year-old freshman AC Slater, Val is paired with thirteen-year-old sophomore Toby Curtis, Buck is paired with Johnny, and fifteen-year-old freshman Meg Griffin is paired with fourteen-year-old freshman Will Smith. Ed walks over to the other loner, sixteen-year-old junior Ryan Atwood.

“Err… you want to, uh, I turn once, what is out will not get in. I turn again, what is in will not get out. What am I?”

Ryan, for his part, doesn’t ask Ed if that’s a riddle. He doesn’t ask or say anything. Instead, he glares. It intimidates Ed, and the boys sit separately and get started on the experiment individually. Down the hall, fifteen-year-old sophomore Nick Wilde sneaks a bottle of Rittenhouse out of his jacket pocket. Before he brings it to his lips, Ms. Clifton calls on him.

“Sr. Wilde, ¿cómo pasó sus vacaciones de invierno?”

He smiles toothily, gripping the bottle neck under the desk. “Fue relajante, Sra. Clifton. Mi hermano y yo ayudamos a construir un refugio, y fuimos villancicos de puerta en puerta.”

She smiles and then gestures to the class. “Muy bien. Esto es lo que me gusta escuchar.”

Fourteen-year-old freshman Zack Morris notices, but he doesn’t bother to say anything. He and sixteen-year-old junior Brian Griffin open their respective notebooks. They pretend to pay attention, but Zack is keeping track of his schemes, and Brian is writing a novel. Fourteen-year-old freshman Bugs Bunny pays more attention, since “French is the language of love.”

On the other side of the school, eleven-year-old junior Stewie Griffin finds calculus to be boring. Fourteen-year-old freshman BB Logan tries to convince him to cheat, while fifteen-year-old sophomore Jonesy Garcia tries to encourage him to make this into a business deal.

“Think about it, dude. Test answers, ten dollars. Essays, five bucks a page. I get a ten percent cut, and we got it made, Baby!”

“Go. Away. Costa Rica.”

Jonesy frowns but respects the younger boy’s space. He instead slides over to his same age best friend Jude Lizowski. Sixteen-year-old junior Aldo Ward plays with his switchblade which, like the alcohol in the back, goes unnoticed. When Ms. Clifton walks to her closet for something that no one paid attention to, fifteen-year-old sophomore Buffy Summers gets out of her seat. She unscrews the corners of the windowpane with ease, removes said window, and leaves the classroom. Zack looks back to the closet and leads some of the rest of the class out as well.

Truant officer Jack Wednesday barges in on Miss Bliss’s biology class with three handcuffed teenagers in tow. She pauses her lesson and inwardly sighs as Wednesday exchanges the cuffs to the pipes in the back of the classroom a la detention. The oldest, sixteen-year-old Ace Copular, slides his shades down his nose and winks at the nerdy twelve-year-old freshman Kowalski Miller. It leaves him flustered and he turns back to the front. Fourteen-year-olds Snake Ingleberry and Uma Hook hiss at the cold change.

Kowalski turns to his brothers, fourteen-year-old freshman Rico Rodriguez and sixteen-year-old junior Skipper Penguin, in disbelief. “Did you see that? The wink?”

Rico’s eyebrows lift suggestively, and Kowalski groans. Skipper looks between his brother and the delinquents holding hands in the back. he holds up a hand.

“Not my problem, Soldier.”

Miss Bliss raps her knuckles on the chalkboard calling attention back to the differences between prokaryotes and eukaryotes.

“Mr. Anderson, can you tell us the difference between the cell sizes?”

Fifteen-year-old sophomore Auggie Anderson sighs. “Prokarya is small, and eukarya is a hell of a lot bigger.” He pauses. “But it means shit to blind guys.”

His same age classmate Swiper Fox snickers, but before the teacher can respond, seventeen-year-old senior Buford Pugh speaks up with confidence.

“Differences in the cellular structure of prokaryotes and eukaryotes include the presence of mitochondria and chloroplasts, the cell wall…”

The midday bell rings for every student in Lava Springs’ Aesop Academy to find a place in the canteen and eat some well-deserved lunch. Phil Lester and fifteen-year-old Ethan Ritter forego the canteen to the parking lot. Ethan grabs a folded table and a hidden box with a pre-written sign from the bushes, and Phil sneaks into the storage building. He has hidden away his hamster babies, and now it’s time to open the market. Ethan sends out a mass text while he and Phil set up their booth.

Sixteen-year-old sophomore Connor Walsh checks his phone while chatting with seventeen-year-old senior Boone Clemens in line.

| **From: Ethan Ripped Bod**

 **|** _Hamsters in the parking lot. First come, first served_ _😉_

He smirks and sends out a mass re-text to more people in the school. Boone shrugs, uncaring, and he clicks his tongue at same age Victoria Chase. The model-type winks and takes his hand. Connor cringes, thinking about the heterosexual orgy likely to happen in the janitor’s closet, and he heads out to the parking lot. He joins a crowd with sixteen-year-old juniors Lulu Archer and Melanie Moretti, seventeen-year-old sophomore Kronk Pepikrankenitz, and nine-year-old fourth grader Norm Janney.

“What’s her name?” Twelve-year-old seventh-grader Lawrence Neal asks while letting the blonde hamster roll around in his palm.

“Goldilocks,” Phil informs him with a small smile. “Ethan has her little cage, some newspaper, and her food.”

Lawrence grins. He sets Goldilocks in the crook of his shirttail and drops his hands to the side. As he wheels toward Ethan, he calls over his shoulder. “I’ll take her.”

Thirteen-year-old eighth-grader Melanie Cross pushes through the crowd and scoops up a caramel-colored ball of fluff.

“Aww! He’s like a churro!”

Ethan smiles. “That’s his name. Want him?”

“Yes.” She declares adamantly.

Back in the canteen, sixteen-year-old junior Marissa Cooper sits with the popular crowd: fifteen-year-old sophomores Draco Malfoy, Blair Warner, and Joy Scroggs, and seventeen-year-old seniors London Tipton, CC Babcock, and Hilary Banks. They’ve got identical salads on the table in front of them, but none of them have been touched. The teenagers drink their carbonated flavored water and lay down the gossip.

“Wait, where’s Conrad?” London asks.

Draco massages his glabella. “Did you not get the text?”

“The one about the hamsters?” Hilary adds.

“Ohh, yeah!” She leans over the table, voice dropping to a whisper. “Why is he meeting a criminal here?”

The other five look at each other for help and CC finally figures it out as fifteen-year-old sophomore Kuzco Jinchou joins them. “Not a _gangster_ , girl. A hamster. A filthy little rat.”

At another table, thirteen-year-old freshman Deb Morgan sneaks some vodka from a flask into her orange juice. She passes it down her side of the table to fifteen-year-old sophomore Kimball Cho, fourteen-year-old freshman April Santos, and thirteen-year-old eighth grader Dina Jameson. Dina passes the flask under the table to fourteen-year-old freshman Aria Montgomery. She passes the flask to sixteen-year-old junior Clay Humphries, who decides not to add any to his drink. No one is sitting next to Clay, but he slides the flask over to Gemma Walsh. The fourteen-year-old freshman adds some to her Red Bull and passes it under the table to its rightful owner.

Eleven-year-old freshman Happy Quinn eats lunch by the dumpsters just outside of the canteen with the other losers and bully victims. Aesop Academy is acclaimed for its bully-free environment and is a home away from home for foster kids and gifted kids (and kids whose parents cash out). Happy trades her lunch for seventeen-year-old junior Ralph Wreckit’s screwdriver and wrench set since hers was taken away earlier. Seventeen-year-old senior Hester Ulrich sits next to Happy, raptly watching the latter steal screws and bolts.

Hester adjusts her neckbrace when nine-year-old junior Doogie Howser joins them. She shields away her hagfish, but Doogie makes a disinterested face. His eleven-year-old sixth-grader girlfriend Lesley Walker walks over with her same age best friend Andre Stevens.

“… is that Dexter?” Andre asks in lieu of a greeting.

Past the faculty lot and by the soccer field, sixteen-year-old junior Dexter Morgan is digging holes. There doesn’t seem to be a reason.

“I’d ask Daffy,” Lesley shrugs. “But we all know he doesn’t pay attention.”

Sixteen-year-old junior Daffy Duck is Dexter’s roommate. Happy shrugs, adding to the conversation for the first time without taking her eyes off the task at hand.

“Better than sharing a room with Penny. She’s too… colorful.”

Fifteen-year-old junior Penny Garcia, on the other hand, is sitting in the canteen. She’s cracking jokes and sneaking food off her friends’ – fourteen-year-old freshman Emma Swan, twelve-year-old seventh grader Hunter Reed, sixteen-year-old sophomore Sock Lynx, and thirteen-year-old sophomore Ari Cynomys. Sock and Ari are practically brothers, and they’ve grown up together in the foster system.

At a table in the back, a cluster of socially awkward kids sit quietly and eat their lunches. Fourteen-year-old sophomore Lance Sweets carefully eats a greasy slice of pizza, wary about the state of his jaw. Twelve-year-old sophomore Shaun Murphy eats a stack of three pancakes in light syrup. Twelve-year-old seventh grader Spud Rackstraw eats his cheese and pickle sandwich with no chance of anyone’s thievery. Ten-year-old fourth grader Otto Osworth snacks on lukewarm cheese ravioli while he reads about the war of the Spanish Succession. Six-year-old first grader Martin Convery ignores his growing shiner for a smooth peanuts butter sandwich.

Sixteen-year-old juniors Seth Cohen and Raven Roth, and fourteen-year-old freshman Olivia Charity pick at their food at the next table. They’re not eating much, and they don’t interact with each other. At the last circle table sit the remaining four students in the academy – fifteen-year-old sophomore Boze Bozer, twelve-year-old sophomore Mac MacGyver, eleven-year-old eighth grader Riley Davis, and six-year-old first grader Lisa Jameson.

The boys eat taco salads, while the girls share a large tray of fries and orange slices. As the older kids joke around and eat, Mac crafts little toys out of napkins and plastic silverware for Lisa to play with. Sixteen-year-old junior Patrick Jane watches them from the other end of the table where he sits alone with no food.

Fourteen-year-old freshman Sportacus Strykurson walks into the canteen, cradling two hamster babies in a newspaper-lined cage. He sits down at a table next to his same age classmates Blaine Anderson and Carlton Banks, and across from fifteen-year-old sophomore Jen Masterson.

“They’re cute,” Blaine admits. “I wouldn’t be allowed to bring one home.”

Carlton nods. “What’re their names?”

Sportacus smiles, at first sadly at Blaine, but then brightens toward Carlton. He gently nudges the orange hamster with his finger. “This one is Dorito, and –” He clicks his tongue for the black and white one to open his eyes. “– this is Dalmatian.”

Jen purses her lips. “They’re cute, Sportacus. But how will you take care of them?”

He frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Think about it. You live in an academy, and when you’re not here, you’re a fitness coach at Crunch, or you’re visiting your brother in East Oaks.”

Sportacus doesn’t answer at first. The other boys have also fallen silent. “… maybe Ithro could take them off my hands.”

Jen raises her eyebrow and leans back somewhat. “Doesn’t Ithro coach soccer? I’m sorry, Sportacus, but I don’t see you keeping those hamsters very long.”

Sixteen-year-old junior Celeste King runs down the hall to catch up with her twin brother Babar.

“Oh, Babar! Look at this video!”

She thrusts her cell phone into his face, and a video plays. Phil and Ethan are onscreen, talking about how they’re going to be giving away hamsters during lunch and after school. Celeste skips to the end of the video, where Phil tells everyone which hamsters have been given away, including Polaroids taken of them: Dorito, Churro, Goldilocks, Dalmatian, and a scraggly pink one named Porkchop.

“Can I stay after school?” Celeste asks. “I _really_ want a hamster.”

Babar raises an eyebrow and shrugs. “Fine by me. Want to call a town car to bring you home?”

She smiles. “Ooh, yes! Thank you!”

When lunch ends, Sportacus whips out his cell phone and dials his brother’s number.

“Y’ello?” Ithro, now wearing a mustard yellow tracksuit, answers via BlueTooth while he’s bicycling.

“Ithrottaalfurinn… I’ve got a favor to ask.”

“What is it, Baby bro?” He asks with a sigh. “Is it another dog situation?”

“No… well, yes, but with hamsters.”

“Sorry, Sport.” He declines, turning a corner. “Tell you what, though. I’m in East Oaks; almost at Latabæ. I’ll ask around for a good home.”

After hanging up, Ithro bikes up to Latabæ High School. The lunch period is over, and the students are heading to their lockers and fifth-period classes. Fourteen-year-old freshman Strawberry Heinke collects her favorite textbook – Culinary Arts – at her locker. Her best friends – same age Sally Brown and fifteen-year-old freshman Buster Baxter – share the enthusiasm. Buster’s other same age best friend Arthur Read meets up with him at the former’s locker.

“Did you understand that algebra quiz at all?”

Buster rubs the back of his neck. “Not really. I wish Mr. Marco would wait at least a week before asking us what we remember.” He pauses, glancing around for a textbook but finding none. “What class do you have next?”

Arthur sighs. “Krasney. Music.”

Buster winces in sympathy, knowing how much he dislikes playing the piano in general. Twelve-year-old freshman Edd Vincent walks past them, wheeling his pedal steel guitar. Sixteen-year-old junior Wheezie Micharr runs past them, carrying her trumpet in its case. Edd ducks out of the way while also shielding his guitar. Wheezie barrels into fourteen-year-old freshman Lillian Neal, causing a harmonica to fly out of the latter’s loose grip.

Said harmonica slides in front of fourteen-year-old freshman Cody Soap. He’s walking to biology with fifteen-year-old sophomores Lucy van Pelt and Noel Babcock, fourteen-year-old freshman Benjamin Fisher, and sixteen-year-old sophomore Wally Beetles. One minute, Cody is joking around, and the next, he’s flat on his face.

“You okay there, Soap?” Benjamin asks, though making no move to help him to his feet.

“Slippery Soap! Slippery Soap!” Noel begins chanting.

The others in the group join in, gathering a few others – thirteen-year-old freshman Anna Blake, sixteen-year-old junior Jeff Winger, and fifteen-year-old sophomore Winter Wolf – from the hallway. Fourteen-year-old freshman Locke McLaughlin walks up, picking up the other boy’s spilled belongings.

“C’mon. Let’s get out of here.” As he helps him to his feet, Locke continues. “You know you’re never going to live down that nickname.”

“Yeah… ugh. I get it.”

Students scowl when they arrive at their history class. Miss Fowl has placed them in pairs again, and not the same ones as last semester.

“Brown and Micharr in the back by the window.”

Fifteen-year-old sophomore Charlie Brown and sixteen-year-old junior Zak Micharr dutifully take their new seats. They don’t talk to each other. While Charlie instantly slumps in his seat, Zak pulls out his textbook, notebook, and instrumental set.

“Sanban and Frensky, beside them.”

Fourteen-year-old Kuki Sanban cheerfully skips down the aisle, whereas fifteen-year-old freshman Francine Frensky scowls as she makes her way to the back. Once at her seat, Kuki pulls out her Rainbow Monkey notebook and an assortment of brightly colored glitter pens. Francine outwardly groans at this and drops out her ratty old notebook, flipping to an open page.

“Van Pelt and Chantal in the corner by the closet.”

Fourteen-year-old freshman Linus van Pelt and sixteen-year-old junior Cera Chantal easily take their seats. Linus drapes his security blanket over the back of his chair, and Cera makes a rude comment about his mental stability under her breath. He hears anyway but doesn’t acknowledge her.

“Barr and Kennis in front of Brown and Micharr.”

Fourteen-year-old freshman Kevin Barr and sixteen-year-old junior Mailbox Kennis walk over. Kevin swivels his ball cap around and lets the bill cover his face once he slumps in his seat. Mailbox adjusts his sensitivity headphones, trying to ignore his aggressively antisocial tablemate.

“Detweiler and Vortex to the middle table.”

Fifteen-year-old sophomore TJ Detweiler and twelve-year-old sophomore Cindy Vortex take their seats. TJ instantly turns around and starts talking to Francine and Kuki, able to grab both of their attentions. Cindy, on the other hand, pulls out her textbook and binder for the class.

“Nadir and DiNozzo to the side with the whiteboard.”

Sixteen-year-old sophomore Abed Nadir and sixteen-year-old junior Tony DiNozzo take their seats in front of Cera and Linus. Abed reaches his seat and turns around twice before sitting down. Tony, on the other hand, whips out a magazine. He props his feet on the table and leans back.

“Crosswire and Truman, table by my desk.”

Fifteen-year-old freshman Muffy Crosswire and sixteen-year-old junior Will Truman go to their seats. Muffy pouts about being under the teacher’s scrutiny, while Will’s glad not to be paired with a bully. She pulls out her cell phone and texts Francine, choosing her as a best friend even though they’ve only known each other since November when she transferred. Will thinks about doing the same, but his best friend is still in grammar school.

“Macdonald and Maxwell, front and center.”

Sixteen-year-old sophomore Molly Macdonald and fourteen-year-old freshman Jennifer Maxwell walk over. Molly pulls out a notebook and crosses her arms. Jennifer pulls out her lipstick and a mirror to apply it, ignoring Molly’s scoff.

“Lane and Botsford, by the pencil sharpener.”

Eighteen-year-old senior Jessie Lane and thirteen-year-old freshman Becky Botsford sit in the remaining seats. While Becky pulls out her textbook and binder, Jessie stretches the gum she’s chewing on. When Francine starts taking too long to type Muffy back, she texts another friend: seventeen-year-old senior Brittany Ann Brenner.

**|From: Muffin**

 **|** _Want to get manicures after school?_

**|From: Badass Brenner**

**|** _Hells yes, bitch. Econ is kicking my ass._

**|From: Muffin**

**|** _Screw econ. Come over and talk to Bailey._

**|From: Badass Brenner**

**|** _We don’t all have a Bailey, boo_

**|From: Muffin**

**|** _Shit. Got to put away my phone. Ttyl_

“Who’re you talking to?” Brittany Ann’s economics tablemate, fifteen-year-old sophomore Karen Fisher, questions her.

“None of your business, Freaky Brain Girl.”

The more introverted of the two instantly shuts down. She sullenly picks up her pencil and turns her attention back to the board. Ahead of them, eleven-year-old junior Jimmy Neutron and Karen’s thirteen-year-old junior brother Colin Fisher have already finished the figurations. Jimmy has pulled out a remote that needs work, while Colin has returned to sketching a dead crow that he saw on the way to school. Fourteen-year-old freshman Shawn Spencer is shirking off his work in the back of the classroom, also on his phone.

**|From: Shawn SpenSTAR**

**|** _Starring in any musicals yet?_

**|From: Goth Goddess**

 **|** _Ha, ha, Shawn. And who would I play?_

**|From: Shawn SpenSTAR**

**|** _Bet you’d make a great Marilyn Monroe_

**|From: Goth Goddess**

**|** _You think?_

**|From: Shawn SpenSTAR**

 **|** _Well, you’re already a bombshell_

Fifteen-year-old junior Abby Scuito blushes at the text. Before she can type back, the fifteen-year-old sophomore set designer Taylor Menlo calls her over.

“Scuito, could you help O’Brien find the veterinarian costumes?”

She stands at attention with an eyebrow raised, and he smirks slightly.

“Please?”

“Roger that, Director Menlo, Sir.”

While Abby heads to the back to help fifteen-year-old sophomore Shovel O’Brien, Menlo looks down at his clipboard and decides he needs to climb to the catwalk. Once atop, he finds the sixteen-year-old junior he was looking for.

“Chantal, have you found the blue lighting?”

“I found two, and why can’t you call me Sophia?”

“I’m the director. I call people by their last names. Did you find the cobalt?”

“Is that the silvery one or the sky one?”

“Silvery.”

“Then, yes.” She beams and walks him over to the light’s placement.

“Excellent work.” He checks his clipboard again. “Do you know where I’d find Burkhart?”

“Yeah. Jackie’s watching Sidetable and BG model for her in the green room.”

“Thank you, Chantal. Salutations.”

In the greenroom, seventeen-year-old senior BG Garcia models a lime green tuxedo. Her abrupt turns remind fifteen-year-old sophomore Jackie Burkhart of a spy movie. Fifteen-year-old sophomore Sidetable Drawer struts over wearing a sparkly apricot dress cut off above the knees.

“This is really nice, Jackie.” Sidetable compliments her on the stitching.

“Of course. Muffy and I have been working on that dress for the past two days. It _better_ be nice.”

Sixth period starts not long after. At Lakewood High in Phildale – the quasi-busy small city between Lava Springs and Metropolis – fifteen-year-old sophomore Sharpay Evans struts down the halls with her grande caramel soy Frappuccino in hand on the way to the auditorium. She stalks to her brother’s locker and demands the blonde standing there to hold her drink.

“I’m not your puppet.” A British voice deadpans instead. “Go find Ryan.”

She gasps and recoils her arm. “Gripling! What are you doing in Ryan’s locker?”

The thirteen-year-old sophomore waves a notebook. “I took notes for him in physical science.” She glares still, and he shrugs, closing the door. “Believe me or not. I don’t care, but I am going to English.”

She merely scoffs and continues on her way to the auditorium. She passes the library, where her Simon Russell and Sharpay’s twin are packing up.

“Thanks for helping, Si.”

The hatted boy pulls his satchel over his head, waiting for the bespectacled boy to finish loading his backpack.

“You’re welcome. But why don’t you just tell your teachers that you’re dyslexic?”

He shudders. “Uh, no. I’d get sent to special classes. Or a tutor. That’s just not in my cards.”

“But it _is_ in your cards to sleep around with every willing guy in a five-mile radius, isn’t it?” Sixteen-year-old junior James Rennie Jr pipes up, walking around the shelves with an encyclopedia in his hand.

“What do you want, Junior?” Ryan narrows is eyes.

Junior only glares at Simon until the other is unnerved enough. Ryan tells Simon to go on to class, and he does. Ryan finally turns to face Junior.

“Well?”

“Have you been talking with Grace?”

Ryan represses the urge to roll his eyes. Junior has been in love with the now sixteen-year-old junior Grace Gardner since second grade. Rather than do something about it, he chooses to stalk her from afar.

“No. Just talk to her, yours-”

Junior abruptly cuts him off by shoving him against the shelves. When Ryan’s hands fly back to refrain from falling, Junior surges forward with an unloving, heated kiss. It takes nearly a minute for Ryan to register what is happening. Once he does, he moves his hands, but Junior anticipates this. He quickly traps Ryan’s wrists and forces his tongue into Ryan’s mouth. Startled, the blond bites down on the intruder. Junior growls and releases Ryan’s nondominant wrist to harshly smack him across the face. Ryan gasps in pain, and Junior’s tongue slides down the other’s throat. With his free hand, he shoves it into Ryan’s pants. He cups Ryan’s dick and squeezes it, bringing tears to Ryan’s eyes.

“What are, get out of here, you two.” A startled British voice comes up from behind them. “Sixth period started two minutes ago.”

Junior steps away, grinning unkindly and still with a hold on Ryan’s wrist. “Sorry for the intrusion, Mr. Giles. We must have gotten caught up. Do you fancy a fag?”

“Pardon?” Giles asks as Ryan’s stricken face is visible.

“A fag,” Junior repeats with a sneer, side eying Ryan. “A cigarette?”

“Oh! Right. You’re too young to smoke. Go ahead and get to class.”

“Of course.”

Junior lets go and heads out the door. Giles, and his poor judgment of character, doesn’t notice Ryan’s expression or body language toward Junior. He simply turns around and calls over his shoulder.

“Do try and hide your trysts more carefully, hm?”

New tears threaten to spill out, and Ryan runs to the bathroom before he breaks down. Simon’s brother Alvin dances across the stage in the auditorium, giddy over spring musicale auditions. Sixteen-year-old junior Squidward Tentacles runs through his vocal range.

Maya Gallo frowns as she works on her essay, no longer confident in her skills. Fourteen-year-old freshman Spongebob Squarepants gets one word written before having a nervous breakdown over what to write. Fifteen-year-old sophomore Carl Foutley lets his imagination run wild to come up with an exciting story based on real-life experience.

Theodore Matarazzo has fun playing the drums accompanied by sixteen-year-old junior Jeremy Johnson and fifteen-year-old freshman Drake Parker on the electric guitars and seventeen-year-old senior Clifford Howard on the tambourine. Eleven-year-old sophomore Zack Addy uses his free time to work through his dual enrollment online college studies. Sixteen-year-old junior Shaggy Rogers has drafted himself to the kitchens to work on his culinary tastes.

Ms. Fileshare, librarian and home economics teacher, calls for attention at the front of her classroom.

“Alright, everyone. I’ve got everyone’s names in this box. One by one, you will come up and pick a name. for this semester, you will be married. It’ll be like The Game of Life. Marriage, children, promotions, divorces. What have you. Mr. Bolton, come up here and choose your wife or husband.”

The basketball-playing fifteen-year-old sophomore walks to the front, smiling at his classmates. He reaches in without looking and pulls out a slip of paper. Glancing at the paper, he bites his lip and then walks down an aisle. He jumps onto the desk of same age charismatic smartass James Wilson.

“Congratulations, Bolton-Wilson household.” She digs out a random name and calls it out. “Mr. Harris.”

Another fifteen-year-old sophomore steps up to bat. He stalls for time, making a few exaggerated hand motions before the teacher clears her throat. He reaches into the box and tries not to groan when he retrieves a name. He awkwardly shuffles toward a fifteen-year-old junior with stubble, Greg House. The other boy smirks at his friend James, who in turn rolls his eyes.

“You got an athlete, and I got… what are you, Harris?”

“In trouble,” He mumbles.

“Congratulations, Harris-House household. Miss Rosenberg?”

This fifteen-year-old sophomore can’t wait to find out who she’s going to be married to. She controls her emotions yet eagerly thrusts her hand into the box. Unfolding the name, she smiles shyly and walks to the redheaded seventeen-year-old senior with the bright blue eyes.

“Hey, Jazz.”

The older girl looks mildly affronted to have been paired with Willow, but she quickly overs it up. She smiles back, and Willow sits down.

“Congrats, Fenton-Rosenberg. Your turn, Miss Li.”

Seventeen-year-old senior Wanda jumps from her seat and practically runs to the front of the classroom. She wastes no time in finding the name of her husband or wife-to-be. After reading the name, she zeroes in on sixteen-year-old junior Peter Neidermayer. He smiles politely, and she sits next to him.

“Very nice, Li-Neidermayer. Miss Rourke.”

Seventeen-year-old senior DA walks up less enthusiastically but ready as well. She shuffles through the slips of paper and finally pulls out one reading ‘Diego Marquez’. Relieved that it’s not someone who likes to make her life a living hell, she walks up to the fifteen-year-old sophomore.

“We now have the Marquez-Rourkes. Mr. Corlett?”

The fifteen-year-old platinum blonde sophomore walks up with his nerves radiating. He drops a hand into the box, closes his eyes, and pulls out a single slip. He cautiously reads the name: Finn Hudson. Bill facepalms and turns to the teacher.

“Is there any way I can change?”

“Sorry, Bill. This is the way we’re doing it. Go find your new wife or husband.”

Bill sighs dejectedly and walks over to the fourteen-year-old freshman homophobe. He tries not to notice when Finn flinches, but it kicks him in his gut.

“There we go, Corlett-Hudsons. Mr. Martin?”

The blonde fourteen-year-old freshman with a bowl cut steps up to the front. He closes his eyes, silently wishing to be paired with Candace or Makini. Instead, he pulls out a slip reading ‘Kurt Hummel’. Cody decides to grin and bear it. He walks up to the sassy fifteen-year-old sophomore.

“Hi, Kurt. I’m your husband.”

Kurt lets out a soft gasp torn between a chuckle, and Cody sits down next to him.

“And there we have the Hummel-Martins. Miss Trejo?”

Sixteen-year-old junior Makini strolls to the front and dips her hand into the box. There are only three slips left. When she pulls out her slip, she reads the name ‘Mac Handover’. Satisfied, Makini struts to the desk on the far-left side occupied by the smug sixteen-year-old junior.

“And there is out Handover-Trejo relationship. Miss Flynn, would you and Miss Watson come up front, please?”

Fifteen-year-old sophomores Candace Flynn and Joan Watson join their teacher by the box.

“And I now pronounce you the Flynn-Watson couple. Every day, these couples will have a new assignment from eating together at lunch to sleeping over at one another’s house. I’ll be in communication with each of your parents and your other teachers. For today, however, simply sitting with your newfound spouses is activity enough.”

Down the hall in Ms. Tutweiller’s Spanish Honors class, the students are engaging in an alphabet improv game in, what else, Spanish.

“Muy inteligente fue esta idea de malabarismo.” Fifteen-year-old sophomore Steven Hyde continues the offbeat conversation with a sarcastic edge to his tone.

“No, esta fue una buena idea.” Thirteen-year-old sophomore Tim McGee shakes his head.

“¿Oh enserio? Entonces, ¿cómo nos estamos acostando ahora?” Sixteen-year-old junior Howard Wolowitz asks, eyebrows raising.

Sixteen-year-old junior Zini Trejo sighs audibly. “Patético. Eres muy patético.”

“¿Qué les pasó chicos?” Fifteen-year-old sophomore Sam Manson groans out, exasperatedly.

“Resaca de ron.” Chad, the fifteen-year-old sophomore, smirks.

As the improv game keeps moving, fifteen-year-old sophomore Danny Fenton is bored out of his mind in English class. He’s being forced to write in iambic pentameter, and he just sees no point. The Parcell brothers – seventeen-year-old senior Kevin, seventeen-year-old junior Kenneth, and sixteen-year-old junior Albert – are finishing each other’s sentences and somehow getting the work done. Sixteen-year-old sophomore Michael Wilson balls up his work and slumps in his chair. There are only two people in the classroom who are doing well with the poetry assignment: the most hyperactive Harper Finkle and the most stoic Perry Flynn-Fletcher.

Being a fourteen-year-old freshman with an older stepbrother who barely acknowledges her, Harper makes the most out of any class with a smile on her face. Perry, on the other hand, is a thirteen-year-old freshman with severe trust issues. He’s also mute and generally communicates with sign language and occasionally the written message. Perry and Harper begin to sign about how to finish the poem; fourteen-year-old freshman Zack Martin gets annoyed and impatiently demands that they stop. Perry flips him the bird, and Zack doesn’t need any translation for that one.

The bell for last period soon rings. Back in Lava Springs, the public-school kids attend Caspar Harbor. Sixteen-year-old junior Piper Halliwell is on her phone with Prue, talking about how she thinks she did on the pop quiz in history class.

Hanging up the phone, she runs off to health class, nearly barreling into fifteen-year-old sophomore Beck Oliver, and not registering his same age girlfriend Jade West’s vague threats. Fourteen-year-old freshman Brother Bear wisely jumps out of her way. Unfortunately, he backs into seventeen-year-old senior Chris McLean, and he has an egotistical attitude.

“Dude! Watch the hair!”

“Heh, sorry, Chris.”

“What’s that ‘heh’ for, Kid?” He scowls. “You think it’s funny?”

“Hey, we wanna be in on the joke, too.”

Fifteen-year-old freshman Too Tall Grizzly walks over with same age Azula Basco and sixteen-year-old junior Rataxes Lorde. The bullies loom over him, arms folded across their chest – except for Rataxes. He harshly bears down on Brother’s shoulder.

“H-hey, guys. I was just on my way to algebra. I didn’t mean to run into Chris.”

“Well, let’s just make sure it stays that way.” He turns to the arrogant rich boy. “Chris, we clear?”

Chris nods with a cruel smirk. Rataxes and Too Tall manhandle Brother into an empty classroom. Fifteen-year-old sophomore Daphne Blake notices, but most of her attention is focused on making out with her sixteen-year-old junior boyfriend Zuko Basco. Fifteen-year-old sophomore Regina George struts up to them with her lackeys – same age Lady Lorde and sixteen-year-old sophomore Dee Dee Cressida – and loudly clears her throat.

“Need a cough drop?” Zuko asks, barely peeling away from Daphne.

Regina gives him the stink eye, to which he lets off a fake shudder. “Work on it, Princess, and maybe you’ll go somewhere.”

“Does your girlfriend know where you got that burn?” Lady breaks in, being the almighty secret keeper.

Zuko hesitates. He looks to Daphne, and his girlfriend’s face speaks volumes. He finally lets go, scowling at the trio as he breaks through them and walks away. Fourteen-year-old freshman Art King accomplishes the daunting task of carrying a stack of textbooks from his previous six classes. Fifteen-year-old sophomore Janis Ian and her twin sister April walk by, poking at the stack. Their same age classmate Jackson Stewart nearly crashes into him while chasing after his fourteen-year-old freshman sister Miley.

“Why are you chasing her, Dude?” Raj Koothrapoli, fourteen-year-old junior, asks Jackson.

“She stole my wallet,” He complains. “I’m supposed to take _Elena Gilbert_ on a date tonight.”

Elena Gilbert and her best friends Caroline Forbes and Bonnie Bennett are fifteen-year-old sophomores and are very popular among Jackson’s friend group. Bonnie is dating their fourteen-year-old classmate Basil Stocker, and Caroline is dating fifteen-year-old junior Maurice Richardson. Sixteen-year-old junior Devon Banks strolls into his finance classroom. His same age classmate Frankie Grande waves him over from behind thirteen-year-old sophomore Velma Dinkley and fourteen-year-old freshman Belle French.

Zuko and Rataxes fall in line behind eleven-year-old sophomore Dexter Cressida upon entering their chemistry class. The boys split up to sit with their assigned partners already seated at the labs on the sides of the room. Zuko sits beside Celeste; Rataxes, with fifteen-year-old junior Larry Michi; Dexter, with seventeen-year-old senior Clutch Jarsky. Down the hall, fourteen-year-old freshman Phoebe Halliwell and fifteen-year-old sophomore Cat Valentine gossip in biology class.

Fourteen-year-old freshman Lilly Truscott skates across the stage, only to be startled when the drama coach jumps out of the wings.

“Whoa, Sikowitz, dude.” Lilly’s same age classmate, Kit Gilzean, calls out. “Way to harsh her vibes.”

The skateboard had flown offstage when she fell backward. In doing so, the board cracked a little upon impact with the side of the stage. Fourteen-year-old freshman Oliver Oken retrieves it, and Lilly thanks him while also pointing out the cracked edge.

“I can fix it!” Fifteen-year-old sophomore Felix Fixit pulls out a roll of duct tape and grabs the board with his free hand.

“Where do you keep the tapety roll?” Sixteen-year-old junior Julien Lemur-King calls out.

While his classmates briefly wonder where his voice is coming from, he abruptly falls from the catwalk. His classmates scream out, some shielding themselves, but Julien swings from a bungee-like curtain tieback. Sikowitz takes another sip of his coconut and grins wildly.

“Fascinating!”

Meanwhile, backstage, the rest of their classmates – thirteen-year-old sophomore Sherlock Holmes; fourteen-year-old freshman Kim Possible; fifteen-year-old sophomores Janis, Damian Markham, Aaron Samuels; sixteen-year-old juniors Shannon Blake and Danielle Walker – play a game of Go Fish.

Schools come to an end for the day, and the extracurricular programs open. The Catholic Academy located in the rural town of Danver, Our Lady of Perpetual Benevolence, is no exception.

Maggie Lowe is a fifteen-year-old sophomore who plays the French horn in the band. Fourteen-year-old freshmen brothers Fred and Ben Sullivan and their duplicates are also in the band. They alternate instruments, and they are all well-versed in playing the flute, bassoon, saxophone, tuba, clarinet, bass guitar, piccolo, and drums. Seventeen-year-old junior Mindy Crenshaw is a member of the Honor Society, specializing in science. Fourteen-year-old freshman Oliver Hampton is also a member, focusing on technology.

Fourteen-year-old freshman Eleanor Miller is on the soccer team and heads to practice in the field. Eleanor’s same age classmate Charles van Dahl works for the school magazine. Seventeen-year-old senior Maddie Fitzpatrick no longer has time for the band, because she needs to take a bus to the Tipton Hotel, where she works as the resident candy counter girl.

Sixteen-year-old junior and Mindy’s cousin Chad Crenshaw, and fourteen-year-old freshman Jeanette Miller are members of the Danver community book club and takes the shuttle to get there. Seventeen-year-old junior and Chad’s third cousin, Denise Crenshaw, has interests in makeup, and she has an afterschool job at Janus Cosmetics in Gotham City. Fourteen-year-old freshman Brittany Miller loves to dance and takes ballet lessons every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after school at the Pedagogy Dance Studio in Danver.

Fifteen-year-old sophomore Cali Haji heads straight for shopping at the Galleria Mall in Lava Springs. Toph Beifong, sixteen-year-old junior, adopts the nickname The Blind Bandit to fight in an underground club. Kaitlin Cooper, a thirteen-year-old eighth grader, heads to the Lazy C Ranch in Danver to ride her alopecia horse, China. Sixteen-year-old junior Lindsay Gardner goes to the Building Permit Board ee to get off work so they can pick up dinner. Being Monday, six-year-old third-grader Dil Pickles heads to Litwak’s Arcade for laser tag practice.

Eighteen-year-old senior Meadhra Sullivan is a member of the community theater group. Fifteen-year-old sophomore Melanie Puckett is a founding member of the Danver Chapter of NOW. Seventeen-year-old senior Marcy McCarthy has an afterschool job at Club Banana in the Galleria Mall. Her fifteen-year-old sophomore friend Sasha van Dahl accompanies her to shop and get discounts. As it’s a Monday, fifteen-year-old sophomore Bart Franklin takes a bus to Chino to volunteer at a soup kitchen.

Sixteen-year-old junior Grace Gardner has nowhere to go after school, so she heads home, where she lives with her dad Wes. Kiyi Cohn, nine-year-old fourth-grader, also returns home to her dad Noren and mom Noriko. Sixteen-year-old junior Dmitri Barnes heads home to start cooking dinner for his dad Carl. Dmitri walks to his East Oaks home, stumbling into a group of skaters – sixteen-year-old junior Reggie Rocket, and fourteen-year-old freshmen Otto Rocket and Twister Rodrguez.

“Wicked wipeout, dude!” Twister exclaims as Reggie holds out a hand and asks, “You okay?”

“I’m cool.” Dmitri cracks his knuckles before accepting Reggie’s hand. “Thanks.”

The skaters are on their way to the community skating rink, where East Oaks High rents out every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday after school for hockey practice. Fifteen-year-old sophomore Westin Wolf is already there, making figure eights. Wilson Wolf, sixteen-year-old junior, has baseball practice, and then boxing practice directly after. Sixteen-year-old junior Wally Wolf is on the football field, pulling his weight with the practice dummies. His same age classmate Georgie Cooper joins him, followed by the latter’s dad – also the football coach – George Cooper.

Seventeen-year-old senior Wade stays in the library, holding a tutoring session for Dan Howell.

“Did you study over break?”

Dan snorts in response. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Alright. List the kingdoms of life in order from least to the most complex.”

Dan stares back blankly. “And this is basic?”

Outside at the soccer field, Ithrottaalfurinn has shown up as an assistant coach. He sets down his cage on the bench by the Gatorade pitcher. Dorito and Dalmatian scurry along to view their new surroundings. Fifteen-year-old freshman Glanni Glaepur struts up to him in a bedazzled soccer uniform.

“Are you our new coach, Baby?”

Ithro flushes. “You can’t call me that.”

Glanni gets into the shorter teenager’s personal space, traipsing an oddly cool painted nail along his collarbone as he circles him enticingly.

“Sure, I can, Dollface. Let’s go meet the team. I simply can’t wait to take advantage of the clean sheet, Playmaker.”

Ithro stutters something unintelligible but follows Glanni to the field. In turn, Ithro meets fourteen-year-old freshmen Chloe Decker and Tina Greer, fifteen-year-old freshman Gina Tribbiani, fifteen-year-old sophomores Lizzie McGuire and Teresa Lisbon, sixteen-year-old junior Terry Hopps, and seventeen-year-old seniors Jesse Puff Jr, and triplets Rusty, Riddle, and Reace Wolf.

“Alright. Nice to meet you all. Been playing long?”

“Goalkeeper since freshman year, Sir.” Terry steps up. “Nothing can get past me.”

“That’s good.” Ithro smiles. “Let’s get started on some warm-ups.”

The journalism club ends at four o’clock. Fifteen-year-old sophomore Gordo Gordon walks out of the doors with eleven-year-old sophomore Vincent Nigel-Murray. They live in the same neighborhood, and they walk home together. The Junior Bow and Arrow Club ends at the same time. Fifteen-year-old sophomore Freddie Benson leaves, making arrow puns with his same age club friend Chandler Bing.

Fourteen-year-old freshman Kimmy Gibbler convinced her same age best friend DJ Tanner to come with her to shop at the Galleria Mall. They’re now looking through the lingerie store Not Quite Naked. While Kimmy is free-spirited, DJ is more closed off. She’s leafing through a Blush magazine while Kimmy ‘tries on’ the lingerie over her own clothes.

Fourteen-year-old freshman Jane Turnkey fences in the JROTC courtyard with sixteen-year-old junior Gunther Breech. Eighteen-year-old seniors Jim Gordon and Carlos Alvarez watch in amusement as they also fence other JROTC soldiers. Jim fences with sixteen-year-old junior Derek Morgan, while Carlos fences with fourteen-year-old freshman Katara DeWhit.

Fifteen-year-old freshmen Carly Shay and Sam Puckett hang out at the Shay apartment, watching _Girlie Cow_ while Carly’s twenty-three-year-old guardian brother Spencer works on building a new sculpture out of soda bottles.

Around five o’clock, fifteen-year-old sophomore Sokka DeWhit arrives at the Krusty Krab. Krabby patties are recently the hottest burgers in town. He notices sixteen-year-old fellow outcast junior Garth Gibbler sitting at a table and walks over, throwing his bag on the opposite stool.

“Mind if I sit?” When Garth grunts in response, Sokka shrugs. “I’m gonna take that as a ‘yes’.”

Sokka walks up to the register, but Squidward deadpan speaks up before he can say a word. “Let me guess. You want a Krabby patty?”

“Uh, yeah. Guess you hear that a lot, huh?”

“Whatever.” He half-turns toward the back window. “Spongeboob, another Krabby patty.”

Spongebob and Squidward’s boss, Mr. Krabs, suddenly races out of his office. “Sponge, me boy, your Krabby patty technique has got me raking ‘em in by the dozen!”

Mr. Krabs proudly presents Spongebob with his own nametag, a ceremony-worthy event that Spongebob plays to a tee. Squidward, on the other hand, picks up a magazine and ignores them. Mr. Krabs walks away, and Spongebob begins the next patty. In doing so, he grins to his coworker.

“Isn’t this great, Squidward? Now we can”

“Don’t talk to me.”

Fourteen-year-old freshman Clark Kent has been home for hours. He’s practiced some basketball, and now he’s scrolling through twitter on his box desktop computer. He reaches AmazingPhil’s latest tweet, talking about how he’s given away Dorito, Dalmatian, Goldilocks, Churro, Porkchop, and a mostly black hamster with a white smudge on its face named Badger.

In separate homes in different neighborhoods, eleven-year-old juniors Spencer Reid and Sheldon Cooper play with their model train sets in their respective basement and garage.

At ten till six, sixteen-year-old junior Winnie Wolf arrives at her fourteen-year-old freshman friend Judy Hopps’ house to watch a marathon of _The Valley_. Fifteen-year-old sophomore superfan Josh Nichols is already there.

Seventeen-year-old senior brothers Weepy and Wanye sit on the couch, arguing over what to watch on their portable TV. Wanye wants to watch _Dr. Sexy, M.D._ ; Weepy is an avid fan of _The Justice Friends_. Their sixteen-year-old junior brother Whoopty ignores them in favor of his Warrior Angel comic book.

Fifteen-year-old sophomore Bert Franklin and thirteen-year-old eighth grader Ernie Whitmore are over at Ernie’s house, having finally decided on a show to watch: _C.C. Cruiser and the Hot Rod Squad_.

Glanni stealthily climbs through the window of the bedroom he shares with his twin junior brother Robbie. The latter is on his bed, reading his latest issue of Warrior Angel. Noticing a cage attached to his brother, he gets up and helps Glanni sneak in. the latter has already missed dinner, and their dad Loki won’t be letting them out of their room. Their three brothers and sister are in their rooms as well.

“… you brought mice.”

“Hamster, Robbie.” Glanni shakes his head. “Dalmatian and Dorito.”

Robbie frowns with a fondness in his eyes. Glanni counts it as a victory.

“Fine. But they’re staying by _your_ bed.”

“Deal.”

The brothers shake hands, a magical spark forming between them. Robbie then flops back onto his bed and pulls a Tupperware tray from his bedside table.

“I saved what I could get away with.”

Robbie tosses Glanni the box containing dinner fragments. Glanni thanks him with a nod before falling onto his own bed.

** Tuesday, January 14th **

When the midday bell rings at Aesop Academy, Phil and Ethan again retreat to the parking lot. They’ve made more signs, and Phil gives a pep talk to the remaining seven babies. Ethan sends out a ‘go’ text, and the boys sit back to welcome more potential homes. Lulu, Melanie, and Kronk return, claiming to have their parents’ permission for a hamster. While Lulu heads straight for the one that looks like he has a lion’s mane and Melanie is hooked on the one that almost looks like she has pigtails, Kronk is contemplating.

Ethan gives away Simba to Lulu and Cindy Lou to Melanie. Kronk is still staring at the bundle of hamsters when Connor arrives. Ethan flushes instantly, but Connor ignores him in favor of Phil.

“Hey, Babe.”

Phil’s eyebrows move to his hairline, but he quickly composes himself once he realizes who is talking to him. Connor is flirty by nature, so he doesn’t let it get to him.

“Do you want a hamster?”

Connor shrugs. “Kid sister watches your videos. Thought I’d get one for her.” Keeping his gaze on Phil, he reaches down and pulls out a pure white fluffball. “Who’s this?”

“Ssnowball.” Phil answers.

He smiles, leaning in to whisper in the other boy’s ear. “I’ll take her.”

“Shhh… she’ll be in a great home.” Phil inwardly shirks from his stuttering.

Connor leaves, and Ethan pushes Phil.

“Why’s he flirting with you?”

“He flirts with everyone.”

Ethan frowns more. “But we hooked up two days ago.”

Phil frowns. “I think he hooks up with everyone, too.”

“Did he hook up with you?”

Phil shakes his head. “But I’m not interested in him.”

Ethan smirks, taking advantage of no one around. “Anyone you _are_ interested in?”

Phil blushes. “Sarah Michelle Gellar and the Tiptons’ gardener.”

“Eddison is, like, fifty, dude.”

Phil shakes his head again. “No, they fired him. But Deacon is twenty. I have pictures.”

The boys are looking at sneaky pictures taken of the hot gardener when Martin walks up to the box of hamsters. He reaches in and pulls out one with wild gray hair sticking out in all directions. With his free hand, he writes on the board around his neck.

‘What’s his name?’

“Einstein.”

‘I want him.’

Phil nods, and Martin cranes his neck. ‘Are you recording this?’

“Yeah. I’m on YouTube.”

Martin nods. He waves to the camera without smiling, and Ethan hands him a cage and food for Einstein. The young boy accepts them and allows Phil to place the hamster in his carrying case. Martin nods again and walks away with the new member of the family.

Later, when school lets out, Brother walks home from Caspar Harbor, collecting Sister at Hendry Hill. Heading home, Sister notices Gunther at Felix’s doorstep. The unfamiliar teenager has a clipboard and pamphlets, while the shorter teenager from Brother’s school looks very worried.

“Does Felix look upset to you?”

Brother shrugs. “Dunno. We’re not that close anymore.”

Farther down, Sister again points out something happening at a doorstep. An older version of Gunther is standing at the Ians’ doorstep. Janis, April, and Damian are talking to the man, irritation and anxiety written on their faces. Brother again brushes it off, not close enough to any of them to want to get involved.

The Bears turn down their road and come to the sheriff’s home. Rather than Gunther or his dad, Rataxes Lorde is standing at the stoop. He’s talking things out with Kevin before leaving him in a distressed state, having paid the intimidating man. Sister ignores Brother and walks over.

“Hey, Kev.”

The boy’s eyes flash up and he straightens his posture on impulse. “Oh. Hey, Sister. Brother.”

“Who was that?”

“Eh. We’re… we lost our home insurance. They sent someone to get us on a different program.”

“He doesn’t work for an insurance company,” Brother butts in. “He’s just a no-good bully at my school.”

Kevin blinks. “What the hell are you talking about? He had all the papers.”

He thrusts the folder and pamphlets to Brother, who takes them in confusion. He’s floundering on what to say when Sister cuts in.

“Don’t worry, Kevin. Brother and I’ll figure this out.”

He shakes his head, reaching inside for his jacket. “No way. I’m coming with you.” He pauses as he heads down the stoop. “And I know someone else who can help.”

Devon watches his half-brother leave with the Bears, silently grateful that the younger boy has more friends than Betty Cooper. A few hours later, however, Sister, Brother, their cousin Freddy, Kevin, and his best friend Betty have formed a Scam Awareness Club. Sister and Betty make flyers to hand out to everyone who was contacted by fraudulent insurance workers; Freddy and Kevin work to create a website. Brother, on the other hand, decides to snoop around the three they know and see how far this thing goes.

** Wednesday, January 15th **

Julien wakes up with a wild grin on his face. He’s in and out of the shower in five minutes, and he’s sitting at his vanity when Maurice walks in. Julien’s grin threatens to fall when Maurice goes straight to basic business.

“Alright, Jule. There’s nothing before school. After classes, you have cheerleading practice, and then there’s the family meeting with Babar and Celeste.”

“Uh, thank to be telling of me, Maurice.” Julien sighs, applying his mascara. “Do be of waiting for me in the food place thingy with cakes from the pan and syrupy goodness.”

Maurice nods and leaves the room. Julien lets out a large sigh after the door closes. He grabs his darker makeup products to project his mood in hopes that someone will realize they’ve forgotten an important holiday. It takes Julien roughly an hour and a half to get his makeup on and find his least flashy clothes. He enters the kitchen, distressed farther from the lack of decorations and people. He eats his offered pancakes in silence, perking up slightly when the doorbell rings.

Priya walks inside, and Julien deflates once more. “Hello, Mort. The car is waiting.”

“Why is skatey book girl here?”

“Mort and I were assigned partners, and I need his help before class. New look?”

Julien uncharacteristically scowls at her and returns to his breakfast.

Later, at lunch, Phil and Ethan set up their booth again. There are three hamsters remaining – a yellow and brown one, a pink runt of the litter, and a calico – and they scurry around in the box. Being another slow day, Phil trusts Ethan to paint his nails black with glitter. Near the end of lunch break, Dean Peacock walks up.

“Do you boys have a permit for this… nail painting station?”

“Hamster booth.” Phil corrects him automatically.

Peacock raises an eyebrow. “You’re selling hamsters?”

“Giving them away.” Ethan corrects him, “Did you want one?”

The dean grabs the yellow-brown hamster from the box and motions for the boys to stand up with his empty hand.

“What’s this little guy’s name?”

“… Pretzel.”

“I’ll take him.”

Ethan places Pretzel in the cage with food and hands him over to the dean. Peacock accepts the cage.

“Thank you, boys. Ethan, take the box. Boys, follow me.”

Ethan and Phil exchange glances and oblige. As they head back to the school, Aria walks up.

“What’s in the box?”

“Hamsters.” Ethan pats the sides.

“Seriously?” She looks between the boys and the cage the dean is carrying. “How much?”

“Free.” Phil supplies.

“Let’s go, boys.”

“I’ll take the small one.”

Phil grins, handing off Napoleon and some food. “The cage is in the parking lot at our booth.”

Aria nods and walks away with her newfound pet while the boys follow the dean to his office for the unsolicited hamster donation.

When school ends, Julien is in a snappish, sarcastic mood. He heads to the main gymnasium for cheerleading practice. Maurice, Azula, Kim, Regina, Dee, Lady, Shannon, Cat, Elena, Phoebe, and Celeste watch the usually upbeat cheer captain stomp inside.

“What is all of you to be staring at? Let us get started!”

Popping, upbeat music plays on a boom box.

“Pump, it up, we’re here to bring you action!” Celeste and Regina start the cheer, moving to the front of the group.

“Sizzling! Like a pound of bacon!” Azula, Kim, and Lady strut just behind them.

“Move to the beat, like a light to a beacon!” Maurice and Elena cheer while the first five and Shannon lift Dee and Cat by their feet.

“Hands up!” Phoebe flips in the air, pausing before continuing, realizing that Julien isn’t going to cheer. “And give it up for the Fire Lions!”

Regina storms over to the distraught cheerleader. “What is with you? Cheer, damn it!”

He glares at her and mock cheers. “Regina, Regina, move it to Argentina. You do the cheer and the bitch, flippity hair, we snore. Think you be ruling the school because you be putting it out, you is a whore.”

Regina’s face goes white, and the other cheerleaders are in shock. Julien glowers at them, motioning his head for Maurice to follow him out. He kicks the pom poms out of his way and storms back to the locker room. When Maurice walks in after awkwardly apologizing to Regina on Julien’s behalf, the other teenager is in his drab clothes and not bothering to reapply his smudged makeup.

“Uh, Julien?”

“Do not even be starting with me, Maurice. We are to be going home now.”

“Uh, maybe you forgot ab”

“I did not forgot about the cousins of the King. I do not care to be companying of people today. I wish to the Sky Gods to have being alone now, Maurice.”

Julien’s voice has a hostile edge to it, and it takes Maurice aback. Julien leaves him in the room, and he pulls out a cell phone.

“Hey, Art. We went too far. He’s pissed.”

“Hey to you too. Is he coming back early?”

“Yeah. He blew up at Regina, and I think I need to find another ride home.”

“Mmm. Well, the cake is almost fixed. I got Piper to come over and help.”

“Are there a lot of people there already?”

Art shrugs on the other side. “Maybe fifty? Sheeran and Reeves are in the pool.”

Maurice sighs. “Okay. I’m hitching a ride with Larry. Maybe we can salvage this mess.”

Shortly after, Julien recklessly drives home in his Barbie pink Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution. He leaves it by the gate rather than worry about locking it up. He walks in the side entrance behind the kitchen but stops short. The smell of Le Grand Louis XVI chocolate cake is in the air, and he gravitates toward it. He notices Tom Hanks out of the corner of his eye, hooking up some wires to his flat screen.

The teenager turns his head more fully into his game room. Jim Carrey and Buck Tuddrussel are playing Mario Kart on another screen, and Keanu walks by with a towel indicating he’s just gotten out of the pool. Patrick Stewart is reading _Hamlet_ in the corner, and Bruce Willis is standing on a ladder, hanging a ‘happy birthday’ banner above the stairwell. When the ladder wobbles, Julien almost makes his presence known. Instead, Steve Zahn shows up out of nowhere and steadies it.

The teenager finally turns back to the kitchen. He first sees Linda McCartney and Bryan Cranston gossiping over a couple of platinum passion cocktails. Hannah Montana, CC Babcock, and Hayden Christensen play Taste Tester for Piper’s cooking. Renee Zellweger drags Narcissa Malfoy along to dance with her when a Milli Vanilli song hits the speakers. Tim Burton walks past him, drying off his hair and face and wearing swim trunks. Julien finally steps around the corner and coughs.

The guests, celebrity and not, call out, “Happy birthday, Julien!”

Julien lets his jaw fall open in surprise. “Thi-this is for me?”

“Of course, my liege.” Maurice smiles tentatively with Mort and Larry in tow. “Heh, heh. Sorry about this morning.”

“You were to be pretendering like you forgetted my day of birth so you could be surprising me? The Sky Gods have not forsaken me?”

“Nah,” Adam Sandler walks over, Pac-Man music emanating from his phone. “Just in time for games and cake.”

“There is chocolatey cake?”

Bill Murray rounds the corner with a layered cake. “Happy birthday... to yooooou."

His crooning voice invites the other guests to appear. They sing along, growing louder as the cake brings Julien to his throne in the oversized sunroom. London walks over and kisses his cheek as his many gifts are carted to his side. His seventeenth birthday is celebrated.

** Thursday, January 16th **

Mandy shows up at Billy’s house at six in the morning to give him a cupcake for his hamster’s tenth birthday.

“Hi, Mandy!” He greets her loudly, wearing a party hat. “Did you come early for Mr. Snuggles’ birthday?”

“You know I did,” She responds monotonously. “Plus, you know he’s dying.”

“Naw,” He brushes her off in denial. “He’s just tired. C’mon! I got the limbo set up in the backyard!”

Mandy rolls her eyes but follows him anyway. Billy picks up the hamster and thrusts him toward his friend.

“Say hi, Mr. Snuggles. You remember Mandy.”

“He’s barely breathing, Billy.”

“Why would you say that!?” He squeals, bringing him back to his chest.

She points behind him. “Because the Grim Reaper didn’t come for us.”

Billy gasps and backs up, but he quickly has his dopey smile on his face again. “Hi, Grim!”

The Reaper raises a nonexistent eyebrow at the teenagers. “You two… can see me?” They nod. “And… you’re not afraid?”

They shake their heads, and Mandy speaks for them both. “We’ve seen ghosts and the like since we were in second grade. The Grim Reaper doesn’t scare us.”

“… right. I’m here to harvest a soul. The hamster?”

“No, he’s not ready to go.” Billy shakes his head.

“Let’s make a deal.” Mandy proposes. “We play limbo. You win, you take the soul. I win, you’ll be our sl”

“Best friend!” Billy interjects.

Mandy nods. “Okay. Our best friend. Tied to us.”

“Until?” He asks.

“Until Billy graduates. From college.”

“And my incentive?” The Reaper waves his hand.

“My soul.”

He eyes her and nods. “Deal.”

She bends backward and completes her turn, and Grim scoffs. When he starts to go under the limbo stick however, Mandy possesses control over Billy’s hamster and sics him on Grim. Having cheated, Grim loses and is forced to become their… best friend.

At Lakewood High, before lunch, Grace approaches Zack at his locker. She’s dressed in her tennis uniform.

“Looking good, Zack.”

“Thank… you? Why are you wearing your uniform at school?”

“Oh, we’re going to practice in the field at lunch.”

“You’re not eating?”

“Nah. I’m fine. I’ll snag an apple.”

“Um, okay.”

“Do you want to go out sometime? With me?”

“… out where?”

“Movies? We can catch a vampire one.”

“Vampires are mathematically impossible.”

She shrugs. “Space flight _used_ to be impossible. Think about the movie?”

He nods. “Okay.”

The Bagdasarian-Russell-Matarazzo brothers walk past Zack, unaware of his inner turmoil. The boys reach their lockers; Simon grabs his next class’s books, Alvin grabs his football to play during lunch, and Theo grabs the lunch Simon packed for him.

“That Danforth thinks he knows everything.” Alvin scowls.

“Did he make fun of your voice again?” Simon sighs.

“He said I should audition to be the mascot because I have the voice of a bird.”

“I don’t think you sound like a bird.” A girl speaks up from behind them. She has a voice similar to theirs. “Hi, I’m Elle.” She walks over with two other girls. “And these are my sisters. Jeanette and Brittany. We just moved here.”

Alvin rubs the back of his head, turning to face her. “Thanks. Uh, I’m Alvin. And these are my brothers. Theo and Si… mon.”

He pauses when he sees Brittany. He shuts his locker door and walks over to talk to her. She’s busy filing her nails, however, and doesn’t pay attention to him. The other four continue chatting.

After school, Edd labels all the items in his room with his new label maker, as the old ones have been peeling away. He had advised his friend Zack online to go with Grace to the movie. It took some convincing. Glanni, under his alias Rikki, sneaks in through the window. He relaxes on the bed, swapping some nearby labels around to drive his close friend up the wall. Edd notices quickly, but he drops his labeler in shock.

“Rikkiiii, did you move my magnifying glass?”

“I haven’t been near your desk, Love.”

Edd swipes a hand over his desk as if it’ll magically appear. “Oh, I feel so violated."

Rikki steps off the couch, placing what he hopes to be a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Maybe it fell off. Or you misplaced it.”

Edd accidentally shoves him backward in an outrage. “ _Never_! What has become of this world? Is nothing sacred? D'oh, everything is soiled! Who would do such a thing? Who would violate the sanctity of somebody's room... _with their filthy hands_!?” He grabs his stomach and begins whimpering; shaking even. “Oh, Rikki, I feel sick. I feel nauseous. _I can’t breathe_!”

Rikki determinedly grabs Edd's shoulder and slaps him across the face with his free hand. Edd sighs but stops breathing fast. He steps out of the way, and Rikki’s hand wavers.

“Thank you. I... needed that."

“Anytime, ‘hon.”

Once Edd calms down, he gets dressed. He and Rikki then go to Joey’s house. When they arrive, they notice from the basement window that Joey is watching a horror movie on TV.

“C’mon,” Rikki grins. “Let’s get the jump on him.”

Edd nods, worries depleting. He silently opens the window, allowing Rikki in first. Rikki sneaks up on Joey during a pivotal moment in the movie, but Joey quickly turns around, proving he’s not as engrossed as he looks. He pulls Rikki into a headlock, and Edd jumps in. The boys tussle, but they’re soon interrupted when Chandler barges in from the basement door connected to the house.

“Joey! Did you take my clarinet again?”

“No!” Joey frowns, dropping his arms so his friends back up. “I bought a real plunger.”

“Joey…”

“Okay, Gina bought it.”

Chandler frowns now, and Edd walks over. “Someone stole my magnifying glass, too.”

An hour later, it’s getting dark. Rikki and Edd have set up flyers around the neighborhood to catch the apparent thief. As the former walks the latter home, they come across Kevin. He’s holding a flyer.

“You dorks are going to find the creep who stole my bike helmet?”

“We’ll try our best, Kevin.” Edd assures him.

** Friday, January 17th **

Early in the morning, Squidward trips over the horde of random items his mom bought at an estate sale. To get rid of it, he piles the objects in front of Spongebob’s door, sure that his strange neighbor will take it in.

After classes, Phil places a sock on his door handle and locks himself in his room. He sets up his video camera and logs onto Twitter to alert his live show.

Meanwhile, in East Oaks, Rikki, Edd, and Joey have uncovered the thieves – some Metropolites made up a game to sneak into their homes and play an advanced game of Capture the Flag. Two of them – twenty-year-old Lex Luthor and twenty-one-year-old Levi Wolf – agree to stop the game and hand over the stolen belongings.

At the end of Phil’s live show, he explains how his mom gave away the mama hamster; he still has Norris and the calico hamster Alan.

** Saturday, January 18th **

“Alright, kids. Global Justice has issued a case for us.” Agent Minelli steps in front of a crowd of four teenagers and a preteen. “The body of a missing girl has been found. Patrick and Teresa, come with me. Kimball, you and Wesley can handle the press if it gets too much. And Issadora”

“Izzi.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Izzi, you can stay in the office and man the phones.”

‘Such a kid job,’ she mumbles under her breath.

The kids split and go to their stations. Minelli drives Patrick and Teresa to a nice-looking house surrounded by cops, ambulances, and news cameras. The parents of the young girl are giving a press conference on the side lawn, and Patrick focuses on how the woman looks as the man talks. He turns to share his findings, but Teresa and Minelli have already walked off. Patrick then wanders inside and makes a sandwich and some tea. The woman comes into her house but stops short.

“Who are you? Why are you in my house?”

“I’m with Global Justice, Miss.” He responds, stirring his tea. “Would you like me to make you some?”

She nods. “I’ve read about Global Justice. Tea would be lovely.”

Twenty minutes later, the two are chatting about bungee jumping and the life she had before marriage. Patrick, from his angle at the table, sees the husband smiling almost as he answers questions from the press. He turns back to the woman.

“You seem very happy with your husband.”

“I am.”

“Then why do you think he might be guilty?”

She looks affronted. “I don’t.”

As the teenager rattles off reasons he’s noticed in the short time he’s been there, the woman grows pale with realization. Patrick leans in to whisper quietly when he sees the husband step off his podium.

“I’m going to ask him.”

“What if he lies?”

“Most people can tell when their spouses are lying.”

The man walks in at that point, sporting a half-cocked grin. Patrick walks up to him, back facing the wife, and he extends his hand. When the man shakes it, Patrick’s words rush out.

“Hello, I’m with the police. Your wife is lovely. Did you kill your daughter?”

The man’s face twists in anger and he wrenches his hand away. “What kid asks that? I can make your life a living hell.”

“Already living it, but that’s not a no.”

Patrick has the good sense to back up, and the wife gasps. “Did you kill our daughter?”

The husband looks at her like she’s lost her mind. “What? No!”

She runs out of the room. The husband advances on Patrick, threatening him until his wife returns and shoots her husband in the back of his chest. Patrick sets down his tea and raises his hands in surrender when Minelli, Teresa, and a few other cops barge in.

“It’s honestly not as bad as it looks.”

Minelli has another agent watch over Teresa while he drives Patrick home. The teenager has been suspended for a week. On the way home, Patrick looks out the window. One thing piques his interest at the park.

“Virgil, look!” He points excitedly. “They’re making kites!”

Minelli looks over with a soft smile masked by annoyance. Patrick may be sixteen, but Minelli swears sometimes he could pass for six. He shakes his head, reminding the younger of the suspension.

At the same park, Sister and Brother are designing their Scam Awareness Club kite for the contest. Brother hadn’t been interested, but Sister has convinced him that they need to get the word out.

A few hours later, the evidence of the husband killing his daughter has been unraveled. Teresa sits in the passenger seat as they pass the park. It’s getting dark, and the contestants are still working on their kites. Streetlights have come on. On the other side of the park, Grace and Zack are walking toward the Octoplex.

“It’s nice out, tonight.”

“Yes,” Zack falters, not having expected to be talking. “The crescent is showing it’s earthshine.”

She blinks. “On the moon?”

He nods. “The moon is less than one-half illuminated by the sun but less than one quarter illuminated.”

“Amazing.”


	3. Student Council, a Missing Momo, and a Baking Contest in a Heat Wave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta'd this time

** Sunday, January 19th **

At ten in the morning, Billy’s mom Gladys walks into her living room and feels the need to adjust her eyes. Her son is playing one of his violent video games on the floor, and someone who is not Mandy is on the couch behind him. Drinking one of Harold’s beers. Wearing a cloak. And has a sunken Jamaican face. She screams and yanks her son to his feet.

“Oh, hi, Mom.”

“Billy,” She whispers anxiously. “Who is that man?”

“Oh, you mean Grim?” He smiles, beckoning his ‘best friend’ over. “Griiiiim, come say hi to my mom.”

“Tha’s not me name, ‘Mon.” He mutters under his breath but follows.

Gladys’ eyes widen and she begins to shake. Grim takes in the delight that someone in the house fears him. As he begins an incantation under his breath, Mandy appears out of nowhere.

“No hexing Billy’s mom.”

“I wasn’t hexin’ her.”

“No reaping her soul, either.”

Grim deflates, and Gladys screams again. She grabs her purse and leaves home. Grim shrugs. He grabs his beer from where he left it suspended mid-air and sits back on the couch. Likewise, Billy returns to his video game, and Mandy picks up the spare controller.

Near noon, Alex Jane enacts his months-planned scheme. He gets dressed in designer clothing stolen from a window mannequin in a nice shop in Metropolis. Donning contacts that resemble a blind man’s, he dials a memorized number.

“What’s my role and what’s my take?”

“Where are your manners, Magnus?” Alex laughs shortly.

“Shove off, Jane.”

“Hmm. Blind man’s driver and twenty percent.”

“Thirty.”

“Twenty-five.”

“What car?”

“Camry for now.”

“Aye, Jane.”

Alex walks to the park with his shades and glasses, choosing to ignore the kite-flying contest occurring behind him. He also hardly notices a group of eighteen-year-old redheaded triplets. The oldest, Daisy, checks her pager before she sits down.

“I don’t know why you don’t trade that thing in,” Middle child Dawn complains. “It’s so tacky.”

“Says the girl with the extra toe,” She rolls her eyes. “Besides, models have it easy. Doctors are always on call.”

The youngest shakes her head, eyes falling on a group of three boys sitting under a tree. She ignores the one by the open books and the one painting his nails, zoning in on the boy scarfing down the picnic food.

“Earth to Dorothy!” Dawn snaps her fingers in front of her sister’s face.

“Look at the boys.” She smiles. “Let’s go mess with them.”

“Mess?”

“You know, _mess_.” She adds a flirtatious body movement to accentuate her meaning.

“Ahh.” Daisy nods, eying the boys. “Dibs on nail painter.”

At the tree, Edd is finishing next week’s homework assignments. He likes to get the projects in advance so it’s less to stress over. Rikki applies another coat of polish to his nails, so they look like meteorites set ablaze. They enjoy an amicable conversation, but Joey’s focus is solely on his food. The girls strut over, each picking a boy.

“I love this shade,” Daisy grabs a periwinkle bottle that Rikki hadn’t bothered to use. “Think you could paint me?”

“Advanced physics?” Dawn looks over Edd’s shoulder, causing him to flinch toward her. “That’s a big subject for a little man like you.”

“Wow, look at this picnic setup.” Dorothy sits next to Joey. “Did you fix this all yourself?”

Rikki grabs the bottle. “Maybe later.”

“Can you not crowd me?” Edd asks timidly.

Dawn indulges him, instead settling beside him. Joey scoots away from Dorothy.

“Joey doesn’t share food.”

“We have food at our apartment.” Dorothy assures him.

“Food, Netflix streaming, a hot tub…” Daisy tacks on.

“Scrubbed clean every day.” Dawn adds, figuring an OCD compulsion from her boy.

They look between one another and silently agree. Joey grabs his last few sandwiches. Edd and Rikki pack their belongings, and the boys follow the Blakes to their apartment.

Back at the Uglio house, Harold walks into the living room. The Reaper is lying on the couch, the cloak concealing much of his face. Mandy is nowhere in sight, and Billy happily plays his video game. Harold shakes his head, picking up his discarded beer can and wondering alous when he last had a taste. Gladys returns moments later.

“Okay, Harold. I went and talked to Sis. She’s going to let us stay with her for the rest of the month. She’s lonely, and we don’t need Billy to be exposed to _that_.”

“I’m sure he’s used to Mandy by now.”

She blinks slowly. “Not _Mandy_ , you dolt. That _thing_ sleeping on our sofa.”

Grim discreetly rolls his eyes. He’s not a thing, and he’s not sleeping. He’s simply recharging. Harold shakes his head.

“I think you’re hallucinating, ‘hon.”

“Hallucinating? Harold! That creature is a menace to Billy.”

Their son chooses that moment to walk in. He ignores the bickering parents and walks straight up to the couch with a controller in one hand and a coffee in the other.

“Griiim! Will you play with me? Mandy went home.”

Grim begrudgingly sits up, the cloak peeling back slightly to reveal his sunken features. “Must I, Billy?”

“I got coffee!” He adds, shaking the thermos.

He accepts it and takes a drink, smiling slightly. “Sure, I’ll play wit’ you, Billy.”

Gladys gawks at the scene and turns to her husband. “Did you see that!? The thing made a _deal_ with our son! He’s using him, and he’s going to kill us all!”

“I saw Billy give our guest a coffee and now I see them playing a game.”

“Ohhh! This isn’t the last you’ll hear of this, Harold!”

Alvin and Theo are watching _Bionic Bunny_ when the doorbell rings. Alvin calls for Simon to answer the door so he won’t miss any of his show. Put upon, his brother gets up from the kitchen table. He has gotten a head start on his science experiment for the upcoming fair.

“Yes, who is it?” He asks at the door while looking through the peephole.

The man on the other side appears to be blind and come from money. He’s standing there beside a heavyset man wearing a driver’s uniform.

“Hallo!” He greets with a twinge of an accent that Simon can’t place. “My name is Malcolm Oberst, brother to Gwyneth Matarazzo. I am looking for Theodore.”

Simon is dumbstruck, opening the door to allow them inside. “Uh, I’m his brother, Simon Russell. Who’s your friend?”

“Ah yes, how rude of me. Dis is Breton Cidarian. He speak not much English but he drive me well. Allow us inside?”

“Um, but, why are you here? Just to find us?”

“Ah, I come on behalf of sister dear. She wish to meet child but she is back in homeland. We must make the money to see her but much of my thing have been taken from me on street.”

“You were mugged? Oh, wow, yeah, come in.”

Simon lets them inside, asking that they wait in the kitchen while he goes to the living room. He turns off his brothers’ cartoon, to their complaints.

“Guys, we have a situation in the kitchen.”

“What, did your potato explode?” Alvin asks crossly.

“I’m serious, Alvin. We have an Uncle Malcolm. He’s in the kitchen with his driver. He knows Theo's mother.”

“Mother?” Theo jumps up. “Is it true, Simon?”

He nods. “He knew our names. He was mugged and he just came to America.”

Theo leads the way and the boys walk into the kitchen. Simon makes the introductions, and Malcolm is most pleased to learn that the boys occasionally sing and perform at the park. He’s dismayed, however, that the only money they’ve ever made doing it has been for better food when they were living in foster care.

Two hours later, Edd, Rikki, and Joey are relaxed in the Blakes’ apartment. They’ve been fed and allowed showers. The girls had given them plush robes, and they’re sitting on a long couch, watching an action movie. Dawn attempts to adjust Edd’s pillow, but he flinches away at the touch.

“Please refrain from touching my personal space while I’m otherwise engaged, thank you.”

“I’ll touch you when I please,” She sneers.

“Do you girls have any more food?” Joey asks when his stomach growls.

“Get off your lazy ass if you want more food.” Dorothy glowers at him.

“You girls feeling okay?” Rikki asks.

Daisy turns off the TV. “Get out, all of you.”

“May we take our clothes?” Edd inquires.

“We’ll mail them to you.” Dorothy strongarms the boys to their feet and shoves them toward the door. “Get out.”

Mandy returns, finding Harold, Billy, and Grim sitting on the couch watching mindless television. She looks around and sees no food.

“Where’s Gladys?”

“Mom went crazy, so she’s staying with Aunt Sis.”

“Huh.” She shrugs, taking the open seat between Billy and Grim.

** Monday, January 20th **

At eight o’clock in the morning, Rataxes, Lady, Basil, and Victor awkwardly stand in the main atrium of their new school. The four of them took an entrance exam, and Basil scored high enough for them to transfer to Aesop Academy. Dean Peacock walks up with the Dean of Admissions, Dr. Gevaarlijk. She has a clipboard with her and eyes the quartet in front of her with clear contempt.

“Victor Lorde. Says here you’re in eighth grade. “Go to the office for your schedule. High schoolers, follow me.”

The siblings shrug and do as she says. They walk down a few long hallways before reaching a y-section where one is another hall and the other side is a set of double doors.

“Basil Stocker. You passed the entrance exam. Your classes are through here.” He shrugs and goes through the doors, and the doctor faces the other two. “Rataxes and Lady Lorde, head down this hallway. The first office on your left has your schedules. Good day.”

At lunch break, Alvin walks up to his brothers standing at Theo’s locker. He has two guitars in hand and a roll-up keyboard under his arm.

“We can hook these up to the speakers on the courtyard stage and use my ball cap to gather money. Theo and I already made a sign in art class.”

Theo nods and proudly shows Simon, which reads: ‘Lunchtime Concert! Donations are appreciated. Proceeds go to the Meet Mom Charity.’

“Hmm, to the point.” Simon nods, grabbing the keyboard. “Alright, I’ll grab a tray table to set this on. Let’s go.”

At Aesop Academy, Rataxes has been growing frustrated. He doesn’t need help navigating his classes, and he possesses a decent amount of information for class discussion. He doesn’t particularly hate or love anyone. He does not like seeing ‘Vote King for SCP’ posters plastered in every hallway. Making his way to the main office rather than the cafeteria, he comes across a receptionist.

“Who do you need to see, Darling?”

“Whoever’s in charge of Student Council President.”

“Do you have a complaint?”

He shakes his head. “I’d like to run.”

After school, Alvin, Simon, and Theo group at the dwindling bike rack.

“How much did we make, Si?”

“Eh… about five dollars, sixteen cents, and a stick of celery. We need better brand awareness.”

Since his outing with Grace had gone well, Zack hadn’t vocalized a second thought when she asked him to pick up two teas at Espresso Pump. An eidetic memory comes in handy with extensive orders. He leaves his name and awkwardly wanders around the café. He hears his last name called by the barista and is about to grab his things when the glass behind him shatters. He smells smoke, and he tries to find something to shield him.

He grabs a water sitting on a table next to him as he falls from the impact. He quickly drenches himself in the water, pulling his collar over his nose and mouth while trying to shield himself with a fallen table. Alarms are going off, and people are shouting. Only minutes later feels like hours. He nearly falls over when he tries to stand. He pulls on his pants leg, looking intently.

_Must’ve dislocated my ankle._ He looks around the café. People are still in shock or moving around anxiously. He finds a broom sitting against the back wall behind the counter. He grabs it and breaks the bristles off by smacking it against the counter a few times. Using his new walking stick, Zack forgoes his order that must have been spilled in the incident. He hobbles to the window to analyze the scene.

_The SUV must have exploded. Cars like this don’t just explode for no reason._ He squints when his eyes catch a faint red glow emanating from behind the passenger side axle where the tire should cover. _That’s no ordinary LED_. Zack carefully climbs out of the window and lowers himself below the remnants of the vehicle. He pulls out a pair of latex gloves from his fanny pack and also collects a head lamp.

“Hey, Kid!” A gruff voice comes up from behind him. “Are you one of Campbell’s kids?”

Zack crawls out of his space and looks up. The policeman is staring at him, and Zack belatedly realizes he must have been under there longer than he thought. There’s crime scene tape on the windows, and there ‘s more than one cop on the scene.

“Yeah, I don’t expect you would tell me if you were. What did you find out?”

“This ohmmeter was wedged between the axles required for keeping the tire on the car. These are usually designed for testing blasting cap circuits. But this one has dysfunctional resistors that operate as a galvanometer rather than a catalyst to a multimeter, and”

“That light made the car go boom?” Officer Backstrom cuts him off impatiently.

Zack sighs. “Yes, the light made the car go boom.”

Blue nods and motions for one of his officers. “Alvarez, take the kid back to Campbell. We found the detonator.”

The other man nods, helping Zack to his feet when he notices the kid reaching for the walking stick. He helps him over to a blonde woman standing off to the side. There are a few other kids standing by her. Alvarez lifts the tape, ushering Zack under to the other side.

“Found one of your kids canvassing the scene, Campbell. Thought we had an agreement on how and when.”

“He’s new.”

“We’ll leave it as a warning. Watch yourself, kid.”

The woman purses her lips and turns to him when Alvarez walks away. “You’re not one of mine.” He shakes his head. “What’s your name, and what were you doing here?”

“Zack Addy. And I was buying two teas.”

“You’re a customer?” Her face shifts to one of concern. “Were you impaled in the blast?”

He shakes his head again. “I saw the ohmmeter blinking like a galvanometer would, and”

“You made a walking cane,” She interrupts. “Are you injured?”

He lifts his pant leg. “I dislocated my ankle. I’ll fix it when I can sterilize it.”

“Why wait?” She asks. “Kim, grab the mobile first aid kit.”

“Yes, ma’am.” The redhead behind her nods.

“You belong with our organization, Zack Addy.” She slips him a card reading Global Justice.

“There’s no information on this card.” He points out.

“If you want to find us, I’m sure you’ll find a way. We’ll be in touch.”

Kim returns with the first aid as the woman leaves. Zack allows her to take off his shoe and sock to work on his ankle.

“Who are you all?”

“My name’s Kim Possible. This is Global Justice. Think of us like the CIA.”

“Are you CIA?”

“No. This is going to hurt.”

Kim bandages Zack’s wound while answering what she can to an outsider. He’s aware of the blind teenager waiting for Kim out of the corner of his eye, but he doesn’t mention him.

** Tuesday, January 21st **

A stout white dog with brown spots struts into the living room where Billy is waiting for Mandy. A pool of drool falls from his mouth, and Billy is fascinated. When Mandy finally comes down the stairs pulling on her jacket, Billy jumps to attention.

“Look, Mandy! It’s a lobster! Can we keep him?”

“That’s my dog, Billy. His name’s Saliva.”

Standing there talking about her new dog, Mandy knows they’re going to be late for school. Thing is, she doesn’t care, so she lets Billy keep talking.

Meanwhile, Spongebob is walking to school. He only lives ten minutes down from the school, but he likes to take the long way. He’s very energetic, and last year’s teachers suggested he try and get it out of his system before classes begin. Spongebob’s long way means he leaves Phildale and runs around in East Oaks’ main park. Today, he runs into Arthur and Buster climbing down from their treehouse.

He’s nearly run down by Reggie, who’s trying out some new roller skating moves with the benches along the sidewalks. He passes Zak and Wheezie, but they’re too engaged in their argument to notice him. He also notices Freddie and Colin playing chess. Trying to run backward, Spongebob is nearly attacked when he unintentionally disrupts a karate practice to upbeat pop music.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” The shorter girl apologizes. “I was so into the music and my moves. I didn’t notice anyone was around.”

“That’s okay.” He laughs shortly. “I’m Spongebob!”

She giggles. “I’m Judy. Do you do karate?”

“Is that what you were just doing?”

She smiles and nods. “Yep. I’m here weekday mornings and Saturday afternoons if you want to come by sometime.” She checks her watch and turns off the music. “I need to get to class. Do you go to East Oaks or Latabæ?”

“Neither.” Spongebob shakes his head. “I go to Lakewood.”

“Isn’t that in Phildale?”

“Yep!”

“Then you better get going. Classes start in eight minutes!”

Throughout the morning at Aesop Academy, Rataxes has made his name known. ‘Better start transferring if you vote for King’; ‘Who needs to see a shrink? Anyone who votes for King’; ‘Only the bizarre will vote for Babar’ – tearing down your enemy is phase one. ‘I won’t be ignored, vote for Lorde’; ‘Give the school a reward and vote for Lorde’; ‘Get off your fat asses and vote for Rataxes’ – step two is bringing out your name in rhyme. Stage three is his favorite: persuasion.

“Please vote for Babar,” The student in question offers a button to Seth. “With your help, we can open a comics shelf in the library.”

“Cool!”

Seth accepts the button and begins to snap it on his shirt when he’s suddenly shoved onto a locker. Rataxes leans on him, the needle from the button digging into his chest.

“That idiot can’t promise comics. He doesn’t work at the school.”

“Um, okay. I can’t really breathe.”

Rataxes merely presses harder. “And you want to breathe, don’t you?”

Seth nods.

“So, who are you voting for?”

“You.” He gasps, fearing his ribs to crack.

“Good answer.” Rataxes relieves the pressure and slaps Seth on the back hard enough for the latter to stumble into the hallway.

After school, Julien is holding a fashion show at home in which he is the only model. He pulls Mort, Maurice, and his non-live-in staff in every possible direction for the right lighting, snapshots, and whatnot. He treats it like a royal emergency; like something that has a serious time limit. It takes over three hours, and Julien is finally satisfied. He sends everyone away and decides to retire to his bedroom. Maurice comes in without knocking and proceeds to undress his employer and sometimes friend.

“What were those photos for, Julien?”

“Hmm? Oh, just for the being fun, silly Momo.”

He freezes. “All that time, we were taking pictures for fun!?”

“Yes, of course.” Julien smiles, pulling on his nightgown with Maurice’s help. “Now, do be getting to bed, Momo. Big day is ahead tomorrow.”

“Big day, my ass…” Maurice mumbles under his breath as he leaves the room.

** Wednesday, January 22nd **

Clark wakes up with his pajamas sticking to his body. He is drenched in sweat, and the sunlight blasting through his window gives him a migraine. Worried that he may be hallucinating, he calls for his mom.

“Here, sweetie.” She responds moments later, tossing him a bag of peas from the freezer. “The whole town is in a heat wave. And our fan broke.”

“Gah!” He exhales, accepting the peas.

“Skippa,” the youngest of the brothers complains in a house down the road. “I need more ice.”

“I just gave you more ice ten minutes ago.” He sighs, wiping the sweat from his brow.

“Yes, but it melted.”

“Slap-happy penguins!” Julien’s voice breaks in. “Are you home?”

“Kowalski, analysis.” Skipper demands.

Kowalski looks at his laptop and checks the cameras at their house. He finally finds what he’s looking for and sighs. “He just scaled the side of the house.”

“Great. Where is he?”

“I am here with the lettuce wishes.”

Skipper raises an eyebrow at his brothers, and Kowalski shrugs. “Okay, I’ll bite. What lettuce wishes?”

“I wish to be hiring the penguins.” Julien explains, handing them a wad of cash. “Maurice is missing, and I am needing you to be finding him.”

Rico instantly snatches the cash, fanning himself with it. Kowalski keeps his arms crossed, and Private nudges Skipper.

“Okay, fine. We’re hired.”

Julien nods. “Maurice is the most importantest to be finded. Thank you, flappy birds.”

He turns and walks out the front door, where Mort had been leaning against. Julien and Mort ride in a town car, passing crowded school buses and exhausted teenagers walking and biking to school. The brothers continue to perform at lunch, despite the heat. They have a website up. Students crowd in bathrooms, nurse’s offices, libraries, and locker rooms in all the schools. Babar says he can change the temperature in the drinking fountains if he’s elected president. Rataxes, on the other hand, has a different technique.

Using his guaranteed voters Rataxes takes to the hallways. Hilary wears skimpy clothes, and Seth carries around miniature bottles of water with Rataxes’ face on them for sale. Rataxes keeps using his strength. Rataxes confronts Clay and Blaine walking out of English class together. With a hand at each of their chests, he’s able to shove them harshly against the lockers and keep them there.

“You queens are going to vote for me as your president, understand?” Clay winces, and Blaine’s eyes turn downcast. With no verbal answer, Rataxes lets go and punches them hard. “You got it?”

Clay nods, falling to the ground. Blaine attempts to stand his ground, but Rataxes towers over him, and he nods. Blaine’s hobbit hair sticks to his head and he feels like he’s going to pass out. Hester walks over with a smart red mark growing on her cheek. By the end of the day, Doogie and Spud are sporting matching black eyes. Carlton, Bozer, and Lance have been beaten into their lockers. Riley has been hacked; Norm and Martin are hanging by their underwear in the stairwell, and plenty others are either bruised or have bruised egos.

** Thursday, January 23rd **

When Babar walks into the school in the morning, he knows he’s lost the candidacy. His posters are torn down and trashed. The students barely look at him, and many are injured. Art and Celeste leave him, the former muttering something about transferring schools. He notices Zephir by their lockers, and Babar walks over.

“Hey, Zeph.”

Babar’s best friend, someone he considers family, blatantly ignores him. He pulls his Kangal cap over his face, hiding a mark above his eye. Babar sighs, noticing the slurs and insults painted on his locker. He’s alone. Babar only wanted to fix the school for his people, but now he must fall for them. He maneuvers his way to the main office and steps up to the secretary.

“Who do you need to see, Darling?”

“Ms. Ostrovsky for Student Council President.”

“Do you have a complaint?”

He shakes his head heavily. “I’d like to withdraw.”

During recess at Meadow Bay Grammar School, Cassie is on a mission. Lulu is easy to find; the girl is working on her pull-ups.

“Hey! I got something for you!”

“Yeah?” She smiles, dangling but not willing to let go yet. “Something that’ll stop the heat wave?”

“Maybe.”

Cassie hands her an invitation. Seeing the sprinklers on the front cause the other girl to drop. Sweat clings to her and she nods excitedly, already figuring out what to tell her moms. Noticing Zach sneaking off to the fencerow, Cassie chases him.

“Zach!” She stage whispers.

“Geez, Cass. What?”

“I need you to take these invites,” She hands him a bag.

“What is this, like twenty?”

“Thirty. Take one for yourself and pass them out on the other playground.”

“You’ll cover?”

She nods. “No problem.”

Cass keeps an eye out for teachers while Zach sneaks off to East Oaks Elementary. He likes to sneak off to see his best friend Matt. Cassie has suspicions that Zach likes Matt more than he says, but she never implies anything. Once Zach is gone, she moves on. She makes sure all the Wolf boys have an invitation; she gives five to Private.

“The’e is only four of us, Cassie. But thank you.”

“Yeah, but Julien is always around, so there’s an extra for him.”

“That is very nice of you.”

“Thank you,” Cassie smiles shyly and waves.

The Lisbon boys get four invites, plus one for Backpack, Dora, Jack, Boots, Chuckie, Izzi, Joss, Pearl, Map, Cleo, Emily Elizabeth, Shep, and the Neal brothers.

Zach arrives at EOE when his recess is bound to be over, but Matt’s is just starting. He catches Jimmy Gibbler’s attention, and the latter helps him inside the enclosed playground. Zach acts like he belongs there, falling into conversation with Stephanie and Toby about the _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_. He faux flirts with Tickety Tock and watches Phineas and Ferb blueprint their way into a new game. He passes out invitations as he walks around, finally spotting his target.

He tosses out more invitations without looking at the people he’s giving them to. He keeps two invites and walks up to Matt, who’s sitting by the monkey bars ladder with his back to him. Zach sneaks up and places his hands over his eyes.

“Guess who?”

“Ariana Grande?”

Zach frowns. “You think I’m a singing YouTuber girl who probably doesn’t exist in real life?”

Matt nods. “You’re right. Emica?”

Zach moves his hands to Matt’s sides and tickles him shortly. Matt struggles and then laughs, turning around to face his best friend.

“I thought you were going to stop this.”

“Do you want me to?”

“No,” Matt hesitates. “It’s just that I’m eleven, and you’re thirteen. You’re moving to high school next year, and I’ll still be in grade school. You’re going to forget about me.”

“Impossible.” Zach shakes his head, deliberately ignoring the homophobic slurs around them as he pulls Matt into a hug from behind. “You’re my best friend. Always will be.”

Later, when school lets out, Alvin is on the baseball team and needs to practice. Theo is in art club, and Simon has a robotics club meeting.

“… and that concludes today’s meeting.” Club president Digit ends his presentation. “See you all next month. The date will be posted on the website.”

With nowhere else to go – as Art Club ends in fifty minutes, and baseball practice doesn’t get out until later – Simon grabs his bicycle from the rack and heads home. On the way, he sees a familiar parked Camry and pedals over to talk to his uncle.

“Are you kidding me? We’re going to be rolling in cash, Breech.” The voice is different than Simon was expecting.

“It’s three kids, Jane. They may not be carnies, but they’re not idiots. What the hell accent are you supposed to have anyway?”

Simon silently gasps and whips out his phone. He presses record and tries to catch the men.

“Some ancient German town.” Jane speaks in the broken accent. “I speak well enough English and talk about the kids’ mother vague enough that they want more.”

“Does she exist?”

Alex shrugs then speaks in his normal voice again. “Who knows? Who cares? We’ll be able to _buy LuthorCorp_ from Lionel when this shit is over.”

“How? They get enough for four tickets to the nonexistent German town, and then what?”

“Fake papers, fake news. Mom’s been moved with the village. More cash, more lies. They’re _foster kids_ , Maggie. I’ve already turned them against their foster dad. The rest is easy enough.”

Simon’s phone buzzes; the boy ends the recording and ducks quickly. He answers his phone and tries to control his breathing.

“Hey, Simon,” Ryan’s tired voice rings out. “You want to come over?”

“Sounds good,” He whispers. “Can you send a car to the park?”

“Are you in trouble?”

“Maybe.” Simon admits. “A car?”

“You got it.”

Meanwhile, Rico and Kowalski have found Maurice living in a hollowed-out VW bug in the far reaches of Vile Valley. They call Skipper, but Maurice has no intentions of leaving.

“Whassa matta?” A Bronx accent calls out, landing on the hood of an old Chevy truck. “Don’t like our digs?”

The teenager grins with a fang poking out from his upper lip. Another teen slithers next to him; three other younger teenagers strut toward them.

“This place belongs to us,” The kid with a hook for a hand takes lead.

“Who are you?” Kowalski demands.

“We’s got a couple names.” The first one sits on the hood. “Gangrene Gang’s one I remember. Ain’t what we call ourselves, though.”

“What do you call yourselves?” He asks, confidence wavering.

The only girl of the group places a hand on the hook teen’s shoulder. “Savages.”

“They don’t look like Ssssavages, Bosss.” The other teen on the truck hisses.

“Nah, they’s army brats.” He walks toward them. “Tell you what. You’s gonna leave in de next five minutes, or we’s gonna have issues.”

“Sounds fair.” Kowalski nods, grabbing Maurice’s left arm. “Rico?”

Rico shrugs, grabbing Maurice’s other arm. The three boys start running, and the Savages watch with cruel grins on their faces. The leader of the gang shrugs it off and sits in the bug, grabbing a pack of cigarettes from the lining. He lights five sticks from the sole of his boot, passing them around. The members of the gang are homeless, each having an abusive household, and some with parents in prison.

** Friday, January 24th **

“Rataxes.” Babar confronts his rival at the front of the school before classes.

“Finally showing your face, little mouse?” He sneers down at the teenager who is a good foot shorter than him.

“You know how to make a first impression. Do you know how to be a president?”

Rataxes crosses his arms. “You’re going to give me a sob story on how bullying and slavery will get me nowhere? Can it, kid.”

Babar looks affronted. “Let’s start over, okay? I withdrew from the race. You’re goin”

He’s interrupted as Rataxes suddenly punches him in the gut and kicks him to the ground.

“That’s not winning. That’s forfeit.” He leers over him. “Get your ass back in that race so I can beat you.”

By lunchtime, Babar is back in the race. At Latabæ High, TJ has gathered his closest friends – Cindy, Molly, Tony, and Mailbox – for a cafeteria-themed scheme. They believe the school staff keeps the good food in the back of the kitchen for themselves after school hours.

“Okay, is everyone set?” He speaks into the walkie-talkie function on his phone. “Tony.”

“We’re on the lookout, Teej.” Tony nods.

“Mailbox?”

The purple-dyed teen hands TJ a makeshift tool. “It’ll function as a screwdriver on one end and a lockpick on the other. You can break into the back and unscrew the second vent on the right. The food will go to the locker room chute given the kickback from the backup generator.”

“Good going. Cindy?”

“Armed and ready at the power switch.”

“Roger. And Molls?”

“I’ve got a cart on standby, and the clothes bin is out of the way. Go for it, TJ.”

“Affirmative.”

Tony nods to Mailbox, and Mailbox gives TJ a thumbs-up; the leader of the group begins to pick the lock. As TJ works the lock, Tony is distracted by Brittany Ann. He leaves his position when she starts talking to him. TJ makes it to the backroom, and Mailbox abandons his post to find Tony.

“Guys?” Cindy whisper-calls. “Check in.”

“I’m at the chute.”

“I’m searching for the food.”

“I’m looking for Tony.”

“Where’s Tony?” TJ demands. “Wait, where are you?”

When Mailbox doesn’t answer, TJ fears the worst. “Signing off.”

**|From: Red Cap**

 **|** _Turn to texting. I think MB got busted._

**|From: A+ Girl**

**|** _I’m hitting the switch_

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _No wait_

The text is sent just seconds too late. The lights go out across the school. TJ has found some of the better foods. Real cheeseburgers and pints of ice cream rather than fruity pushup popsicles. He pries open the correct vent and shoves some pints inside before the generator kicks on.

**|From: Tough Customer**

**|** _Where’s the backup?_

Seconds later, the generator kicks in. TJ is unable to add more food, however, because he’s just been caught red-handed.

“What the devil do you think you’re doing?”

TJ turns around and is face-to-face with Ms. Finster. Her arms are crossed disapprovingly, and TJ knows he’s done.

“In-School Suspension. All next week.”

After school, Simon, Alvin, and Theo are at Ryan’s house, scheming in his bedroom. They’ve watched the proof and listened to Simon. The boys are dejected, Theo more than the other two.

“But why did he lie about knowing our mama?”

“It’s all part of the plan,” Alvin sighs. “It sold his story.”

“Do you know which cops we can trust?” Simon asks earnestly.

“None of them.” Ryan shrugs. “But there’s this group called Global Justice. I’m not supposed to know about it, but Val knows the ins and outs of everything.”

“Who?” Theo asks.

“Val. He goes to Frasier DiMaggio. I can take this stuff to him, and he can get it to Global Justice.”

“They’ll arrest Malcolm Jane?” Alvin raises an eyebrow.

“Worst case, they’ll send someone to arrest him. Best case, he’s good as dead.”

Alvin, Simon, and Theodore choose not to worry over Ryan’s words. They nod in agreement.

At five o’clock, people start coming over to the Chantal house for the sprinkler party. While that’s what it’s called, there are only five or six sprinklers. There’s also an inground pool that used to just be a four-foot deep pond; ice cream coolers, and Sophia styling haircuts and handing out cool bandanas. Zach shows up with Matt; Missy shows up with her best friends Trixie and Ella. Cassie sighs, remembering when she and Missy were best friends. DW brings her Crazy Bus CD, and the party is a hit.

By eight-thirty, Strawberry and Katara are about to go through airport security and head to New York City for an amateur baking contest. the winner will receive a cookbook. Sally, Kuki, and Buster have come along to see them off. Sokka has already said his goodbyes.

“One of you are bound to win,” Buster assures them. “You make awesome recipes.”

“I’m gonna miss you.” Sally walks up, enveloping them in a big hug.

“Sally! You guys!” Strawberry laughs as the others join in. “It’s only going to be a little over a week. We'll be back the Monday after."

A motorcycle revs in the parking lot, and Kuki smiles. So does Strawberry.

“Go with your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my”

“Not yet.” Strawberry quickly corrects her. “Maybe you’ll be together by the time we get back.”

“Text us. Call us when you win the cookbook.”

Kuki waves and runs over to Wally. Sally watches her, noticing Charlie also waiting. She gives Strawberry and Katara another hug.

“Our ride’s here, and you need to catch your flight. I love you.”

** Saturday, January 25th **

The baking contest officials have rented out a hotel for its contestants. Strawberry relaxes beside the indoor pool, bare feet testing the water.

“Is it warm?”

Strawberry jumps despite herself.

“Sorry.” The nasal voice apologizes. “I’m Digit.”

“Strawberry. Everything’s fine.”

Digit smiles. “Have you met any of the other contestants?”

She shrugs. “Just my roommate. Her name’s Piper.”

“Piper Halliwell?” She nods. “I think she’s made some desserts for minor celebrities.”

“Really?” She winces. “What about you? Or your roommate?”

Digit takes a seat. “I’ve made meals for my grandparents. And my roommate is Lex Luthor.”

She raises an eyebrow. “The same Lex Luthor who stole all those cakes from Aesop Academy’s bake sale five years ago?”

“Six. And the very same.”

“Wow. Have you met anyone else?”

“Sure.” Digit nods. “Let’s see, there’s this guy Gene. He plays his own theme music on a keyboard he carries around. And there’s these two girls I ran into at the café. AJ lives on an apple farm, and her friend is really excited to be here. I don’t remember her name, but she has pink hair. Uh, there’s a woman named Kitty I found drinking a martini in the billiards room. And another girl was playing pool. The guy called her Maya, and his name… Art.”

Strawberry looks at him in awe. “You’ve been very busy, haven’t you?”

“Need to know my competition. And make friends, of course.”

“Of course.”

In Chino, Mandy and Billy have taken it upon themselves to give their reaper friend a makeover. After an intensive spa treatment and expensively recreated makeup foundation, he looks like a fleshy, alive human.

“Wow. Now you’re a whole new Grim!” Billy exclaims happily.

“Tha’s not me name!” He groans.

“Then what _is_ your name?” Mandy finally asks.

He shrugs. “Torva. I’m used to folks callin’ me Death. Grim is a new one.”

Mandy blinks. “Torva is Latin for ‘the grim’.”

“Perhaps in today’s translation. When I was a boy, it meant ‘dreadful’.”

“You didn’t get along with your parents, did you?”

“Loved me mother,” He defends her. “Papa, not so much.” He glances in the mirror. “T’anks for de makeover.”

He grabs his scythe and, in a flash, is gone. Meanwhile, Global Justice calls for Minelli’s team. He alerts Teresa, Kimball, Wesley, and Izzi; leaving Patrick out of the know. It’s a possible Red John case. Teresa and Kimball are sent to the family home where one victim lived and the other was paying a doctoral house call. Patrick shows up in a taxi.

“How did you even…” Teresa sighs. “Cho called you, didn’t he?”

Kimball shrugs, and Patrick nods. “Yes, he did. Because it’s Red John. Sweltering January heat or not, I’m going to”

“You’re suspended. Go home.”

Patrick frowns and pulls out his cell phone as Teresa and Kimball go inside. One phone call to Minelli later, and Patrick is on the case. He follows them into the bedroom. A trademark Red John smiley face was drawn on the wall in her blood. Patrick takes one look around the room and says that the murderer is not Red John, because the smiley face is drawn on the wrong wall – as Red John always draws it where it's the first thing you see as you come into the room.

“You don’t need me here.”

A few hours later, the team tries to figure the differences between Red John and their copycat. After some nudging from Kimball and Wesley, Teresa swallows her pride and calls Patrick.

“… yes, I’m asking you to come back.”

“I didn’t hear a ‘please’ in that sentence.”

“I’m not saying ‘please’. You’re a menace.”

“Say you love me. Say you miss me.”

The grin is evident in his voice, but Teresa isn’t so easily swayed. “No. you know what, just stay home. Screw you.”

She hangs up, but she still hears his voice.

“Well, it’s too late for me to go home. As for the other”

“Shut up. Cho and Wesley are going to interview the husband. C’mon, we’re going to the doctor’s office.”

“Oh, my two least favorite words.” He complains, following her.

Throughout the interview with the doctor’s partner at the clinic, Patrick stays silent yet wanders around the office. He snaps to attention when Teresa thanks the partner and calls for him. Patrick jogs up and speaks with a low voice.

“Is there a chance you could prescribe me some sleeping pills?”

The doctor nods sideways. “You’d have to make an appointment so I could”

“Could we skip all that and get straight to the pills?”

“I’m sorry,” He shakes his head.

Teresa cuts off their quiet conversation by grabbing Patrick’s arm and dragging him away. The team goes out for dinner on Minelli’s card; he’s also placed them in hotel rooms, adjoining for the genders. Patrick remains silent at dinner, playing with a straw, and ignoring Izzi’s questions on psychics.

“I believe in psychics and the afterlife.” The young girl adamantly expresses her opinions. “You should too, Patrick.”

He stares back for a moment. “I believe that Wesley intends to invite you to his hotel room when we get up. Maybe you should.”

Wesley is sufficiently embarrassed, and Izzi is stricken silent. Teresa suddenly stands, announcing that she’s going to bed. The others slowly agree. Wesley and Izzi are in the elevator, but Wesley doesn’t ask anything, and they go to their separate floors.

At eleven at night, Patrick is wide awake. There’s a diary sitting on the bed beside him, and a few pens and pencils. He’s watching a nature documentary on the life of a cheetah when a note is slipped under his hotel room door. He doesn’t think much of it, muting the television and getting up.

_Greetings, old friend, it's been a while. I hope you are keeping well. I am thriving and happy. I have 12 wives now and will soon begin courting number 13. Why can't you catch me? You must feel so powerless and stupid and sad. Oh well. All the best. Red John_

Tears form in Patrick’s eyes. He drops the note and barrels out the door. He races down the fire escape and searches for someone; anyone. He’s out of breath when he returns to his room. He rips off his shirt and struggles to control his breathing. After grabbing a water to soothe the ache in his throat, he realizes there’s nothing he can do until the morning. The room feels compromised, so he opens the conjoining door and walks into the next room.

“Hey,” He speaks quietly, nudging the lump on the bed.

“Hmm?” The lump sits up, grunting in response.

“It’s just me. It’s Jane.”

“Wha? Jane, what are you doing?”

“Can I sleep in here?”

He rubs his eyes to wake himself up. “You want to switch beds?”

Patrick bites his lip. “Uh, no. I need to sleep next to someone tonight. This case has”

“Okay.”

He scoots over, lifting the cover. Patrick smiles and climbs into the bed. Within minutes, the boys are comfortable.

“Night, Jane.”

“Goodnight, Kimball.”


	4. Dwindling Contestants, ISS, and Platonic Bed Sharing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ISS at Latabæ High is not what it seems. There's a lot of challenges in NYC, and a lot of eliminations. Oh, and does Phil have a boyfriend?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One: I thought we'd finish this chapter back in March. It didn't happen.
> 
> Two: 26,751. That's how many words were in this story BEFORE this chapter...

** Sunday, January 26th **

Patrick wakes up when his pillow nearly falls off the bed. His arms wrap around, nails digging in, unaware of the ringing phone or the yelp of pain.

“Jane! Wake up!”

The blonde opens his eyes, scanning the room. Looking down, he sees how he’s gripping Cho’s waist, and he lets go – sending both into a heap on the floor. The door opens, and Wesley blearily walks in. He’s wearing _TMNT_ boxers and stops short.

“Dude, you embarrassed me with Izzi when you’re hooking up with Cho?”

Cho groans, sitting up. “We just slept in the same bed.”

“I got a letter,” Patrick nods.

“A letter?” Cho and Wesley ask, confused.

Patrick leads them into his room and shows them the note from yesterday. He notices Cho’s eyebrows scrunching up as he reads, and Patrick interjects.

“Red John would never risk capture just to taunt me. He killed my sisters and other women. This isn’t him.”

“Then why’d you go” Wesley begins.

Patrick cuts him off, staring at his shoes. “Because I didn’t feel safe here anymore.”

The boys go downstairs, where Teresa announces she made an appointment for Patrick and the doctor’s partner last night.

Ryan finds Val sneaking behind the bar at Lux. The blonde hunkers down as well.

“Masseto Toscana hits the spot.”

Val involuntarily flinches at the voice, as well as the hand that grabs said bottle. When he sees who it is, however, he lets a small smile appear.

“Hey, Ry.”

“Hey, babe.”

Ryan leans in for a quick kiss, and Val chases him when he pulls away.

“Bathroom?”

Ryan nods, and Val leads the way. Neither boy registers the bottle in Ryan’s hand until it fumbles into the sink when they scramble into the bathroom. They barely make it into a stall before their shirts are off and pants are pushed to the ground. Val flushes his tongue down Ryan’s throat, and the blonde hums around it. He wraps a hand around Val’s stiff cock, already leaking in anticipation.

Meanwhile, in the park, Edd, Rikki, and Joey have begun a new business idea. Edd creates the ‘perfect formula’ for Rikki’s craftily named En-O-Gee Drinks. Joey’s job is to attract customers. When Edd isn’t looking, Rikki adds a ridiculous amount of sugar to the supply. Joey runs off to find customers, and Edd tries a taste. Almost immediately, the sugar takes its effect, and Edd is extremely hyper.

Joey brings over Kevin (who had been working on his bike) and Cassie (who had been bringing the trash to the curb).

“Yeah, right. I don’t know what you dorks are doing here, but no heat wave is gonna make me buy drinks from you.”

Kevin walks away, but Cassie shills out fifty cents for a cup. She takes one sip and her eyes widen at the taste. Very wired, she drops the rest at the stand and takes off running. She passes Private, who is feeling uncharacteristically down on himself. He ambles into an alley where someone else picks up on his vulnerability. Instead of helping him, the purple-haired girl whips out a switchblade. The unlucky thirteen-year-old trips on a wire set by the street kids, considering the alley leads into a shortcut to Chino.

Private’s ankle is caught in rope when he tries to make a run for it, calling out to his eldest brother. He falls forward, his head hitting the side of the dumpster and his shoulder making contact with the asphalt before the trap causes him to dangle off the side of a fire escape. The street kid watching this unfold, Mal, walks into the open. _Should I mug him? Kid doesn’t look like he carries much cash. Maybe I could kidnap him. I bet whoever Skipper is would pay a pretty penny._

Settled, Mal walks up to him and climbs onto the closed side of the dumpster. “Hey, Kid. What’s your name?”

“Private. Have you come to rescue me?”

Mal doesn’t answer. Instead, she grabs the ladder, pulling it down enough to climb the fire escape. She sees three more teenagers running this way, and they don’t look like street kids. She reaches the top loop of the trap.

“Hey, Kid!” She shouts down. “I’m going to cut the rope. You need to start swingin’ so you don’t break your neck!”

Private looks very worried, but a surprised shout has him swinging by turning around.”

“Private! Why did you wander off?”

“I needed time alone, Skippa.”

“You swingin’, Kid?”

“Who is that?” Kowalski asks, giving Private room.

The youngest starts to swing. “I got caught in a trap, and she’s rescuing me.”

Mal loosens the trap and glides down the railing. Private begins to fall, but Mal grabs the rope to maintain both their balances. She holds onto the rope until she gets to the dumpster, and she swings him to where she is by holding tight and jumping off. He hits his back hard, but he’s alive. She uses the switchblade to cut the rope from his ankle and helps him to a sitting position.

“Private, you’re okay!” Kowalski exclaims, pulling out a First Aid kit from a backpack.

Skipper turns to the girl. “Thank you for saving my brother. What is your name?”

“Uh, Mal.”

“My name’s Skipper. That’s Kowalski and Rico. And, of course, Private. Do you have somewhere he can stay for a while? Rico and I need to go get the car.”

Mal blinks. _Well, this isn’t turning out like I thought it was_. “Sure. There’s a hole my crew and I squat at.”

Mal leads the boys through the seedy part of Chino. She takes needed shortcuts and nearly makes it to her hideout when they run into a gang known as the Knights. The boys also flinch, as many members of the gang go to their school.

“Shit.”

“Looks like you’re out of luck, Little Fledgling.” The leader, Draco advances on the group with a sinister glimmer in his eyes.

His right-hand man, Ryan, walks up at his side. There’s no trace of humor in his eyes as he drags a metallic baseball bat behind him. Emma, Vanessa, and Aldo make up the next rung. They’re ready to fight. The others – Toby, Strut, and Boone – simply glare.

“Looks like you’re down a member.” Mal smirks. “Losing authority already?”

“Valentine’s in Lava Springs getting supplies. Looks like you traded up.”

“New members. There’s eight of us now.”

Draco scoffs, cutting the side of her face with his blade. “Fuck off, Mal. You mommy can’t save you now.”

He whistles to his gang, and they follow him. Ryan raises his bat at Kowalski, and he flinches. Skipper sighs, and Mal takes them to her hideout. Almost immediately, Jay jumps down from the rafters, and Carlos runs over to help the injured party.

“What happened?”

“Alley trap,” She shrugs. Seeing Evie eying her cut, she rolls her eyes. “Malfoy.”

The other three instantly grimace at the name. Evie patches up Mal’s wound while Carlos works on healing Private’s ankle. Skipper and Rico quietly leave to get the car.

In New York City, the baking contest begins. World famous baker Paul Hollywood leads the forty amateur contestants to a large room with ten stations.

“You have all had time to meet your competition. Now comes the first challenge. You will be working with your roommate to create a cake. Nothing to simple and nothing to fancy. The trick is you will be racing against another set of roommates. When one pair finishes, the other side must raise their hands into the air.”

“Art and Oswald will work against El and Anastasia.”

A fourteen-year-old freshman wearing a white Polo shirt and red pants happily walks to the front right station. Following him is a skinny nineteen-year-old college sophomore with black hair messily plastered on his head. He walks with a limp, using an umbrella in place of a cane. He smiles not unkindly to his partner. A twenty-one-year-old woman with long brunette hair is wearing a navy-blue dress cut just below her legs. She struts to Art’s opposite. A redheaded woman with a big bust and butt walks over with her heels clicking. She’s already wearing yellow rubber gloves when she stands beside her partner.

“Kitty and Cleo will work against Gene and Gopher.”

Two women – one, a redhead in bright, pastel colors; the other, a brunette in brown, homey colors – cordially walk to the front left station. A thirteen-year-old eighth grader walks up wearing his keyboard around his neck. He has tanned skin and stands opposite of Kitty. A twelve-year-old seventh grader brunette steps forward, wearing a Navy uniform.

“AJ and Pinkie will work against Alfalfa and Newt.”

A blonde thirteen-year-old eighth grader walks out wearing an apple tee, denim skirt, and cowgirl boots. A girl the same age with hot pink hair walks with her, wearing a white tank top, layered pink tutu, white tights, and bubblegum pink hi-tops. The girls giggle and take the station behind Art and Oswald. A fifteen-year-old sophomore brunette has slicked back hair, but one strand sticks straight up. He wears a wrinkled blue shirt and jeans and takes the spot in front of AJ. A blonde nine-year-old fourth grader wearing a blue _Warrior Angel_ t-shirt, his mom’s dog tags, and jeans. He jogs up beside his roommate.

“Mitch and Andy will work against Maya and Marinette.”

The nineteen-year-old redhead in the preppy clothes walks out like a model, silently joking with the fifteen-year-old sophomore in the skintight black shirt, pigeon jacket, and jeans. They take a spot behind the women. A seventeen-year-old senior wears her hair in a bun. She has on low-cut red shirt and tan slacks. Her twelve-year-old seventh grader roommate is half French and half Chinese. She’s wearing a dark gray blazer, white shirt with a flower design, and black pants.

“James and Hamilton will work against Cam and Julian.”

A sixteen-year-old sophomore with periwinkle hair steps up in dark blue buttoned-up blazer and matching slacks. His roommate is a twelve-year-old eighth grader, wearing a white sweater with ‘H’ emblem and blue sweatpants. James leads the way behind AJ and Pinkie. An eighteen-year-old brunette wearing a light red dress shirt and black slacks stands off to the side. His roommate is wearing a skintight black shirt beneath a leather jacket and sleek black pants. They join James and Hamilton.

“Katara and Funshine will work against Hobbes and Gil.”

The black fourteen-year-old freshman ties her brunette hair into a ponytail. She’s wearing a cerulean, white trimmed dress and her prized necklace. Her roommate is a blonde twelve-year-old seventh grader wearing a white t-shirt with a sun design and matching yellow pants. She has a wide grin on her face as she pulls Katara to the station beside James and Hamilton. The sixteen-year-old junior has wild black hair with streaks of orange. He wears a white top and pants that match his hair using dried spray paint. His roommate is thirteen. He’s wearing an old bandana on his head, a stained red vest and yellow work gloves, and worn-out jeans.

“Digit and Lex will work against Rita and Jo.”

The fourteen-year-old freshman hides his spiky indigo hair beneath a red cap turned backward. He’s wearing a red t-shirt, purple pants, and yellow-red sneakers. His bald twenty-year-old roommate wears silk lavender dress shirt and black slacks. They determinedly take the next spot on the right. A thirteen-year-old redheaded eighth grader wears a light aqua-blue knit shirt with yellow lines and a brown belt keeping up her London pants. Her roommate is a black, British fourteen-year-old freshman. She wears a long-sleeved yellow shirt beneath a maroon vest and jeans.

“Cat and Rick will work against Emma and Lily.”

A thirteen-year-old seventh grader with marigold hair and a twenty-one-year-old brunette are roommates. The former wears a brown blazer with a yellow shirt beneath and black slacks; the latter wears a bright blue button-up beneath navy-blue blazer and matching slacks. They sit across from the others, one row in front of the back. Two brunette thirteen-year-old eighth graders are roommates. The former wears a black and white Catholic school uniform with some bedazzling done on the blazer. The latter is wearing a white cocktail dress and a black longcoat.

“Richie and Gordon will work against Fletcher and Merlin.”

The fourteen-year-old freshman redhead wears a blue and white checkered shirt, navy jacket and blue jeans; his redheaded twelve-year-old seventh grader roommate has a streak of white in his hair. He’s a mixed race and wears a white top and jeans. Brunette twelve-year-olds are roommates – one being a freshman who wears an orange long-sleeved shirt under a blue plaid vest and jeans; the other being a seventh grader who wears a burnt sienna jacket over a crimson shirt, old jeans, and a red neckerchief. They take the back-right station.

“Strawberry and Piper will work against Squidward and Tobey.”

The redheaded fourteen-year-old freshman pulls on her peppermint striped sleeves. She’s also wearing a strawberry emblem on the front pocket of her jeans. Her sixteen-year-old junior teammate is a brunette, wearing black conservative cardigan and sweatpants. The bald sixteen-year-old junior wearing a brown Polo shirt and turquoise pants frowns as he doesn’t wait for his roommate before taking the last station in the room. The final contestant is a twelve-year-old blonde homeschooled freshman boy. He’s wearing a blue shirt with an orange vest over it, a red bowtie, brown pants held up with a darker brown belt, white knee socks, and brown shoes.

“Simple rules.” The head chef continues as Tobey takes his spot. “Use the ingredients at your disposal. Don’t touch your competition’s side. The pair with the worst cake will be eliminated. You may begin.”

“Rum cake,” Kitty announces. “We’re going to make rum cake.”

“I don’t drink much,” Cleo complains. “How about a white fudge cake with rum icing.”

“Switch. A rum cake with white fudge frosting. I’ll find the rum.”

“Rainbow cake?” Cam asks Julian.

The latter nods. “And it’ll taste like butter pecan. I’ll gather the colors.”

“How do you feel about a red velvet cake?” Art asks, gathering the needed supplies.

“Extra red,” Oswald nods. “For the blood of our enemies.”

Art decides not to ask.

Ryan and Val step out of the stall with afterglow on their faces. Ryan leads Val to the sink so they can enjoy some after-sex Merlot.

“So…” _Stole some wine, sex in a bathroom. Five times._ “What was this payment for?”

Ryan pecks him on the lips and pulls out a flash drive. “Some crooked thugs need to go down.”

“How far?”

“Six feet would be nice.”

Val grins maliciously, taking the drive. “What’d they do?”

“Said they were relatives to some friends of mine. Orphans. Said if they raised enough money, they’d take ‘em to see their mom. In Germany.”

“Cold, hard scheming.” Val scowls. “I’ll take it to GJ. These fuckers are going down faster than my self-respect when I walk into a Wal-Mart."

“Knew I could count on you.”

At four in the afternoon, Patrick goes to his appointment. He makes up a lot so the doctor will give him sleeping pills. As the hour is up, the doctor writes a prescription.

“I know everything that you’ve just gone over was completely fiction. I’m writing this for you because I can tell that you honestly need it, but,” He sighs. “Why don’t you tell the truth when you’re clearly in real pain?”

Patrick accepts the paper. “The truth is mine."

Cho shows up to take the blonde to the pharmacy and then back to the hotel. As Patrick walks out, he turns back to the doctor. “Have you seen your partner’s diary?”

“Diary?” He raises an eyebrow.

Patrick nods. “Yes. Someone said he kept a diary.” When the doctor only stares back, the blonde teen brushes him off. “Meh. Cops’ll come and search for it tomorrow. Thank you for the pills.”

Patrick hugs the man, discreetly grabbing the building key, and leaves. Just before heading out the main exit, Patrick motions to Cho, who hangs back. Wagner goes to his partner’s office and starts to search it. Patrick sneaks back and shows up in the doorway.

“Hey, Dr. Wagner. I think I left my phone in your off… ice. You okay?”

“How did you get back here?”

“The door was unlocked.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

Patrick grins. “You looking for the diary?”

Wagner smiles self-consciously. “Guess I thought I wanted to be a Global Justice kid.”

“Well, how about we search together? We just won’t tell anyone.” Patrick walks into the room. “If I wanted to hide my diary in a public place, I’d look up high and down low…”

He walks over to the bookcase and reaches. He can’t reach the top, so he pulls out a chair and looks at the top. Not seeing it, he drops to his stomach and reaches beneath. He smiles up to the doctor and reaches farther. When he sits back up, he pulls out a diary. His diary. When he stands, Wagner is gaping at him.

“Cool. Thanks for your help. I’ll get it to GJ.”

Patrick walks out of the room, catching Cho’s eye, before Wagner calls him back.

“Young man, your phone?”

Patrick smiles and follows him. When he searches for his phone on the couch and collects it from his sleeve, he turns back, but the doctor has pulled a gun on him. Patrick pockets the phone and holds his hands up.

“Give me the diary. Now.”

Patrick tosses it to him and grabs a cup on pencils from his desk. As the doctor reads on, the blonde backs up. Wagner’s facial features twist up in anger.

“You wrote this.”

Patrick nods, and Wagner raises the gun to him again.

“Oh, please.” Patrick scoffs. “Don’t you think I already took the bullets out?”

Patrick takes another step back, patting his front right pocket. Wagner looks down at the gun, and Patrick tosses the pencils at him. He quickly ducks and runs out the door as Wagner shoots at him anyway. Realizing the gun still has its bullets, Wagner chases after the teenager. Patrick, meanwhile, dives behind Cho. The latter has grouped some nearby teenagers from Global Justice – Kim, Art, and Derek – to help take down the man.

In New York, Maya and Marinette are the first to complete their cake. The girls work hard together to form the Eiffel Tower out of red velvet cake. Their table competition, Mitch and Andy, were also working on red velvet – although they dyed in green for a jungle setting. The cake is finished, but not the brownie monkey decorations. Strawberry and Piper decided to take turns on their strawberry-blueberry-lemon donut cake, and they finish second. Squidward and Tobey have made their blue raspberry robot cake, but Tobey is unable to add functions to said cake.

Katara and Funshine have painstakingly crafted a pink velvet flamingo, but Hobbes and Gil’s chocolate chip cookie cake is already crumbling. Fletcher and Merlin, Richie and Gordon go head to head. When everyone is focused on their own tasks, Merlin’s eyes flash gold. He recites a simple incantation, and their red velvet lipstick cake is ready. The others’ Hawaiian scene pineapple upside-down cake is not yet stacked. Despite Anastasia’s germaphobic OCD tendencies, she and El finish their Hundred Acre Wood honey cake.

“I knew there should have… been… less…” Art trails off when he notices Oswald inching toward a carving knife.

Their red velvet cake (in a pool of the blood of their enemies) _had_ to have more ‘blood’. Cat and Rick are the sixth to finish. Their cake is a giant ice cream cake, but Emma and Lily’s candied jewel crown is slightly collapsing. The seventh team to finish is Kitty and Cleo, with their rum cake and white fudge frosting. Gene and Gopher ate a lot of their chocolate instead of adding it to their layered chocolate keyboard cake.

Eighth to finish are AJ and Pinkie. The girls make an apple pie cake in the shape of an apple; Alfalfa and Newt’s maple Belgian waffle cake has a few more touches left to be made. Next in line are Digit and Lex. They have a layered chocolate train. Rita and Jo’s fudgy alligator cake doesn’t quite resemble the reptile in question. Lastly, James and Hamilton complete their rampaging dinosaur key lime cake. Cam and Julian took too long trying to formulate the perfect rainbow cake, that they were unable to make the butter pecan frosting.

The losing dishes at each station are brought to the taste testing judges: Duff Goldman, Buddy Valastro, and (the host) Paul Hollywood. After this round, it comes down to Emma and Lily or Rita and Jo. Unfortunately, the alligator bites the dust. Rita and Jo are sent home.

“Everyone remaining, enjoy tonight. Bright and early tomorrow morning, we will begin a series of challenges. And five more pairs will be gone. Good night.”

Skipper and Rico return to the compound. They’re armed this time, and Rico guards the car while Skipper goes inside. It looks almost domestic. Evie and Carlos run the water over a table of dishes that must’ve contained their supper. Jay and Kowalski play some music while Mal and Private dance. Skipper almost hates clearing his throat.

“C’mon, boys. It’s late.”

“Thank you for your hospitality.” Private genuinely smiles at the quartet.

Mal lets go, and Private subtly limps. Kowalski is at his side in an instant, and Skipper also helps his youngest brother out the door and to the car. Rico turns on the radio, and a Halsey song comes on. The boys ride back to their base. When they arrive, Rico nudges Skipper, and they see Julien and Mort holding their television, Maurice in a jeep.

“Boys, get Private in the house. I need to have a word with His Royal Majesty.”

His brothers do as asked, and Skipper walks up to the side of the jeep.

“Hey, Maurice.”

The other boy jumps in his seat. “Aw shhh… hey, Skipper.”

Skipper pats the door and walks to the other side. He crosses his arms and leans on the jeep, one edge of his mouth quirked in a little smirk. Julien gasps when he sees him, shifting most of the weight of the television onto Mort.

“Uh, hello, Penguin friend. We were just”

“Take it,” Skipper waves him off.

The three of them look back at him in surprise.

“You _want_ me to be stealing your talkity box?”

“I want you to _take_ it,” Skipper corrects him. “As a gift.”

Meanwhile, Patrick rides in the passenger seat of Kimball’s car. The blonde briefly wonders how the latter has his license considering his birthday isn’t until the end of November. He doesn’t dwell on it, more shaken than he’ll admit about the chain of events.

“Where am I taking you?” When Patrick fails to respond, Cho takes one look at him and comes to a decision. “You can stay with me tonight.”

“I can take the couch,:” He mumbles.

Cho shakes his head. “We shared a bed at the hotel. There’s no evidence to indicate we can’t do the same elsewhere.”

Patrick thinks about it and nods. He grabs a napkin from the middle console and begins fiddling with it. When they pull up to a foster home facility, Patrick isn’t surprised. Cho didn’t think he would be. The blonde has made an origami frog and places it on the dashboard in front of his driver. Kimball raises an eyebrow, but he jumps slightly when the frog jumps. A self-conscious smile appears in the corners of Cho’s mouth, and Patrick counts it as a victory.

“Let’s go inside.”

** Monday, January 27th **

A fire alarm goes off at the hotel at three in the morning. Some people need to grab extra clothes as everyone shuffles out in what they wore to bed.

“Your first baking challenge will soon commence,” Hollywood announces over the PA system. “Wearing what you are, and using only foods found in your rooms, you have ninety minutes to create something exciting and set it ablaze.” An air horn is sounded. “Go!”

Everyone takes off; the younger and more physically active kids take the stairs, while the others wait on the elevator.

Meanwhile, Edd has an equivalent of a hangover. They sold a good amount of En-O-Gee drinks yesterday, making the populace hyper. Today, Joey shows up at Rikki’s house in his boxer shorts.

“Joey, what are you doing?” Edd sighs.

“I ran out of clean clothes,” He shrugs.

Rikki wrinkles his nose. “When did you last shower?”

He shrugs again. “Maybe Thursday?”

“Dad’s out, and the twins are out back. check the bathrooms. One should be available.” When Joey only looks at him in confusion, Rikki resists the urge to slap him. “Shower.”

“He’s impossible,” Rikki complains as Joey leaves.

“Might I suggest a makeover?”

Rikki raises an eyebrow. “Like, new clothes? I could ask Robbie; you make him a cake in return?”

Double D nods. “Show him movies like _Grease_ or _West Side Story_.”

Rikki smirks. “You know how impressionable he is.”

When the bell rings for school to begin, TJ is in ISS. He’s not alone here; Wally, Kevin, Lucy, Jeff, and Colin are in the room with him. Miss Fowl is the acting teacher, although she’s already reading a book at her desk. TJ looks around. Wally and Colin have out comic books. Kevin leans back in his chair and begins tossing his football in the air. Jeff appears to be studying, and Lucy simply goes to sleep. TJ takes out his cell phone.

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _How will I survive a week?_

**|From: A+ Girl**

**|** _Count the ceiling tiles_

**|From: Tough Customer**

**|** _Insult the teacher. Maybe she’ll send you to the front_

**|From: Comedy Gold**

**|** _Befriend a delinquent_

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _All swell ideas, guys. But I was thinking something along the lines of GETTING ME OUT OF HERE_

**|From: Little ozzo**

**|** _Maybe we could implement something_

The ninety minutes are soon up. Using the mini bar, packed sweets, and quick thinking on the room service, the roommates create a surplus of desserts. Unfortunately, one team – Maya and Marinette – is unable to finish on time, and another team’s creation – El and Anastasia – belongs in the trash. The four contestants are subsequently eliminated. After the remaining teams get cleaned up, Hollywood has another competition waiting for them.

“You will be making cupcakes that scream ‘you’. Your flavor. Your attitude. Your personality. Two people will be eliminated, but they may not be roommates. This is a free-for-all. Use anything at your disposal. Each contestant will be making their own unique cupcake. You have an hour. Go!”

Everyone scatters, tripping over one another to create the cupcake that best describes them. Meanwhile, Joey is trying to be cool. After Edd agreed to make a sugar loaf cake with purple frosting, Robbie fashioned a perfectly tailored T-Bird style outfit for Joey. He helped him with hair gel and sent them to school.

“Hey, Joey,” Adrian calls out in the hallway. “Nice digs, dude.”

“Just call me Joe, m’kay?”

Adrian shrugs, and Joey clicks his tongue. He walks into his science class, and Buford scoffs at his attire.

“What’re you trying to hide in that hair, dweeb?”

“Hey, now. Don’t be a Richard.”

Buford looks back at him in confusion. He looks at Baljeet for confirmation. While his younger classmate doesn’t look away from the microscope slides he’s sorting, he tells him what he needs to hear.

“He said ‘don’t be a dick’, Buford.”

Cindy fixes up a voice changer from Mailbox’s old box of tricks. Once it allows Tony to sound like a middle-age man, Molly hands him Miss Fowl’s cell phone number.

“Oh, Winifred. How your eyes sparkle like the morning dew.” Tony covers the receiver and glances up at Mailbox, who is holding a poetry book open. “Find another page.”

“Who is this?”

“My name? Uh…” He darts around the empty weight room, spotting Cindy’s Einstein headphones and Molly opening the brown bag lunch she took from one of the freshmen in the hall. “It’s Albert Lindberg.”

Unfortunately, his quick thinking doesn’t go over so well. She’s suspicious, although Coach Ale Menlo barging in completely wrecks the plan.

The hour is up, and the cupcakes are ready. Art presents a chocolate crème with a Jolly Roger candied topping; Oswald has a red velvet with a licorice middle. Kitty, unsurprisingly, brings in a bourbon rum, and Cleo stays classic with vanilla in spikes. Gene has a white chocolate covered strawberry; Gopher has baby blue vanilla crème, and AJ, of course, has apple. With a candy stem.

Pinkie has bouncy bubblegum, and Alfalfa has a chocolate covered banana sticking up in the center front. Newt brings in a pumpkin roll. Mitch, Cam, and Funshine walk in with different designs in rainbow. Andy adds some vodka to his white chocolate raspberry cheesecake. James seductively presents an orange dreamsicle; Hamilton has key lime. Julian and Katara go simple with chocolate and cheesecake, respectively. Hobbes has an orange cake with chocolate chips.

Gil has yellow cake with a lot of scattered toppings. Digit has mouth-watering puce velvet. Lex, Cat, and Rick follow suit with marble, carrot, and lemon. Emma tricks the judges with a cupcake made of Pedialyte. Lily has vanilla almond; Richie fulfills his sweet tooth with snickerdoodle. Gordon goes all out with jalapeno chocolate, and Fletcher has a deep-fried oreo. Merlin stays alert with coffee. Strawberry has raspberry buttercream; Piper has wedding cake. Squidward is fancy with tiramisu, and Tobey finishes off with a strawberry ice cream cupcake.

The copiers are in hot water. With similarities in the chocolate, vanilla, rainbow, and red velvet, Art, Oswald, Cleo, Gopher, Mitch, Cam, Julian, Funshine, and Digit are asked to present their cases on why the cupcake best represents them.

“My cupcake represents the life on the open sea.”

“This is what my soul looks like.”

“I am ahead of the game.”

“I’m a blank slate.”

“It’s my identity and pride.”

“It’s all that I stand for.”

“It’s simple yet deadly.”

“It represents promises to come.”

“I am well-balanced.”

Art and Cleo, unfortunately, give the worst answers. They are eliminated. New roommates are assigned.

  1. AJ (13) & Piper (16)
  2. Alfalfa (15) & Julian (16)
  3. Cam (18) & Kitty (mom)
  4. Cat (13) & Newt (9)
  5. Digit (14) & Tobey (12)
  6. Emma (13) & Funshine (12)
  7. Fletcher (12) & Gopher (12)
  8. Gene (13) & Gordon (12)
  9. Andy (15) & Merlin (12)
  10. James (16) & Lex (20)
  11. Katara (14) & Pinkie (13)
  12. Mitch (19) & Hobbes (16)
  13. Oswald (19) & Gil (13)
  14. Richie (14) & Rick (21)
  15. Squidward (16) & Hamilton (12)
  16. Strawberry (14) & Lily (13)



They’re sent to their rooms to be reacquainted with one another until the next competition. Six groups are on the second floor. The cowgirl takes off her hat and hangs it on the bedpost next to the window, silently claiming it as her own. Moving to the adjoining dresser, AJ sets up framed photos of her granny, older brother Mac, and younger sister Bloom. She also sets down a harmonica before shifting her attention to the closet. Piper has just set up her photos of her older sister Prue and younger sister Phoebe when she looks over at AJ’s.

“Is this your family?”

AJ nods excitedly. She looks away from her clothes and regales her memories of her family. Piper listens but silently resents her roommate of having such tightly knit relationships. Down the hall, the teenager with a trademark cowlick sets up his dresser with a magnifying glass on a bible, a football, a notebook with doodles on the cover, plus a golf club and ball. His roommate watches him in silence, having nothing on his dresser and only putting away four outfits inside. The awkward tension radiates in layers.

Cam carefully pulls out his portable DVD player, headphones, and _Wizard of Oz_ copy. Kitty’s eyes catch it immediately, and she squeals excitedly.

“Forget the headphones. Let’s watch the movie!”

“You like the _Wizard of Oz_?” He asks incredulously. “Most people rag on it.”

She scoffs. “Of course, I like it. I’ve always had a thing for the Tin Man.”

He grins, patting the space next to him in bed. “The rest of my unpacking can wait until later. Let’s watch!”

Cat pulls an old record player from his suitcase, as well as a _Bach: The Goldberg Variations_ record. His roommate intensely watches as he painstakingly drags the needle over and music begins to play. The kid continues to look dumbstruck until Cat snaps his fingers in front of his face.

“Awesome!”

“You like Bach?”

“Dude! You got a chicken to play piano on a Frisbee?”

Cat looks back at him blankly. “Hold on. A chicken?”

“Bawk! Bawk, bawk!” Newt grins. “Wicked awesome!”

“Oh, how the mighty have fallen,” Cat grumbles under his breath as he climbs into bed and faces away from his juvenile roommate.

When Digit and Tobey walk into their room, Tobey attempts to be cordial about it.

“Which bed would you prefer?”

Digit scratches his head. “Guess the one by the closet, Doc.”

Tobey nods, walking to the bed by the window. Digit dumps his backpack onto the new dresser and sits on his bed. He watches as Tobey settles into his dresser with seven _Princess Triana_ books, Wordgirl plush, and a few remotes. He leaves his backpack beside his bed, and Digit wonders about the clunking sounds he hears as it settles. However, as Tobey settles on his bed, he pulls out a toolbox from his suitcase and grabs a few mechanical parts from the backpack.

“What’re you buildin’?”

“A robut to carry my spices.”

“That’s real smart.” Digit grins. “Mind if I watch?”

Tobey shrugs. Emma and Funshine walk into their room. While Emma throws her bags on the floor and curls up on her bed with a book, Funshine excitedly decorates the room. She strings fairy lights along the walls and pulls out her favorite baseball memorabilia. Emma barely glances up from her book as Funshine zips around the room. Fletcher trips over his feet into his room, but he takes his bags with him, making for a cushy fall at the foot of a bed. Gopher merely stares.

“I’m good,” Fletcher assures him anyway. He pulls out a can of spray paint. “Want to go vandalize the halls?”

“Nuh-uh,” Gopher shakes his head, pulling out a Playboy hidden in a National Geographic.

Fletcher sits up and digs out a sketching pad and a charcoal pencil. “Then I’ll just draw while you brush up on African wildlife.”

On the third floor, there are five groups. Almost immediately after entering the room, Gene undresses to his underwear and instead pulls on a burger mascot costume. He grabs his Casio SK-5 keyboard and kicks the rest of his things into the closet. Gordon nods as Gene starts up his keyboard music, and the Scottish preteen hums. He moves to the closet, settling his bag of mythological weaponry beside Gene’s. Gordon then grabs a book and flops onto the bed on the other side.

Andy and Merlin walk into their room, already laughing at something decidedly unfunny. Since a lot of people took the elevator, they took the stairs.

_“Hey, Merle, was it?”_

_“Mer_ lin _,” The younger boy groans, unable to add snark. “You… ninnyhammer.”_

_“What did you call me?”_

_“Ninnyhammer.”_

_“What…” He shakes his head. “Fine. Mer_ lin _, how do you feel about a little contraband?”_

_That piques his interest. “What do you have in mind?”_

_Andy brandishes a bottle of white wine opened from the last challenge. Merlin’s eyes twinkle, and the boys take a break to relax in the alcohol._ As Andy and Merlin stumble into their room, James and Lex are already unpacked. Lex packed some brandy, and he’s sipping a snifter while reading a _Warrior Angel_ comic book in bed. James sets aside the handbook he’s been leafing through. He slides out of bed and walks over to his roommate.

“Lex?”

“Hmm?”

Lex’s eyes dart up, and he sets his comic on the dresser. His lips quirk up in one corner, and the gleam in his eyes turns dangerous. Rather than answer with words, James dips his knee into Lex’s bed and experimentally kisses his lips. When Lex shifts, James breaks away, letting an involuntary gasp escape his mouth.

“Is… _this_ okay?”

Lex’s eyes trail over James’ body. The teenager is wearing red and white boxer shorts and a pale blue wifebeater. Lex nods enthusiastically and pulls off the wifebeater. He breaks the buttons off his violet silk shirt, and James tentatively works the buttons of Lex’s slacks. Once the zipper is undone, Lex shimmies out of them with ease. He pulls on James’ waistband, the teenager complying by awkwardly shuffling out of them and lying beneath the bald man. Lex is mesmerized, but he manages to hold off long enough to pull his top drawer open. He blindly finds a bottle of raspberry-flavored lube and holds it so his roommate can see.

“You’re not allergic, are you?”

James, sweating in anticipation, feverishly shakes his head ‘no’. Lex grins and lathers himself up. He flips James to his stomach, pressing his lips to the back of the younger boy’s neck and massaging his ass. James lets out a guttural groan. Lex aligns himself without breaking his lip contact, and he slowly pushes in without stopping. James bites the pillow near his head, fists clenching around the bedsheet. Lex finally sucks on a certain bite mark and nudges James on all fours.

Lex grasps James’ ass cheeks more firmly as he slowly pulls out. James whines from the loss of heat, and he tries hard not to scream when Lex slams back into him. On the other side of the wall, Katara and Pinkie play Go Fish on the floor. When Katara hears the moans and groans next door, she turns on some OneRepublic to counter them. Pinkie initially raises an eyebrow toward her, but it’s quickly forgotten when she starts singing along to _Counting Stars_ , and Katara is grateful.

Mitch sits on his bed down the hall, dressed in E.T. pajamas, and watching _St. Elmo’s Fire_ on his laptop with his headphones plugged in. He is perfectly content on ignoring his new roommate despite that being the reason they’re in the room for the time being. Hobbes, for the most part, doesn’t mind. He’s in his black boxers and white wifebeater, reading his copy of _The Cossacks_.

Finally, the fourth floor holds the final four groups and the celebrity bakers. Neither Oswald nor Gil have much by way of luggage. Oswald props up a framed photo of his mother Gertrud on his dresser; Gil likewise has a framed wanted poster of his dad Gaston.

“Your dad looks familiar.”

Gil nods wearing a lopsided grin. “He’s been charged for vandalism, treason, whatever. Murder, blackmail…”

“And… this doesn’t bother you?” Oswald quirks an eyebrow.

“Nah. He’s my dad. Plus,” Gil pulls out a switchblade with a bright yellow handle. “I can handle myself. I’m in a gang, you know.”

“And you’re just giving up this information? What if I was a cop? Or the son of a cop?”

Gil stares back in shock, as if the idea hadn’t occurred to him. “Oh, no. You aren’t, are you?”

Oswald huffs out a laugh and pulls out his own sleek black switchblade. “Hell, no. if you’re going to be like this, I may as well tell you I am also a member of a gang.”

Gil full-on grins and grabs two apples from the complimentary fruit bowl in the room. He raises an eyebrow and Oswald nods. The two peel their apples and eat the slices off the knives in companionable silence. Gil breaks it.

“Well, we’re the Savages. In Chino.”

Oswald nods. “I’m close by. In Gotham. We’re the Fishbones.”

Gil’s jaw drops. “Damn! Your turf drops off at the border. Right where our turf begins! Dude, we’re Turf Neighbors!”

After a few more minutes of talking about their respective gangs, Oswald announces he’s turning in for a nap before the chefs decide on starting another challenge. As Gil moves to turn off the light, he clears his throat.

“Hey, Oswald. Do you mind if, can I sleep in the same bed as you?”

Oswald stares back for a second or two before shifting to the side and opening the blanket. Gil smiles and turns off the light. The boys shed their pants and share the bed. Down the hall, Richie and Rick are playing checkers to sharpen their minds. With each pawn, rook, or bishop taken from the board, the boys reveal something about themselves. Richie is surprised that Rick normally goes by his surname, Castle. Likewise, Rick expresses a “no offence, but you don’t look like the type of kid to ride a motorcycle,” when Richie tells him about Fonzie.

Squidward spends about twenty minutes tricking Hamilton into creating a curtain around the former’s chosen bed. The teenager would rather privately wallow in self-pity than learn anything about the preteen. As a result, Hamilton is relatively unbothered. He inwardly calls Squidward a grouch, much like Hamilton’s cousin Oscar, and the younger boy pulls out flattened cardboard he had earlier set under his bed. With some duct tape at the ready, Hamilton makes a sturdy cardboard box to sleep in.

In the last room, Strawberry draws in her sketchbook, depicting how she perceives each of her competitors. Lily practices yoga but her eye catches a sketch of herself. It’s no amateur drawing, and she wants to see. Strawberry persists that it’s not her best work and she doesn’t want it to be seen yet, but Lily is stubborn. And it shows. The sketch has her face with the body of a sugarloaf. Her arms are crossed in the image, and the name listed underneath is “Stubborn Sugarloaf.”

The lunch bell rings at East Oaks Elementary. Joey has been making some new friends with his cool looks and snappy phrases. Popular kids Phineas and Ferb – as well as softball girls Missy and Angelica – invite him to sit with them. Joey initially wants to hug them and nearly laughs. He stops himself and brushes past both groups with indifference.

“Whatever. I’m getting cheese fries.”

As he walks away, he overhears Phineas calling him cool, and Angelica says she’s going to the Valentine’s Day dance with him as her date. Joey forces himself to steel and, after grabbing cheese fries from the line, he eats them by himself at the windowsill.

Miss Fowl hands out brown paper bags to her ISS kids, each consisting of a white or strawberry milk, ham and cheese or peanut butter jelly sandwich, and an apple. The kids are given freedom to talk and eat while she has her lunch at her desk. The kids trade off the food, though they also trade off other items – like TJ’s Winger Dingers from his backpack for Colin’s flashlight. Wally trades his Rainbow Monkey pin he got from Kuki for a pack of 5 Gum Lucy has in her bag; TJ buys a stick from her with a quarter.

The bakers have released the siren announcing a new challenge throughout the hotel. The contestants are to report to the baking arena within the next fifteen minutes. The Wizard has just admitted to being a humbug, and Cam and Kitty watch on intently.

“I’m a good man but a bad wizard,” The duo recites alongside the character.

Cam hesitantly clicks the pause button after the line. He and Kitty share a look, blatantly expressing how much both want to continue – but also that they’re in a competition and need to get to the arena.

“… and then there’s Phoebe,” Piper is explaining her family dynamics in a vague description as opposed to AJ’s open honesty. “She’s two years younger than me, but we don’t have a super close relationship like you and Bloom.”

“Why not?” AJ asks, stretching her legs in response to the bell ringing.

Piper shrugs, also standing. “For one, she skips school a lot. She stays out late a lot, too.”

Cat sets aside his book and takes the needle off the record. Newt is on his feet, searching for the obnoxious sound that woke him up. Cat rolls his eyes.

“It’s the Arena Siren, Newton.”

The blonde gapes at him in shock. “How’d you know that name?”

“Your nickname is Newt. It was simply deduction.”

Tobey and Digit glance at one another. Digit had gravitated to Tobey’s bed, and the boys are working together. Using Tobey’s blueprint for the remote that goes with the robot he’s building; Digit has been entrusted to arrange the correct wires and mechanisms for the remote. Digit is having fun.

“Okay,” Emma has gotten into the icebreaker game Funshine had decided on. “Would you rather have only summer or winter for the rest of your life?”

Funshine thinks hard on this one, standing up at the sound of the alarm. “That’s a difficult one. On one hand, summer has all the plants growing and swimming. On the other, winter has snowball fights and Christmas. I think I’d rather have Summer.”

Fletcher has already left the room after setting his sketchbook under the bed. Gopher hadn’t minded. Fletcher is ready to bake, but Gopher’s pants are uncomfortable. Thanks to National Geographic. Satisfied that the other boy is out of the room, Gopher sticks his hand down his pants to relieve some stress.

Gene pulls out a replica of a certain sword and looks at Gordon with a question in his eyes.

“This is the Sword of Attila. The legendary weapon carried by Attila the Hun,” Gordon pauses. “It’s not sharp or anything. The origin states that when a certain shepherd beheld one heifer of his flock limping and could find no cause for this wound, he anxiously followed the trail of blood and at length came to a sword it had unwittingly trampled while nibbling the grass. He dug it up and took it straight to Attila.” He continues the story in the hall as they leave the room.

Andy and Merlin are still somewhat drunk. They have been attempting a scavenger hunt within their room when the alarm sounded. The boys drop their random items and stumble through the door, Merlin clumsier than Andy. Lex lazily sits up, trailing his finger down James’ chest.

“Hey.”

James’ voice is hoarse and husky, and Lex’s lips quirk upward at the sound. He lifts his finger and brings it to his lips. James watches intently as Lex licks off his sweat. He’s unprepared when the man swats his chest and stands for all the world to see his birthday suit if they were to open the unlocked door. Lucky for Pinkie, Lex is wearing his slacks – with James’ throat going dry due to the other going commando – when she opens the door.

“Hey, you guys! The bell rang for us to get to the arena!”

Katara is already at the elevator, and Pinkie jogs after her. Lex smirks back at James, who is still naked under the covers. It’s too much for the teenager; he flops back on the bed. With some sense of modesty, Lex grabs a pair of gray sweatpants and throws them on the occupied bed. Mitch and Hobbes are back to silence when they walk into the elevator. Wales is no longer so interesting.

Oswald and Gil hold hands in the back of the elevator, silent and basically ignoring each other in every other way. Squidward pointedly doesn’t look in Hamilton’s direction as they step out of the elevator. Lily and Strawberry, on the other hand, are much more cordial to one another than they had been only hours earlier. The roommates are told to take stations as they file in – from left to right and from front to back.

“Now, then.” Buddy Valastro claps his hands. “This will be a different challenge. Each set of you will be creating a dessert from another country. We will go down the stations, first come, first serve.”

“What Buddy means,” Duff Goldman clarifies. “Is that we will be heading down to each of you, in the order that you entered the arena. Each pair will be allowed to choose one country, and once the country is chosen, no one else will be able to choose it. Are we clear?”

A chorus of ‘yes, chef’ is echoed, and he nods in satisfaction. Paul Hollywood then brandishes a microphone to ensure everyone hears each country being picked.

“United Kingdom,” Piper’s voice rings out.

“Egypt,” Cat declares.

“Netherlands,” Squidward is confident.

“Belgium,” Katara nods.

“Ethiopia,” Rick states boldly.

“Wales,” Mitch grins.

“Switzerland,” Alfalfa decides immediately.

“Hungary,” Oswald is resolute.

“South Africa.” Emma and Funshine are in agreement.

“Italy,” Digit grins.

“Germany,” Cam speaks for Kitty, who’s still contemplating.

“Ireland,” Merlin almost laughs, leaning on Andy’s shoulder.

“Scotland,” Gordon states proudly.

“We’ve got Israel,” Lily decides.

Lex is happy that no one’s taken his favorite. “France.”

Gopher frowns and whispers to Fletcher. “Where is it that all the Danish people are from?”

“Denmark?”

Gopher snaps his fingers and moves toward the microphone. “That’s it. We’re Denmark.”

“Okay!” Bobby claps his hands again. “You’ve got two hours to determine and bake a dessert originating in your chosen country.”

He blows the whistle, and the time begins. Frasier DiMaggio lunch ends, and Val drags Ithro to the dumpsters out back. The older teenager eyes Val carefully before leaning against one of the bins.

“Alright, you’re being uncharacteristically serious here. I can tell.”

“You work for GJ, right?”

Ithro tenses up. “Damn. Okay,” He looks around for a teacher and takes Val’s hand. “Let’s talk in the sports shed.”

Ithro leads Val to the old shed behind the soccer field. It’s rarely used since the gymnasium had increased its space four years ago. In the dim light, Val hops onto a tool desk, and Ithro leans against the nearby wall.

“So, what’s happened, Valentine?”

“I need an ‘in’ so I can talk to Everett and Joan.”

“Joan basically handles murders and missing people.”

“What about Arthur or Director?”

Ithro sighs. “Arthur handles delinquents and gang wars. Director handles domestics and”

“Her.” Val interrupts, fishing out his flash drive. “I have irrefutable proof that two men were masquerading as a group of orphans’ uncle. They told the boys that if they helped raise money, they’d take the kids to Germany to see their mom.”

“What the hell?” Ithro shakes his head. “That’s a complicated scheme. And this is, what, video confession?”

Val nods. “The boys agreed to testify if it’s needed.”

“You four are the only ones with this information?”

Val tilts his head. “And a mutual friend.”

Ithro sighs deeply. Val watches hesitantly, but his shoulders relax when Ithro finally nods.

“Okay. Who is this mutual friend? Can they come with us to GJ?”

“I can ask him now.” Val pulls out his cell phone and starts texting.

**|From: Underworld Prince**

**|** _Can you come w 2 GJ?_

**|From: Ducky** **😉**

 **|** _When dy need me?_

“He asked when we need him.”

“We can go now. Is he in school?”

Val nods. “Yes.”

“This one?”

“No, he goes to Lakewood.”

Ithro groans. “Get him to ditch. Let’s go.”

**|From: Underworld Prince**

**|** _Ditch class_

**|From: Ducky** **😉**

 **|** _I’ll call a town car. Meet you out front._

“He’s calling a town car for us.” Val frowns as they walk to a bike rack. “We’re biking?”

Ithro shrugs. “You can take a bike, or you can walk.”

“I don’t have a bike.”

“Well, I’m going to look away. So, if someone happens to pick a lock or tug loose a chain, I’ve seen nothing.”

Val smirks. “You’ve got some devil in you.”

Ithro chooses not to respond and instead pulls out his phone.

**|From: Big Bro**

 **|** _GJ 911. My bike’s @ Lakewood_

**|From: Lil’ Elf**

**|** _R u ok?_

**|From: Big Bro**

**|** _I can handle it, Sport. Just bring my bike home._

“Who’re you texting?” Val walks up with a black bike.

“My brother. Letting him know where my bike is.”

Val nods. “That’s smart.”

**|From: Lil’ Elf**

**|** _Ok_

The trek from Chino to Phildale is a long one, even on bicycles. By the time they reach the Octoplex in East Oaks, Val calls for a timeout. He has several missed text messages from Ryan, and he clicks on the most recent one.

**|From: Ducky** **😉**

 **|** _Do I need to call 911 to find ur body?_

**|From: Underworld Prince**

**|** _Jesus, Duck. We r on bikes._

**|From: Ducky** **😉**

 **|** _What kind? My moped goes faster_

**|From: Underworld Prince**

**|** _Bicycles, Ry. From a rack_

**|From: Ducky** **😉**

 **|** _I’m getting in the car. Where r u?_

**|From: Underworld Prince**

**|** _Octoplex_

**|From: Ducky** **😉**

 **|** _Be there in 10_

“Are you rested yet?” Ithro asks irritably.

“Tell your brother to pick the bike up here. Ry’s going to pick us up.”

Ithro frowns. “How long will he be?”

“Ten minutes, give or take.”

“Okay,” Ithro sighs, whipping out his phone again.

Bobby walks around as forty-five minutes have passed. All the pairs have chosen their desserts and have started creating them. He walks up to Katara and Pinkie. The brunette is heating deep frying oil at 375-F degrees, and her partner is beating a mixture that has recently been added eggs.

“This looks exciting.”

Katara nods. “First batch’ll be done in about ten minutes.”

“First batch?”

“In case the first is bad.”

“Excellent idea.”

He walks to Gopher and Fletcher next. Bobby stops suddenly and needs a double take. Fletcher has brought out a mini fridge from the hotel room, and he has a lot of extra wires attached to it. Gopher is busy multitasking. With one hand, he shovels ice from a cooler into a funnel the boys have added to the fridge. With his other hand, he’s stirring chopped almonds into a boiled mix inside a stock pot.

“What on earth are you boys doing?”

“The recipe calls for the rice to cool then chill for several hours,” Fletcher explains. “We don’t have that time, so we rigged up this beauty.”

Bobby blinks. It makes sense, but he can’t remember a time someone has thought of this. He turns his heel and walks over to Cat and Newt. The boys are squatting in front of an open hot oven. Batter is sitting in a bowl inside a greased pan. The boys have also hooked up Bunsen burners. They are wearing oven mitts and holding the burners with the flames facing the oven. Buddy shakes his head.

“Can you tell me what it is you’re doing?”

“This needs to rise in a warm place for one and a quarter hours. We don’t have that time. With the heat from the oven and dual burners,” Cat gestures with his head. “-we’ll complete the task in just forty-two minutes.”

“Done in half the time. Clever.”

“It would actually be 49.41% of the time.” Cat automatically corrects him. “But, yes, clever.”

Bobby merely sighs and turns around to find Richie and Rick. They’re away from their station, standing in front of the glass heater in back. Bobby instantly starts sweating and notices that the temperature is increased to 114-F degrees.

“It is sweltering in here. And why are you watching the jar?”

Rick continues watching, but Richie looks away to speak to the judge. “We had to add triple the yeast and double the temperature so the four days fermentation will happen in six hours. When it hits an hour, we have to turn up the temperature, and after fifteen minutes we have to take it out and replenish the gesho.”

“You’ve lost me. Alright, keep it up, boys.”

Bobby sighs and passes the microphone to Paul, saying something about changing his clothes and walking backstage. Paul glances around the stations and walks to James and Lex. They’ve secured a cooler filled with ice. James is sitting on it, and Lex is talking to him while checking his watch.

“Are you two finished?”

“No,” Lex shakes his head. “We’re timing our dish. It’s wrapped in foil and buried in ice to simulate overnight refrigeration.”

“That is an intelligent choice. Carry on.” Paul’s watch dings, and he brings the microphone to his lips. “One hour, everyone!”

He walks to Cam and Kitty. Although they’ve got an hour left, they seem to be chilling with pasta. He’s confused, then, when Kitty shivers like she’s cold.

“What have we here? Spaghetti?”

“Not quite,” Cam shakes his head. “But we may need to make more.”

“How long did this take?”

“About forty minutes.” Kitty grins, for once not drinking.

Paul nods and looks around. His eyes fall on Oswald and Gil. The younger boy is covering two rolling pins in layers of aluminum foil. Oswald is standing by the oven, watching the time on his watch.

“What’s happening over here?”

“Seven minutes left for the dough to rise,” Oswald gestures to the oven. “Gil’s protecting the pins for later.”

Paul nods. “Alright. Be sure it’ll be finished in fifty-seven minutes.”

“It will be.”

Paul steps away and walks to Andy and Merlin. The boys are simply standing by the oven and sharing a bottle of Guinness.

“Are you getting drunk on the job?”

“Neva,” Merlin blinks tiredly. “We’re testin’ the product.”

Paul shakes his head, but he doesn’t press them. Next pair up is Lily and Strawberry. The latter is frying golden batter bites; the former is simmering some sort of liquid. He walks to Lily.

“What is all this?”

“Here we have sugar water, rose water, and coconut flavoring.”

“Fascinating.”

Paul steps away when his stomach lets out a short rumble. He’s getting hungry from this job. He walks over to Digit and Tobey. Tobey is standing by the fridge and staring at his watch. Digit is at the oven, heating canola oil to 360 degrees F in a heavy-bottomed pot. When it’s secured, he grabs a sack of flour and a sifter. Paul is about to question them when Tobey’s watch dings. He removes their dish and carries it over to the counter. While Digit continues sifting the flour. Tobey grabs some flour and spreads it on a rolling pin.

Paul ultimately decides not to disrupt their flow. He turns to Hamilton and Squidward. Hamilton is simmering a suspicious-smelling substance. Squidward regularly adds more water and churned butter. There’s a timer ticking down, and the boys are moving at a leisure pace. Paul sighs. He didn’t say anything about underage drinking; he’s not going to say anything about them. He moves onto Gene and Gordon. There are already at least two batches set out on the counter.

Paul watches as Gordon whisks cream and whiskey in a bowl. He drinks a little as Gene takes over, pouring in honey and toasted oatmeal. Gordon grabs several serving glasses while Gene keeps stirring.

“You’ve already got two batches and you’re making another?”

Gordon shakes his head. “Aye, we’ve made four batches. This is our fifth.”

“How long do they take you?”

“About fifteen minutes,” Gene answers.

Emma and Funshine are drinking coconut water, as their dish is still cooking in the oven. They have nothing to do until it’s firm. Likewise, Julian and Alfalfa are eating apples. Their dish won’t be ready to take out until half an hour till. Piper and AJ have just removed their tin from the oven. Recipe states their dish cools five minutes, so the girls simply chat and wait. Mitch and Hobbes are also waiting to take their dish out of the oven. Hobbes has a can of whipped topping at the ready.

Meanwhile, Ryan has picked up Val and Ithro. His driver has taken them to the border of Metropolis and Bennington. That’s as far as Ithro will allow the driver, so they walk from there to a gated area guarded by a toll booth. A man shifts at the window and holds out a hand. Ithro pulls out his wallet and hands the man a card. Handing it back a minute later, he wordlessly gestures to the others.

“His brother’s an agent,” He points to Val, and then to Ryan. “WITSEC.”

The man in the toll booth stares hard and then allows it. The three boys are instantly succumbed to a cavity search. One of the techs takes the flash drive and demands to know its purpose.

“Incrimination of a crime,” Ithro states simply.

The drive is instantly handed back. The boys are allowed into the building, and Ithro begins his mad search for Dr. Director. Ryan and Val stick close by.

“Who are your friends?” A voice pops up from nowhere. All three jump back, and the owner of the voice chuckles at the reaction. “You’d think you were the ones who were blind.”

“Auggie,” Ithro sighs, attempting to maintain a cool façade.

“I didn’t know you were an agent,” Val sighs. “Damn.”

“Valentine,” Auggie is surprised to hear his classmate. “You’re not an agent.”

“Nah. Ithro, Ryan, and I need to talk with Director.”

“You have a domestics case?” He turns serious. “Has something happened to you?”

“Not personally,” He assures the other. “Some friends of mine, orphans. They were tricked into raising money to see their nonexistent mother by their nonexistent uncle.”

“Scamming orphans to find their parents. Damn, that’s dark. I hope he gets his ass nailed to a wall.”

It doesn’t take too long to find Dr. Director. When she sees Ithro’s expression, she waves for the boys to come into her office. Val and Ryan convey minute shock at the eyepatch covering her right eye. She taps a button at her desk, and the door automatically locks. The blinds on her windows lock down as well, to block out interference. When she sits down, Ithro hands her the drive. She inserts it in her computer; she ignores the worded files and clicks on the first video. The boys remain silent while she watches the short clip Simon taped of Magnus and Alex revealing their scheme.

“Who are these men?”

“The brunette is Magnus Breech,” Ithro informs her. “The blonde is identified as Malcolm Jane, but we believe the name is an alias.”

She nods. “Who recorded this?”

“A boy named Theodore-”

“Simon,” Ryan quickly interjects.

“Right,” Ithro nods. “ _Simon_ Russell.”

The doctor nods as well. “Are the other videos similar?”

“No, Ma’am.” Ryan shakes his head. “They’re testimonies from the victims.”

The doctor sighs heavily. “This is a difficult domestic case. I’m going to send it to Rachel McKenzie. She and her brother can find Mr. Jane’s real name and have these men arrested at the least.”

“Who is Rachel?” Ithro asks, not having heard that name.

“She’s a transfer recruit,” She answers cryptically. “Take the back tunnels. Left, right, left, straight, left.”

The boys are sent out of the office, and the younger two are only more confused. Ithro, however, brushes this off and demands the boys follow him. They have no choice.

In New York, the timer runs out. Every contestant is forced to hold their hands in the air. Duff takes control of the contest.

“Emma and Funshine, please explain what you’ve made.”

“We have coconut ice from South Africa.” Funshine steps up. “It’s traditionally used with coconut and boiled sugar syrup. We used vanilla extract instead. It has a mildly grainy texture. The pink food coloring was only added on part of the sweet, so it appears in layers.”

The judges take a taste and write their thoughts on a notecard. Duff then calls up Piper and AJ. They bring over a traditional British pudding.

“It’s called jam roly-poly,” Piper tells the judges. “It’s flat-rolled suet spread with apple jam and rolled up. We then steamed it. In history, it was served in an old shirt sleeve, leading to the nickname dead man’s arm.”

The judges repeat this process. Gopher and Fletcher made risalamande from Denmark; Cat and Newt made zalabya from Egypt; Richie and Rick made Tej from Ethiopia. Katara and Pinkie are proud of their pink-tinted sneeuwballen from Belgium. James and Lex boldly declare they’ve won with their apricot pâte de fruit from France. Cam and Kitty present spaghettieis from Germany, and it confuses a lot of the contestants. Also, Alfalfa and Julian have Basler Läckerli from Switzerland. Hamilton and Squidward are called up, and they try to remain serious.

“We m-made Netherlands from space cakes,” Hamilton stifles a giggle.

Duff’s eye widen in shock. “Are the two of you _high_?”

Bobby is also surprised and looks down at the desserts. “Did you make _cannabis cake_? Where did you even _find_ marijuana?”

Squidward hiccups. “Guilty.”

The judges huff. They take a small piece each from the same cake piece and write their thoughts on a notecard. Oswald and Gil step up with their Hungarian chimney cakes, baked around rolling pins. Lily and Strawberry have levivot from Israel, Lily explaining that it’s a Hanukkah dish as well; one that she has nearly every year. Digit and Tobey have Italian cannoli. Mitch and Hobbes have Welsh amber pudding. Andy and Merlin are nearly falling over one another as they work together. Duff collects the dish from the boys, frowning again.

“And you two are drunk.”

“Guinness.” Andy nods.

“We made portcher cake.” Merlin smiles through his slurring. “Resiprint Ireland.”

The boys attempt to explain what they did and how they made the dessert, but it’s difficult to understand them fully. The final two contestants – Gene and Gordon – are called to the front. Gordon has obviously been drinking as well, thought not nearly as much.

“We used oatmeal, raspberries, heavy cream, honey, and malt whiskey to create a traditional Scottish Cranachan.” Gordon speaks with clarity.

“We made them quick enough that we made several batches.” Gene adds. “We have enough for everyone to try one. Except Gordon. He’s had enough.”

“Have not.”

The judges thank Gene and proceed to write on the notecard. Paul allows the other contestants to try one of Gene’s desserts on their way back to the hotel. They’ll learn who won the round in a few hours.

Back at Global Justice Headquarters, Ithro, Val, and Ryan have finally reached Rachel McKenzie. They’re simply shocked to realize she’s only sixteen. She’s already received the digital copy of the drive and gone over the case. She walks up to them when they hesitate in her office.

“Oi! I’ve got Harvey and Edwin working on the alias. We’re going to get these crooks. What do you know about Magnus?”

The teenagers shrug, and Ithro steps up. “All we know about these men is what’s on the drive. Ma’am.”

Rachel nods. “I thought as much. Did Kuki send back her analysis?”

“Got it,” Peter pops in with the paper. “Magnus has a son. A junior who attends East Oaks High.”

Val watches as Peter pops in. he barely notices the older teenager talking a mile a minute. He wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s in love, but he wouldn’t mind trading numbers to keep in contact after having sex. For some reason, however, he’s speechless when he tries to speak.

“Shit.” Rachel sighs. “Does he have anyne else living with him?”

Peter scans the paper. “Yes. It says here, he has a live-in mentor named Ivon Mackay.”

“Someone, run a background check on this Ivon Mackay!” Rachel shouts.

“On it, Miss McKenzie!” A French girl’s voice calls out from the back.

It puzzles Rachel. “Marinette, aren’t you supposed to be in New York?”

“I was eliminated, Miss!” She calls back.

“Sorry to hear. Carry on!” Rachel then turns back to the boys. “You’re welcome to stay if you’re willing to put in the work.”

Ithro and Ryan nod, but Val steps away. “I’ll be back, but I need to find my brother.”

“Is he an agent here?” Rachel asks.

Val nods. “Everett Backstrom.”

“I know him.” She gives him a sharp look. “Works under Fanny Albright. Two hallways back. Can’t miss it.”

“Thank you!”

Hours later, the bakers ask that all the contestants convene in the main lobby. There are no eliminations, to everyone’s surprise. Instead, Gene and Gordon have won Kitchen Aid baking equipment. After the prize is handed out, the contestants are free to do what they want for the rest of the night.

In East Oaks headed toward the edge of Chino, Patrick walks into the rickety trailer. His dad is in a drunken rage, raving on about someone named Breton and German towns. Patrick chooses to ignore him and silently bless his quick reflexes to dodge an aimed Miller bottle. They live in the same mobile home that they had years ago. His sister’s locked bedroom is still drenched in pink-soaked paint.

He picks the lock from the other side and steps inside. He locks it before his dad can get there. There are foam letters above the set-up tea party that spell out ‘Charlie’. Patrick’s gaze focuses on the bloody smile on the wall above her nicely made bed. The blonde teenager ignores his father’s shouts. Fully clothed, he lies down, closes his eyes, and attempts to dream sweet dreams.

** Tuesday, January 28th **

“Good morning, junior bakers!” Duff calls out at seven a.m. “For the first challenge of the day, we’re looking at something low-maintenance. You will be baking a dessert within forty-five minutes, using no more than one pot or pan. Not both. I’ll give you ten minutes to decide.”

After ten minutes – which feel like only five – the contestants set out for the kitchen to find their ingredients. Kitty grabs a microwave as well; she knows exactly what she and Cam are going to make: dark chocolate bark. Cam has already coated and lined a pan for the oven by the time she plugs it in. Tobey sends Digit to find goat cheese, Bartlett pears, and a pomegranate. Tobey calls for his robot for honey. Funshine mixes sugar, cocoa, and salt; Emma adds in chocolate chips, almonds, and coconut. They’ve got the perfect cookie recipe.

Fletcher swats Gopher’s shoulder for eating the Cheerios being used as ingredients. Katara and Pinkie stir half their skillet cookie in separate bowls. Newt annoys Cat by barking since they’re making hazelnut puppy chow. Through his annoyance, Cat doesn’t notice that Newt grabs chili powder instead of cocoa powder. James flirts with Lex as they create silken tofu for their panna cotta. Andy watches over the oven and melting butter while Andy beats the eggs, salt, and sugar.

Piper gently folds each wonton paper diagonally, so the corners meet. Too neurotic to let AJ help, the latter girl lines a baking sheet and keeps plastic wrap on hand. Squidward heats honey and fennel seeds in a skillet, and Hamilton cuts figs in half. Gordon and Gene are stirring new spices into their gumbo. Oswald and Gil have a production line. Oswald spreads a tablespoon of cheese of one side of a butter-waffle cookie. Gil sandwiches it with another cookie and places it on a plate.

Julian collects some sparkling wine, and Alfalfa searches the spice shelves for tarragon. Mitch and Hobbes enjoy rolling the dough balls in sugar. While Lily gets banana, butter, and sugar fluffy in a bowl, Strawberry readies the eggs, vanilla, and buttermilk. Richie and Rick carefully measure their custard mixture to the Instant Pot. The while blows at a quarter till eight, and the judges test the dishes for their breakfast.

All is going well until they reach the puppy chow. What is supposed to have been bittersweet is instead chalky and spicy.

“What did you do, Livingston?” Cat hisses.

“I grabbed the wrong thing.” He answers, eye downcast.

Cat is about to verbally attack him when Paul steps up. “I am sorry, but this mistake has cost you a place in the competition. Please hand in your aprons.”

With Newt and Cat eliminated, the judges announce that another challenge is about to begin. Paul continues, “Dishes that don't need cooktops and ovens to make do exist. And you lot are going to have a half hour no-bake challenge. With ten minutes bonus to decide on and find your ingredients. Begin!”

Since Billy and Mandy are in school, Grim – or Torva – has seven hours to himself. Using his scythe, he cloaks himself. People don’t generally _see_ death or supernatural beings unless the beings permit it. Over the weekend, Torva has realized he can no longer reap or kill. His shroud manifests into a hoodie, and the weapon becomes an emblem on the shirt. He adds charcoal jogging pants and goes out to face the world.

He walks down to Jim’s Drugstore with intentions to try and help people. When he walks inside, the owner, Mr. Gage, smiles up at him.

“Morning, Sir. How might I help you?”

“I was t’inkin’ bout getting’ a job.”

“Well, how about you start off stocking? I have two boxes of candies over there,” He points. “-that need to be sorted on the shelves. Do that well enough, and we’ll talk about the job.”

“T’anks, ‘Mon.”

The no-bake challenge is over all too soon. A lot of the pairs have made something that has only taken them maybe fifteen minutes to complete. Piper and AJ proudly present their berry cheesecake parfait, expressing their excitement over the perfect layer of strawberries, cream cheese, and blueberries. Digit and Tobey walk up next, paying special attention to the milk chocolate drizzle on their Oreo cake balls.

Oswald and Gil show off the pecan placement in their basic pumpkin cheesecake bars. Emma is feeling ill, so Funshine takes over. She makes some designs in the whipped cream atop their two-ingredient chocolate mug cake. Katara points out the floating rings contained in their chocolate peppermint cheesecake in a jar. Gopher carries their Oreo Nutella icebox cake in an empty desk drawer. However, Fletcher trips while explaining its nature, jostling Gopher’s arm, and the latter spills it everywhere.

Andy and Merlin bring up Ghiradelli chocolate peanut butter bars; Lily and Strawberry have chocolate-covered strawberries. Richie and Rick have made microwave birthday cake truffles; Mitch is annoyed with Hobbes because he keeps nibbling on their peanut butter bars. Cam and Kitty walk up, having a hissing argument over when is the earliest to be drinking, to show their gluten free no bake chocolate cookies.

James and Lex have enough protein balls for each contestant and judge. Walking back to his seat, Lex saunters up to Julian and personally pops a ball in the latter’s mouth. James watches in amorous jealousy.

“I’m going to go into sandwiches after high school!” Gene proclaims excitedly as he sets down his and Gordon’s chocolate donut, Nutella, and coffee ice cream sandwiches.

Julian shoves down his discomfort and walks with Alfalfa to play with the peanut butter fluff on their freezer fudge. Finally, Hamilton and Squidward take center stage with their dark chocolate avocado truffles. While Funshine and Emma’s dish didn’t taste very well, Fletcher and Gopher have lost the challenge due to the tripping incident.

“This next challenge will be different than you’re used to.” Duff announces as Fletcher and Gopher leave the room. A chorus of groans sound out, as this is the third challenge in a row this morning. “One member of each pair will come to the front and pull a knife from one of these two chopping blocks. The knives are numbered from three to nine. There’s two of each number, and they will represent how many ingredients you will be able to use in this next challenge. Cam and Kitty?”

Cam anxiously picks ‘nine’. Tobey has seven, Funshine gets three, and Pinkie is excited over three – asking if Katara knows what this means. Apparently, it means they can use their imagination. Lex has four, Merlin chooses nine, and Piper comes up with eight. Hamilton comes back with six, Gil shows four, and Julian brings back seven. Mitch pulls out a five, Lily brandishes a five, and Rick holds out a six. Gordon doesn’t trust Gene with the ‘eight’ knife. The contestants return to their seats.

“Everyone will be making small desserts that people could bring to a potluck. Don’t make anything too fancy and stick to your ingredient amount. Before the challenge, I need everyone to rearrange. If you have three ingredients, move to the stations in the back.” He pauses as Funshine, Emma, Pinkie, and Katara do so. “Fours in front of them, and so on.”

Lex, James, Gil, and Oswald are in the second row from the back. Mitch, Hobbes, Lily, and Strawberry take the next row. Richie, Rick, Hamilton, and Squidward are next. Tobey, Digit, Julian, and Alfalfa have seven. Piper, AJ, Gene, and Gordon are at the second to front row. Cam, Kitty, Andy, and Merlin then sit up front.

“There’s a little more time on this one. You have an hour. Let’s get started!”

Lucy pulls out her 5 Gum in ISS, asking TJ if he wants another for another quarter.

“Nah, I’m good.” He whispers. “I’m trying to break out of here. Do you have any scissors?”

She scoffs, but Jeff nudges his arm on the side. The cocky teen doesn’t look away from his law book as he hands TJ a pair of scissors under the table. TJ pulls out the flashlight from yesterday and empties a battery. Using the scissors, TJ carefully lengthwise cuts the gum wrapper into three strips. The red-capped boy tries to use a ruler to measure, but Kevin pssts at him.

“Hey, dork.”

Kevin underhand tosses him a tape measure that he uses on his bike. TJ nods and measures 1/16th of an inch at the center of the three strips. Using the wrapper and battery, he starts a small flame. Kevin notices and inches over to Colin by the window. They carefully unscrew the bars holding the frame in place on the bottom and sides. Jeff and Lucy pull Wally up to Miss Fowl and turn her around so they can talk as though they’re angry at something Wally is doing. TJ transfers his flame from the battery to the tinder he’s got on his desk.

Noticing the distraction, TJ grabs Wally’s empty backpack and sets the tinder on it. He sparks the gum wrapper, starting the fire. With the edge of his jacket, he quickly touches the foil side of each end of the gum wrapper to the positive and negative ends of the battery. The flame arises, and TJ climbs onto Kevin’s desk. It’s the closest desk to the smoke detector. The alarm goes off, and TJ drops to his seat. Colin and Kevin sit away from the window, and the sprinkler put out the fire by the time Miss Fowl turns around.

The ISS kids, and everyone else in the school, are sent outside while the fire department is called. TJ, Wally, Kevin, Lucy, Jeff, and Colin break away and hang out with other people in the chaos.

“That was cool, Teej.” Molly congratulates him, lightly punching his arm.

“Tender, TJ.” Tony compliments him.

“Where’d you get the battery?” Mailbox asks.

Cindy answers before TJ. “He got it from Fallon’s flashlight, remember?”

“Colin, actually.” TJ correct the kid’s name.

Val, Ithro, and Ryan have skipped school again to help Rachel’s Global Justice sector. Harvey is very adamant about not being touched and working alone. Marinette accepts Ryan’s help after the two compliment clothing choices. They’re searching through facial recognition software. Edwin accepts Ithro’s help, as each of their strengths are the other’s weaknesses. Val brings coffees in for Peter.

“Damn, this place is a mess.”

“Would a coffee help?”

Peter sighs and takes the beverage. “Yes, thank you, Valentine.” He sips and smiles. “Is that your first or last?”

Val blinks. “First or last _what_?”

“Name.”

“Oh. Last.”

Peter nods and then lets out a grunt of frustration. “I think I’d be better suited for foot patrol.”

“I was just coming to issue the same.” Rachel steps up from behind the boys. “Neidermayer, do you want Danver or Chino?”

“I’ll handle Chino.”

Rachel nods. “I’ll assign Beetles and Sanban to Danver when they get out of school.” She pauses to look over at Val. “And take this one home.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

Val is curious abut Global Justice in general. He’s never met anyone from another sector aside from his brother’s. Peter tells Ithro and Ryan that he’s taking the younger boy home. He also goes through a weaponry and collects a knife, a laser, and handcuffs. In the garage, he finds his car, and Val climbs into the passenger seat. When they’re finally leaving, Peter speaks up again.

“I didn’t know Everett had a brother. It isn’t in his file.”

Val is a little taken aback that Peter’s seen the files, but he pushes the thought away. “We’re not technically brothers. I was living on the street. He gave me beer and a shower when he was drunk, and now I live with him.”

Peter nods. “I see how ‘brothers’ makes things easier. Do you go to Frasier DiMaggio?”

Val nods hesitantly. “What about you? Do you even have school?”

Peter laughs a little. “Of course, I have school. I’m a junior at Lakewood. I just have a lot of honors and AP classes.”

“You didn’t seem to recognize Ryan.”

He shrugs. “We don’t run in the same circles anymore. I knew him when we were kids.”

In NYC, the latest challenge comes to a close. “With nine ingredients, mainly an even distribution of sour cream and vanilla extract, we give you a yellow cake with chocolate buttercream frosting.”

Cam and Kitty have points docked off for using a frosting tub and cake mix. Andy and Merlin use real cooking apples in their one bowl crisp. Piper and AJ get a point docked off for one of their seven items in their dark chocolate raspberry tart is a packaged energy drink. Gene and Gordon’s cookie dough bark is a hit. Tobey and Digit slam their one bowl brownies with seven ingredients. Julian and Alfalfa are docked for adding a non-purposeful ingredient, graham crackers, in their cake batter dip.

“Using six ingredients, predominately puffed rice cereal, we made cashew butter scotcharoos.”

Rick presents the dish, and the judges love it. Hamilton and Squidward put a new spin on an old favorite with peanut butter banana s’mores. Mitch and Hobbes, Lily and Strawberry do very well on their five-ingredient dishes – whipped shortbread and peanut butter kiss cookies. Lex and James expertly make Almond Joy cookies from four ingredients, none of it candy. Gil and Oswald are docked for including freezer pop molds as an ingredient. Pinkie and Katara receive odd looks for adding sweet potatoes to brownies. Funshine and Emma carry out bonbons made with only cream, butter, and chocolate chips.

“The lowest scoring teams of this round are Cam and Kitty, and Julian and Alfalfa. Of the four of you… Kitty, Alfalfa… you have been eliminated.”

When they leave, Paul claps his hands for attention. “Listen up. Everyone is about to get new teammates and roommates. Some will be boy-girl. I need everyone on the far ends to step out and take a step back. Cam, Julian, stay where you are.” Everyone does so, and he watches. “Cam, join Andy. Funshine, join Hamilton. And, Katara, join AJ. Excellent. For this next challenge, you’ll be channeling your future college student. You’ll be making a simple dessert in true college student fashion. You have seventy minutes. Begin!”

Katara looks over at her new roommate and teammate. _AJ looks more levelheaded than Pinkie. Maybe she’ll prove to be more worth._ AJ doesn’t notice her scrutiny, the young teenager trying to decide what a college student would eat for dessert.

“Waffle on an iron?” Lex suggests to his new partner.

“Whatever.” Emma shrugs apathetically.

“How do you feel about cinnamon rolls?” Cam carefully asks Andy.

_Oh, God. I really set myself up for that one. This guy is so straight that_ “Sounds good, ‘hon.”

“Hon?” Cam repeats despite himself.

Andy winces. “Ooh, sorry. Is that a bad pet name?”

“You want to give me a pet name?”

“Yeah… is that okay? I really like giving my friends pet names. Merlin, over there, is Sugar.”

“Hold on. I’m sorry, but I’m confused. Are you looking for a boyfriend?”

Andy laughs, and Cam flinches, worried that he’s just screwed things up. “God, no! I have a boyfriend back home. His name’s Dylan.” Cameron’s face flushes in a variety of emotions. Andy smiles, “But, yeah. Cinnamon rolls sound good.”

Cameron nods. Quietly, he says, “You can call me ‘Hon’.”

“Cinnamon apples?” AJ asks suddenly.

_Yeah, this is going to be better._ “Sounds like a plan.”

“How about… edible bowls?” Gene asks, with his keytar as an accompaniment.

Merlin nods. “Made with cookie dough.” _My favorite_.

Gene waggles his eyebrows. “My favorite!”

Piper stares at Digit as they work on Nutella mousse. _This is definitely an amateur. He’s wearing sneakers and a baseball cap. What was his name, again?_ Digit doesn’t pay her any attention, mind set and focused on the work in front of him. Gordon pulls out yogurt, and Julian grabs the blueberries. The boys don’t bother with first impressions and get to work with their baggies.

Richie and Hobbes instantly get along great. They decide to make a root beer float. Mitch and James spend some time eying each other, and they decide on banana bread cookies after eyes linger on each other’s bananas. Lily and Squidward can’t agree on anything. Everything Lily suggests, Squidward shuts down.

“What excuse do you have over hot chocolate?”

“It’s… actually sounds pretty good night now.”

Gil is easygoing and easily agrees with Strawberry in making peanut butter banana bites. Tobey surprises Rick with his spicebot, and the boys work on their nachos in silence.

“How about peanut butter? We can stick the kisses to a banana and…” Pinkie’s voice grates on Oswald’s nerves.

The birdlike boy shoves another pile of Hershey’s Kisses in front of her to help him unwrap them all. The Kisses are going in a bowl. There’s a bag of unopened pretzels to the side, as well as a plugged-in microwave.

Peter and Val are out of their car, a dusty tarp disguising it. The boys walk down the sidewalk when Peter suddenly veers off into an alleyway.

“Why’d we go down here? This is the Knights’ turf.”

Peter climbs on a dumpster, patting it quickly. Val looks at him like he’s grown a second head, but the older boy pulls out a grappling hook gun. Val can only watch in shock while the hook latches onto a ladder on the fire escape. When it gets stuck, Peter holds onto the gun and pulls his weight by jumping off the dumpster. The ladder falls down, and the hook returns to the gun with a snap. Peter pockets the gun and holds out a hand.

Val playfully rolls his eyes and accepts the hand. Peter pushes Val ahead of him, and the boys climb the escape. As they scale it to the roof, Val speaks up.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on here?”

“Last known address for Magnus Breech’s alias. Malum Mercator.”

Val raises an eyebrow. “Is that Latin?”

Peter nods. “Literally means ‘bad merchant’.”

“Well, that was a dumb idea.”

“It was a dumb idea to climb the escape,” Another voice speaks up.

Peter and Val look up and see a pair of legs dangling off the roof. They’re connected to a teenager wearing a white wifebeater and a Knights jacket. He’s smoking a cigarette and watching them.

“Why’re you looking for Malum?”

“Atwood?” Val squints in the sunlight, recognizing the gang member as a classmate. He glares at him, and Val shrugs. “He owes us money.”

“I know you’re not in a gang, Val. Who’s your friend?”

Before Val can come up with a cover story, Peter steps into the sunlight and unflinchingly looks Ryan in the eye. “I’m the Coyote with a taser and a switchblade.”

Ryan keeps the eye contact, but he eventually climbs down. “Follow me.”

Ryan takes the other two boys through one window, where the room’s owner is asleep in bed. They walk through it, Ryan stealing a cigarette, and he leads them through a hallway. He knocks on a door, and a nearly naked tall kid answers the door.

“Whazzit?”

“Got a Coyote searching for Malum’s itinerary.”

The teen looks Peter up and down. He nods and beckons them inside. The teen, Boone, shuffles through a top dresser drawer and comes out with a burner phone. He scrolls through and then finally breaks the silence.

“Mercator’s working the Chipwood Alley today.”

Ryan nods. “Thanks, Boone.”

The cooking contest ends at 11:30. It’s made obvious that Lily and Squidward didn’t listen to each other – because the food tastes terrible. They’re eliminated. The others are sent to the hotel lobby, where their belongings are. There, the judges advise the kids to talk about their families. They’ve also got new rooms. Andy and Cam; Katara and AJ; Gene and Merlin; Piper and Digit are on the second floor. Julian and Gordon; Tobey and Rick; Hamilton and Funshine; Richie and Hobbes are on the third floor. Mitch and James; Gil and Strawberry; Lex and Emma; Pinkie and Oswald are on the fourth floor.

Andy faces Cam, pointing out the two picture frames on his dresser. “This is my dad. I live with him, and he’s an okay dad. His name is Vegas, and he used to be a deejay. And this is my boyfriend, Dylan. We’ve been dating the past three years. He’s working as a substitute teacher, and he wrote a book about the criminal mind.”

Cam smiles. “I think I’d like Dylan,” He pulls out his own frames and points them out. “This is my dad, Merle. I’ve got him taking spa days, and he gets me building furniture. This is my mom, Barb. She’s a very hands-on person. Likes to hug. This is my older sister Pam. She’s sensitive about sharing. I have two more siblings. Younger than me. But we don’t have many pictures of them that look flattering.”

The boys move into their room. Katara shows AJ a close-up on her necklace.

“This necklace was my mom’s. I live with my older brother Sokka and our grandmother. Our dad’s in the army.”

AJ smiles, holding the necklace. “My parents were the Romeo and Juliet of the Ball and Pearson families. They’re gone now, but I live with my big brother McIntosh, my baby sister Bloom, and our granny. Mac’s in high school. He’s a junior and everyone loves him. I’m missing them, Katara.”

Gene starts playing his keytar and provides a family photo. “My dad’s name is Bob, and he runs his own store! My mom is Linda. She drinks wine, and she snores! My older sister’s Tina. She takes a long time choosing this or that. And my younger sister is Louise!” The keyboard stop and he sneezes. “She wears a rabbit hat.”

“That was a… informative song.” Merlin concedes. He reaches into his bag and pulls out a ratty picture of a woman and him from a few years back. “This is my mom, Hunith. She raises me in Ealdor. Gods, I miss her.”

Piper tells Digit about Prue and Phoebe; he tells her about his grandmother raising him, but not why. Gordon shows Julian a picture of a short black-haired teen. a taller gray-white-haired kid, and a kid with a scar on his cheek.

“This is Blik, and this is Waffle. They’re my brothers. We were adopted from an orphanage long ago, but our mom Audrey’s sick now. Our butler Hovis is watching over her. This other one is Simon. He was adopted with us, but… _something happened_ , and he died.”

“That is sad. I don’t have any living family. I just squat in an apartment.”

Gordon’s eyes widen and then fall downcast. Tobey tells Rick about his mom and his favorite robot, Brutus. In turn, Rick tells Gordon about his teenage sister Alexis and their mom. Hamilton shows Funshine a picture of a redheaded girl and a strawberry blonde dog.

“This is Maggie, and this is Beast. Maggie’s parents adopted me when I was eight, but they died a couple years ago. Maggie decided I didn’t deserve to go back through the system, so we ran away.”

Funshine’s jaw feels unhinged. “… I live with my dad. He drives a hearse.”

Richie points out his mom, dad, younger sister Joanie, and his best friend Fonzie. In turn, Hobbes shows Richie the family who adopted him – his mom, dad, and younger brother Calvin. James twitches, but he doesn’t have any photos.

“I have family, but I don’t care for them. They said bisexuality isn’t real, so we don’t talk anymore.

Mitch, on the other hand, decorates his dresser with seven photo frames. “This is my dad, Jay. He’s a hardass. This is my older sister, Claire. She takes after him. These are my younger half-sister Haley, half-sister Alex, and half-brother Luke. This is my stepmom Gloria. She’s, like, a year older than Claire. And this is my stepbrother, Manny. He’s the same age as Alex and Luke, but he’s more responsible than Luke. But Alex is in eighth grade instead of sixth like the boys.”

James is flat-out confused. Strawberry shows off a picture of her mom at the grand opening of her Berry Café. She also has photos of her older sister Custard, younger sister Apple Dumplin, and even a small photo of her dog, Pupcake. Gil has sketches of his friends steamed to broken pieces stained glass.

“My friend Carlos, that’s him. Drew these out since we don’t have a camera or anything. This is Jay. He steals food for us. This is Evie. She’s like a nurse. This is Mal. Her mom hates everyone. This is Ace. He’s cool, and plus he’s the oldest of us. He found the shacks and hideouts for us. This is Snake. He’s always around Ace. This is Uma. She acts like Captain when Ace isn’t around. And this is Harry. He’s my best friend and I think I have a crush on him.”

“It sounds like you count on your friends a lot.” She smiles. “Can I ask you where your parents are?”

Gil shrugs. “My dad’s in jail, and my mom’s at the house. But I don’t live there anymore.”

Emma and Lex sit on opposite beds. “Well, here are my parents, and this is my sister Ciara. My parents are always fighting. Do yours?”

“No,” He shakes his head. “My mom died when I was eleven. And my dad wants nothing to do with me.” He looks in his wallet. “Actually, the only photo I have on me is this one.”

He hands her a wallet-size of a man seemingly posing for a badge photo. “Who is this?”

“He’s my personal assistant. Damian. I guess he’s the closest thing I have to family.”

Pinkie gleefully shows Oswald her many photos. “This is my Pa; he’s a farmer. This is my Ma; she is too. They go to church every Sunday and Wednesday, and they’re the only people who call me by my full name. that’s Pinkamena Diane. This is Limestone. She’s my older sister and she thinks she knows everything. She’s very grumpy all the time. This is Maud. Her full name is Maudileena. She’s older than me, but she’s younger than Limestone. Her voice is kind of dry. She really gets excited about rocks. And this is Marble. She’s our youngest sister. She doesn’t talk much.”

Oswald lets out a low groan. _Damn, this girl can talk. Makes me want to stab her in her fucking sleep_. He pulls out a singular photo of a blonde woman.

“This is my mother, Gertrud. I love her.”

At 1:30, the contestants are called back to the arena. They’ve got a new challenge.

“Now that you’ve learned more about each other and your families, you are going to choose between the two of you and recreate a favorite dessert that you would bring home to your families. You have an hour and a half.”

“My mom loves red velvet bread pudding,” Cam offers, and Andy nods.

“My grandmother taught me how to make kale cookies,” Katara says. AJ is willing to try.

Gene and Merlin choose to make Hunith’s oatcakes. Piper and Digit decide on Piper’s Grams’s special apple pie. In honor of Gordon’s lost brother Simon, he and Julian decide to make carrot pudding. Rick and Tobey pick the latter’s mom’s pumpkin gnocchi. Hamilton doesn’t know anything about his biological family, and Funshine decides they can make gingerbread cookies. Pinkie and Oswald bake strawberry cannoli.

Richie and Hobbes make blueberry jello – which is a sickness stable in the Cunningham family. James convinces Mitch to help him make malasadas. Gil and Strawberry make snake cookies, a favorite among his found family. Emma doesn’t care wheat Lex does, so he makes a truffle cake like his mom made for his ninth birthday. Throughout the turnout at 3:00, Duff announces that Tobey and Rick have been eliminated.

“… because gnocchi is not a dessert.”

As the boys walk down the aisle, Emma stands up and holds her hand over her stomach. “Can I go with” she manages to say before barfing on some desserts, plus Lex, Mitch, and James. The boys are disgusted more than concerned. Gene promptly barfs as well, on some more desserts and Merlin and Piper.

“I wanna go home, too.”

Emma and Gene leave by voluntary ejection, thereby causing an unintentional double elimination. Lex and Merlin also become roommates, and Merlin joins Lex on the fourth floor. The contestants are sent back to their rooms to wash up. It’s just past 3:30. Zack Addy is on his way to Aesop Academy to visit his best friend Boone. Most people there call him Bug Boy. Before Zack walks in, something catches his attention. He almost doesn’t notice. It’s the soft flash of light reflecting from the sun.

Curious, Zack follows the light to the side of the school. A very pale boy with very dark hair is crouched in the garden area, soil staining his jeans. In his hands is a knife likely stolen from the canteen. The implications are obvious, but Zack doesn’t know how to go about this. He wonders if he should go get Boone, but his best friend also lacks social skills. As the boy brings the blade closer to his skin, Zack moves. He grabs the blade, letting it cut into his palm as he pulls it away.

The pained teenager stares as his weapon is being taken away. He looks completely clueless, as though he has no idea what is happening in his surroundings. Zack frets, unsure of what to do now. He doesn’t know this boy. He doesn’t know why he was doing what he was doing. Slowly, the boy pulls on his black jacket. Zack hasn’t bothered to wear a jacket in this unseasonably warm weather. Another voice joins them.

“Phii-iil! I thought I was coming over today!”

The black-haired boy’s bright blue eyes snap to attention. “Please don’t say anything,” He whispers.

Ethan walks over with a smile on his face. He lightly punches Phil’s arm in a teasing way. “Got you a boyfriend, Philly?”

Phil rolls his eyes. “Don’t call me that, Ethie. Nah, mate. He’s a friend.”

He nods and holds out his hand. “I’m Ethan.”

Zack mimics him. “I’m Zack. Um, I need to go inside. Um, bye, Phil.”

Zack turns on his heel and walks into the academy, trying to make sense of his day thus far. At five o’clock, the contestants are pulled into the arena for the final time of the night. Buddy, Paul, and Duff smile at the front.

“We’re going in another direction, now. Each pair will mix baking and cooking. You will be making either a stew-type or casserole-type dish with a fitting dessert bread. We are giving you two and a half hours to complete this. You may begin.”

Oswald instantly looks over at Pinkie. “We’re making my mother’s goulash.”

“Ohh! That sounds exciting!” She grins.

Mitch and James are in discussion over a stew or casserole they know how to make.

“Luke is vegetarian,” Mike points out. “We can make a tofu stir-fry.”

Cam smiles at Andy. “I have an idea, hear me out. Butternut squash bisque.”

“Ooh, I love a good bisque.”

Gil tests Strawberry’s positive outlook. “We can make grilled cheese people drowning in their blood.”

Strawberry merely blinks for a few seconds. “You want to make cheesy tomato soup? Okay!”

“My grandpa was a cattleman.” AJ tells Katara. “We can make steak and potato soup like he did.”

Katara smiles fondly. “Sounds great.”

“Mother B likes it when I make her a bean and spinach pasta bowl.” Digit informs Piper.

“Do you have any ideas?” Gordon asks Julian since the latter hasn’t been too forthcoming.

“I’ve always been partial to French onion soup.”

“French onion soup it is.”

“Ham Au Gratin casserole?” Richie asks, and Hobbes nods.

“Mother used to feed me chili casserole when I was ill.” Tobey reminisces.

Rick nods. “My mother used eight layers.”

“Let’s combine them, shall we?”

“You want a quickie, Blue Eyes?” Lex smirks.

Merlin isn’t so easily swayed. “Food or fallatio?”

Lex’s eyes twinkle, and the boys laugh flirtatiously. Merlin heads to the kitchen for turkey, tomatoes, mushrooms, and rice. Not growing up with a lot, he’s prone to having a lot of quickie meals.

“We can make a Hawaiian casserole,” Funshine smiles. “It’s like a farmer’s casserole, but with less meat and more fruits.”

At six-thirty, time is up. The pairs who made the casserole, however, are placed in the red light. It comes down to Tobey and Rick’s chili casserole, Funshine and Hamilton’s Hawaiian casserole, and Hobbes and Richie’s ham au gratin casserole. It falls onto presentation, and Hobbes and Richie are sent home. The judges bid the contestants adieu, and the others retreat to their hotel.

Less than an hour later, Strawberry is in a bright pink bikini. She walks to the back room containing the indoor pool. Gene is playing his keyboard in a chair to the side; his hair is still wet from the pool. Katara is in a sky-blue bikini, Funshine is in a bright red one-piece, and Hamilton is in blue swim trunks. Strawberry joins them in the pool. James, Andy, and Julian are playing billiards; Rick and Gil are in the same room, throwing Darts. Cam, AJ, and Pinkie are laughing at a table in the café.

Merlin sits across from the café, snacking on an oatcake. Lex walks by and passes him a flask. Merlin takes it and drinks from it without a second thought.

“Depressed are we, Blue Eyes?”

“Hmm?”

“You just drank whiskey without flinching.”

“Who has whiskey?” Oswald rounds the corner and snatches the flask from Merlin’s hand. “Thank God. I need to drown out that idiot’s voice.”

Merlin and Lex suppress grins. When Oswald stops drinking and makes to hand the flask back to Merlin, Mitch intercepts. The other teen sniffs first then takes a welcome helping.

“I have more alcohol in the room.” Lex offers.

“You’ve been holding out?” Merlin accuses.

“Didn’t know you drank.” Lex shrugs. “How old are you?”

Merlin crosses his arms. “What does that have anything to do with it?”

“I guess nothing. Let’s go.”

The twenty-year-old leads the two nineteen-year-olds and the twelve-year-old up to his room to get wasted.

** Wednesday, January 29th **

Torva arrives on time at Jim’s Drugstore. Bitzi Baxter walks in, asking for ibuprofen.

“Have a headache, Mon? Dat’s too bad.”

“Oh, yes.” She frets. “A headache is such an unfortunate sensation in my line or work.”

“Wha’s your work?”

“Oh, I work in the newspap-”

The door is thrust open, effectively cutting her off. Henson Kenny, a construction worker who specializes in demolition, barges in with a newspaper story in his fist. He ignores Mr. Gage asking that he stop upsetting the customers and architecture; his focus zeroes in on Bitzi. He shakes his fist and advances on her.

“You stupid bitch! You can’t publish a fucking story about me and the damn working girl! This’ll fucking ruin me!”

“Ye need to calm down, Mon.”

“Shut the hell up, Scarecrow.” Henson pushes past Torva and shoves Bitzi into a display pyramid.

Torva wishes he could reap the man’s soul. Instead, he grits his teeth and punches the man, hard. Upon realizing inflicting pain doesn’t hurt, Torva’s grin darkens. He rears back and punches Henson across the jaw. The man spits up blood, and his eye socket cracks upon the impact of the third blow.

“Fuck.” He swears, pulling himself to his feet. “I gotta get to work.”

Mr. Gage fires Torva after Henson leaves, but Torva doesn’t mind. He’s powerful again. To make up for elongated heat wave, Spongebob opens a bubble-blowing stand and hands out small bottles of bubbles to passing classmates. If he had charged instead, his business would be booming. Instead, Lakewood floods in bubbles.

At eleven am, the judges bring the final twenty contestants down for the day’s first challenge. Paul takes over.

“Now, we’re going to be making dishes based off mythical creatures. I need one person from each pair to come up here and pick a slip of paper. There are eleven slips here, so ne will not be used. You’re going to tell everyone and return to your seats. Then, you will have two hours to create two dishes resembling your mythical creature. Each contestant will make a different dish, but both dishes will be graded together.”

Pinkie and Oswald start off with a sphinx; the latter facepalms. Mitch picks a werewolf for him and James, the latter winking at Lex. Cam picks the yeti for him and Andy. Katara has a mermaid for her and AJ. Piper chooses a dragon for her and Digit. Julian receives the unicorn for him and Gordon, the latter dancing by his seat. _Unicorn is the easiest!_ Tobey reluctantly pulls out the loch ness monster for him and Rick. Funshine comes up with a leprechaun for her and Hamilton; it makes him excited. Gil has a centaur for him and Strawberry; both are confused. Finally, Merlin picks for him and Lex: a fairy.

“Aye, what sort of un-ee-corn da you wanta make?”

“I learned how to make a unicorn Frappuccino for my friend and his boyfriend. Then, there’s always rainbow unicorn cheesecake.”

“Mmmm… sounds like a great plan.”

“Rainbow cupcakes and pot o’ gold cookies, huh?” Hamilton throws around an idea, and Funshine is quick to pick it up.

“I know how to make fairy bread.” Merlin tells Lex.

The bald man nods. “And a fairy floss ice cream sundae. My nanny used to make those for me before she left us.”

Merlin only nods. This is very personal, and he’s unsure what to say. Oswald, trying to deal with a heavy hangover, suggests they make mummy marshmallows and a king tut cake. Also working through a hangover, Mitch decides to make silver bullet mints; James busies himself with claw blood cupcakes. Cam goes straight to the ice cream to make Everest snowballs, while Andy gets started on coconut honey cookies bites.

Katara happily works on replicating scales on cake, while AJ grabs some cinnamon sugar for sand dollar cookies. Piper easily starts in on chewy dragon tail curls, and Digit takes more time with dragon egg cake balls. Tobey works hard on his loch ness cupcakes, but Rick struggles with his royal Lochs of Scotland fruit bowls. Strawberry retreats to an old book, _The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe_. In it, centaurs had to consume foods that satisfied both their man-stomach and their horse-stomach. As such, she starts working on toasted sugar bread.

“… I am Beauty _and_ the Beast, I have plenty to say, But nobody listens because my”

“What are you singing?” Strawberry cuts Gil off, unaware of the vulgar lyrics to come.

Gil shrugs. “It’s a Buck 65 song.”

“I’ve never heard of them.”

He shrugs again. “My friends and I sing songs when we’re tired. Helps us get through things faster.”

Her eyes twinkle. “That is very smart.” She looks at his horse cookies. “Let’s sing a song we both know. Do you know ‘Here Comes the Sun’?”

“No.”

Lunchtime at East Oaks Elementary comes much too early for Joey. It’s exhausting acting cool all the time. He has no idea how others do it. When Mushi and Angelica try to drag him over to their table, Joey sheds his attitude. He musses his hair and tears off his shirt. He slaps the girls’ food away and takes out a candy bar.

“I can’t do this! I am not cool! I don’t have something to say for everything! And I do not share food! Leave me alone!”

Two hours pass by quickly. “… wonder what went wrong,” Gil sings, helping Strawberry with her sugar bread.

“Standin’ on your mama’s porch,” Pinkie sings along from behind them.

“You told me that it’d last forever,” Oswald doesn’t mind singing along as he puts the finishing touches on the king tut cake.

“Oh, and when you held my hand,” Merlin’s station is across from theirs, but he can clearly hear them singing.

“I knew that it was now or never,” Lex eyes his sundae.

“Those were the best days of my life,” Mitch and James have finished their dishes.

The eight contestants sing for the world to hear in the last few seconds before the timer runs out.

“Oh, yeah

Back in the summer of '69, oh

It was the summer of '69, oh, yeah

Me and my baby in '69, oh

It was the summer

The summer, the summer of '69, yeah!”

All hands rise when their song ends, and it’s replaced by a loud bell. Being closest to the front, Andy and Cam are forced to reveal theirs first. Oswald is impressive, how he can sing while he works on an equally impressive cake with a hangover. Mitch, however, fails to make mints with a pounding headache. This is the reason he and James are announced to be leaving. Before they leave, however, Mitch calls for everyone’s attention.

“We have something to say to two specific people. My name is Mitchell Pritchett.” He walks up to the front table and dramatically climbs over it. “I have been staring at you since day one, and I’ve never done anything. This is me doing something.”

Still on the table, he crouches down and delivers a big, sloppy kiss on Cam’s shocked mouth. When Mitch moves away, Cam touches his check with his hand.

“My name is Cameron Tucker.”

As Mitch gets off the table, James has made his way to the back.

“Well, my name is James Stuart, and I need to fucking see you again, Lex.”

He’s bleeped as he folds into Lex’s arms. They kiss for all the world to see. When James pulls back, a very determined Lex pulls him back. Eventually, James and Mitch leave the arena, and Lex realizes James slipped something in his pocket.

_With Mitch drunk off his ass, I figured we might be leaving. Here’s my phone number. I’ll be waiting._

Cam and Andy are sent to where Mitch and James used to sit. At two o’clock, the contestants have their quickest contest to date: half an hour to decorate a plain white cake. Oswald and Pinkie spruce it in blacks and pinks. Katara and AJ adorn it in swoops. Merlin and Lex use sprinkles like faery lights. Digit and Piper’s looks mystical. Cam and Andy add cookies. Julian and Gordon add more unicorn vibe. Funshine and Hamilton’s cake is very bright. Gil and Strawberry have one side peppy and one side optimistically darkened. Tobey and Rick unintentionally smash their cake, and they’re eliminated at once.

After school – they can’t skip _every_ day – Ithro and Ryan are back at Rachel’s headquarters, helping Edwin and Marinette in their research.

“Right there!” Ryan gasps, having been listening to audio tracks through headphones. “Back three seconds and zoom.”

Marinette stops the attached video and complies. They find the very person that matches the voice on the blurry recorded video. Marinette hugs Ryan, and Ithro and Edwin run in.

“We found his name!”

“He has a record.” Edwin adds, subdued yet excited.

Ithro shows them the papers. “Alexander Benedict Jane.”

They dispatch Rachel, who in turn alerts her patrol agents. Wally and Kuki are in Danver; Peter is in Chino. He had persisted that he could handle the town on his own… although he didn’t tell his boss that Val decided to join him. Magnus is in Danver’s Bueno Nacho, speaking to someone in line.

“It’s a truly wonderful app. Gives a share of money for every step you take.”

“If you believe what you’re selling, you have nougat for brains.” A short teenager pops up from behind a booth. “C’mon, Sheila. He’s just trying to get your money.”

“Marlene,” She hisses. “Why do I take you places?”

“You’re my cousin,” She answers matter-of-factly. “It’s your duty.”

Magnus shoves the phone back in the woman’s face, and Sheila sets fire to it with the fire emanating from her hand.

“Walk away.”

Magnus turns with ashes in his hand, and Wally and Kuki instantly tackle him. The man is in handcuffs in the matter of a couple of seconds. They alert Rachel and head back to base.

After detention and soccer practice ends, Edd, Joey, and Rikki meet each other outside of Kelso’s Corner Store. Edd has a hangover, Joey is pissed off about maintaining the cool attitude and the detention he gained for flipping out. Rikki is worried about Ithro, since he hasn’t showed up again for soccer practice. He doesn’t want to admit how much he’s scared about the older teenager.

“These are just feelings. They’ll go away,” Joey sighs finally.

Edd merely groans in response, but Rikki glares at him. “I wish _you’d_ go away.”

At six o’clock, the judges bring the contestants back.

“Alright.” Paul announces. “We are changing your roommates again. We’re alphabetizing you, which will be similar to your upcoming challenge. As you can see, the stations have changed a little.”

There are only five tables on each side.

“AJ and Andy to the front right.” Duff takes over. “Cam and Digit behind them. Funshine and Gil, to their left. Gordon and Hamilton, behind. Hobbes and Julian. Katara and Lex. Merlin and Oswald. Pinkie and Piper. Finally, Richie and Strawberry.”

Buddy nods. “Now, for your challenge. Under your new stations are two random letters. You can bake anything that starts with those two letters in the next three hours.”

“What did we get?” Hamilton asks Gordon.

“Egh, ‘B’ an’ ‘W’.”

Katara and Lex have ‘Q’ and ‘T’. AJ and Andy have ‘E’ and ‘V’. Funshine is happy about ‘I’, but Gil distrusts the ‘Y’. Richie and Strawberry grab theirs at the same time: ‘U’ and ‘N’. Merlin grabs the two under his and Oswald’s station: ‘D’ and ‘A’. Hobbes bounces next to Julian with the letters, ‘L’ and ‘Z’. Cam and Digit close their eyes before revealing ‘F’ and ‘G’. Pinkie urges Piper to open her eyes to see ‘H’ and ‘C’.

“How do you feel about apple strudel?” Merlin suggests.

Oswald nods to him darkly. “And Death. By chocolate cake.”

A mysterious twinkle appears in Merlin’s eyes, but it’s gone just as quickly. Oswald watches the preteen a second longer and then makes a move on the ingredients. AJ and Andy agree on vanilla cream pie and elderberry pie.

“Blackberry cobbler.” Gordon tosses out, and Hamilton nods. “And watermelon ice cream.”

Katara and Lex groan aloud, trying to find something good. They ultimately decide on tapioca pudding and Qurabiya. Katara thanks Lex’s commitment to learning strange aspects of history for that last one.

“Upside-down cake!” Richie practically screams when he thinks of something they can make alongside nougat.”

“Yellow cake,” Funshine points out, and Gil nods. “And an ice cream cake.”

“The ‘L’ is easy.” Julian placates Hobbes. “Lemon bar.”

“Zucca.” Hobbes states. “We can make that.”

Julian raises an eyebrow. “What is zucca?”

“It’s a gourd. Like a pumpkin. We can make a zucca pie. A Torta di zucca. So then _all_ of it is Italian.”

“You’re a lot smarter than you look.”

“Okay, Cam. We’re going to make funnel cake and gingerbread bookies.” Digit tells him. “Let’s get started.”

“Cheesecake brownies it is. Have you thought of an ‘H’, Pinkie?” Piper asks.

“Yes! Honey buns!”

It’s dark in Chino when Peter and Val continue stalking about. They’re wearing dark clothes and blend in with the shadows.

“Were you ever really a gang member?” Val whispers to Peter as they climb down the fire escape of an apartment and the marital aide store – Dilopolis – beneath it.

Peter’s eyes darken menacingly. He maintains eye contact with the younger boy as he speaks. “Were you ever really a prostitute?”

Val’s gaze heats up, but he lets his eyes fall downcast so as not to do anything he might regret. “Crossed a line. Right. You don’t know me.”

“I’ll tell you a lot about me. Who I live with, crimes I’ve committed, people I’ve slept with. That one is just too… I don’t talk about it with anyone. Not even myself.”

Val understands, and his tension relaxes. The boys climb the low gate and sneak into the Northern Frontier Trailer Park. In the front lawn of one house, two teenagers have a lantern out, tossing horseshoes.

“… think we’re gonna move again, Buzzy?”

“Dunno, Dee-Dee.” The gruffer, shorter one shrugs. “It’s close to Steam Noir, though.”

“Is that why I had to walk home by myself?”

“You’re _twelve_ , Delancy. You don’t need to take my hand everywhere we go.”

“You’re supposed to be my brother, _Eugene_.” Delete turns on him. “We’ve been here a month. I don’t know where things are yet.”

Buzz huffs and Delete slumps on the concrete stairs. Meanwhile, Val and Peter have gone past the squabbling brothers. A redheaded elementary schooler is slumped on her trailer steps a few houses down. Her parents are loudly arguing inside, with the accompaniment of broken glass thrown around.

“Give me the fucking money, Jane.” A teenager demands of a certain blond man in front of a nearby trailer.

“I don’t owe you shit, Atwood.” He sneers, looking over his shoulder at the teen’s younger brother. “Up past your bedtime, ain’t you?”

The younger Atwood is silent, staring down the adult. He unsheathes a switchblade, but his brother subtly stops him with a hand at the side.

“Six-fifty, Jane. AJ’s going to be on your ass like”

“Lemme guess: white on rice? You fairies can’t do a damn thing about the cash flow, and I’d like to see your step-pappy _try_ to land a blow on me.”

“How ‘bout I give it a go?”

Peter walks out from the shadows, but Val stays rooted on the spot. The blonde boys watch as he advances on the taller man.

“Hey, Trey.”

He nods to the younger boy too, unaware of his name. When Trey nods, Ryan lowers his weapon.

“No need for violence, Mr. Jane. Let’s talk things out.”

“You want to talk, you fucking pansy?” He scoffs, facing him. “Alright. Let’s talk. You are nothing but a pathetic junkyard freak. Your daddy’s a damn transvestite ‘cause your mommy couldn’t make mil-”

In a flash, Peter kicks Alex’s shin, punches his groin, and tackles him to the ground. While the man is groaning in pain, he puts the cuffs on.

“Val!”

Shocked into moving by the name call, Valentine walks out from the shadows and over to the fallen man.

“Look in his pockets for his wallet, would you?”

Peter’s voice never changes tone, still mildly peaceful. Val does as asked and no longer has an questions about Peter having been in a gang.

“How much does he have?”

“Um, two hundred dollars.”

Peter nods, thrusting Alex against the side of his house, face first. The teenager looks at the shoes and moves onto his wrists. Taking a close look at the silver watch with the green coat and the black band, he quickly unlatches it despite Alex’s protests.

“Trey, here. It’s an eco-drive Promaster. Easily four-fifty.”

Trey nods and accepts the watch and the money from Val. “Thanks, man. You think about coming back to the Knights, you know where we are.”

Peter nods shortly and grabs Alex’s arm. Val follows, not willing to be behind the older man. Once they hit the alleyway between Northern Frontier and Dildopolis, Alex begins to wriggle. Peter is unfazed.

“If you try to break free, I’ll just taze you.”

Alex raises an eyebrow, and Peter shows him the taser clipped to his belt. It forces the man to shut up and stop squirming. Patrick watches the scene unfold from the shadows. Turning away, Patrick checks his wallet for spare change. Fifty dollars. It’s not enough to get him where he needs to go, but he can take shortcuts the rest of the way.

At nine o’clock, the night’s challenge is over. Paul alerts the contestants that the least creative result will lead to another elimination.

“The least creative choices we found,” Buddy watches everyone. “Were the vanilla cream pie, funnel cake, yellow cake, and nougat. However! Elderberry pie is unique. Gingerbread is Duff’s _favorite_ type of cookie. So, we’re down to yellow cake and nougat. Unfortunately, upside-down cake isn’t special enough. Richie and Strawberry, you’re out of here.”

Marlene wakes up in the middle of the night to scary noises. It sounds like the wind is howling in an icy storm, but in her room. She’s staying in a nice Chino house with her cousin and her cousin’s boss. _Sheila would only laugh. Say there’s nothing outside that you shouldn’t be afraid of in here. And her boss… oh, no. he’s liable to strap me in some machine in the basement. I’ll be fine._ She hears it again, and she climbs under her blanket. _But maybe I should tell the neighbors. The one with the explosives._

Patrick is out of the cab and has reached his destination after a few fire escapes and hurdles. He’s made his way to the East Oaks’ Children’s Home. _Okay… Kimball’s, what, fourteen? Maybe fifteen. It makes sense for the older kids to be on upper floors. There’s roughly forty kids in this building. And, with everyone sharing a room… there’d be about sixteen on the second floor, given the main living area is on the first. And maybe twelve or fourteen on the third floor. And that leaves about ten or twelve on the fourth, with whoever the admin is. Okay, so logic states Kimball would be on the third floor_.

Patrick finds a tree in the side yard with a limb that best aligns with a third-floor window. As he begins his ascent, however, he notices something shiny in the backyard grass. The teenager forgoes his original plan. He walks to the back, picks up the ladder and lines it up. It’s a natural ladder that stretches to the roof. Patrick has never been one for heights, but he’s ready to make an exception. Steadfastly and quietly, unwilling to look down, Patrick climbs the ladder.

_Please be open, please be open, please be_ … Patrick thanks whichever resident like to come to the roof to smoke, drink, look at the stars, whatever. He opens the door to the stairwell and makes his way to the third floor. A silent hallway greets him. He pulls his hood over his head and sticks close to the shadows on the left side of the hall. _Happy and Penny_ , Patrick reads the names on the nearest door and walks on. _Olivia and Dina_. Patrick notices there’s one more before looking on the other side. He crosses his fingers. _Ethan and Kimball_.

He jiggles the doorknob. As it’s locked, he starts to pull out a screwdriver. Instead, he pulls out his phone.

**|From: Blondie**

**|** _Can I sleep with you tonight?_

He can hear the phone play Clean Bandit’s ‘Rather Be’ in the next room. It’s slightly muffled and vibrating against something metallic, probably a lamp. It stops ringing and Patrick waits in silence.

**|From: Cho Business**

 **|** _Mental or physical?_

**|From: Blondie**

 **|** _Mental mostly_

**|From: Cho Business**

**|** _Do I need to pick you up?_

| **From: Blondie**

 **|** _Or you could just unlock the door._

Kimball stares at his phone. _How did he know I’m in the system?_ He shakes his head.

**|From: Cho Business**

 **|** _Let me get dressed. I’m on the 3 rd floor._

**|From: Blondie**

**|** _I know. I’m here._

Kimball sighs. He’s only wearing his boxer shorts, but he doesn’t bother grabbing anything else. He opens the door, and Patrick is leaning against the frame. Kimball takes one look at the taller teenager and beckons him inside. Patrick closes the door and then climbs into bed with his friend.

“Thanks, Kimball. Good night.”

“Good night, Patrick.”

** Thursday, January 30th **

Phil wakes up early, at six-thirty, to a text message.

**|From: Classico**

**|** _Happy birthday, lil’ bro_

“Who’s that?”

Phil’s roommate is very alert, clutching his teddy bear. Phil is used to the taller, more muscular teenager invading in his personal life. As he doesn’t have much of one, he doesn’t care much.

“Martyn.”

“Oh.” He nods and yawns. “Wishing you a happy birthday?”

Phil chuckles. “Yep.”

“That’s nice.” Kronk lies back down. “Happy birthday, Phil.”

“Thanks, mate.”

Cho wakes up at ten till seven like clockwork. He feels around the bed but is disheartened to realize the bed is otherwise empty. _There’s no reason to be upset. He just needed a place to sleep. He probably got into a fight with… whoever he lives with and wanted. Wanted something, I don’t know._ He fails to give himself a pep talk as he grabs his clothes. He takes a five-minute shower down the hall, gets dressed, and takes the stairs down to the kitchen. The kitchen area is basically two long tables that can sit twenty each, plus additional room for cooking purposes.

There are thirty-eight kids. With their facilitator, Nick Fallin, the table always draws to two spots left for the sleepiest person. He can hear the shouts over breakfast when he walks in. He scans over the first table to see if there’s an empty space. Victoria and Hester have chosen the head chairs. Joy and Melanie M gossip with Victoria; April, Boone, and Gemma flock to Hester. Dina and Olivia always sit together, this time near the gossipers.

_Looks like Boze has struck out with Olivia again. Mel C, Hunter, Connor… Emma, Penny, Mac, Lawrence. Lesley, Lance, and Daffy. No free space there._ Cho grabs a tray and loads it with French toast, strawberry jam, and an egg. _Ralph’s snagged the other head chair. Otto, Doogie, Shaun, and Norm. Where are the other young kids? Oh, they’re on the other…_

“I saved a seat for you, Kimball!” Patrick calls out from the table.

There’s one seat between the interloper and Spud. The latter is animatedly talking with Sock and Ari. Kimball blinks, and Patrick waves a mug in the air.

“I got you some coffee before everyone else took some.”

Cho smiles a little and joins him at the table. Martin taps the table and holds up the notebook around his neck. Cho looks over to read it.

_‘Patrick says you slept in the same bed last night but you’re not boyfriends.’_

Cho flushes instantly, and Ethan chuckles.

“I never knew you could turn that shade, you dog.”

In another area of the town, Gunther steps out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. His long black hair is still wet, and he’s headed to his bedroom for the hair dryer. His mentor stops him.

“Ivan, what’s wrong?”

“Eh, not sure how ye’ll take it, but yer dad’s been locked up.”

In shock, his towel drops. Ivan averts his eyes, and Gunther emotionlessly picks up the towel and retreats to his room.

“Thank you, Ivan. I’ll skip breakfast today.”

The Children’s Home kids board the bus to Aesop Academy – but Nick stops Kimball and Patrick, stating he’ll be responsible for getting the former to school. When the bus leaves, Nick brings the boys to his study.

“Kimball, not that we have anything against visitors, but why wasn’t there a forewarning?”

“I showed up at his door last night and texted him.” Patrick answers instead.

“ _Patrick_ ,” The man sighs his name in a warning tone.

“Alex was arrested last night.”

Nick’s eyes widen and his facial features soften. “Have you tried contacting Kiva?”

Patrick narrows his eyes, giving him The Look. Kimball feels so out of place.

“You have room here.” Patrick points out. “I can sleep with Kimball. There’s enough space, and we aren’t going to do anything. You trust me, right?”

Nick sighs. “Do you know what he did?”

He shrugs. “Probably a money thing. I think he owes five hundred to the Atwoods.”

“Damn fool.” Nick nods. “Kimball, are you open to sharing your bed with Patrick until farther notice?”

“Yeah.” Kimball blinks, very confused. “That’d be alright.”

“Good. Patrick, I’ll call… do you go to East Oaks or Frasier?”

“East Oaks.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to your principal while you’re in school. Let’s go to the academy.”

Patrick subtly nudges Cho’s arm and uncharacteristically gives Nick a hug, saying four words that clears everything up for the Asian teen.

“Thank you, Uncle Nick.”

Ryan catches up with Alvin, Simon, and Theo at their lockers before school starts.

“Guys! Your so-called uncle issue is gone.”

“They’re arrested?” Simon asks, clenching his history book.

Ryan nods. “Magnus Breech and Alex Jane. That’s their names. They’re locked up.”

“Thank God.” Alvin slumps against his locker, fanning himself with his English vocab booklet. “Thanks, Ryan. I gotta get to class.”

“Me too!” Theo runs in the opposite direction.

“Shall we?” Simon smirks, and the two boys walk to history class.

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _What’s everyone doing while I’m stuck in this squalor hole? Keep me entertained!_

**|From: A+ Girl**

**|** _Nice vocabulary, Teej. Reading the dictionary in there?_

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _Har, har. Word-a-Day calendar. Hello? Entertainment?_

**|From: Little ozzo**

**|** _Sorry, TJ. Not sure how entertaining classes can be. Especially econ._

**|From: Tough Customer**

**|** _I’ll trade you for biology._

**|From: Mailbox**

 **|** _Me too. I don’t understand Punnett Squares._

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _Wait. Why’d you change your name?_

**|From: Mailbox**

 **|** _Not into comedy much right now. I need to take notes._

“Mailbox,” Molly whispers to her classmate in the back of the room. “If anyone’s messing with you, I’ll take care of them.”

“I know,” He sighs. “You always say that.”

“And I mean it every time.”

At nine o’clock, the NYC baking contest continues. Buddy is the only judge around when everyone files into their respective stations.

“Today, you’ll be baking – but not with your average baking ingredients. We have nine cupboards to the side. Each of them has random food items in there. Your job will be to create something out of nothing within three hours. AJ and Andy, start us off.”

AJ is anxious, so Andy picks ‘five’ for them. They receive trout, pesto, cauliflower, capers, and pasta. Cam and Digit have walnuts, red cabbage, cottage cheese, honey, and habanero chilies. Funshine and Gil: vinegar, Salmon, maraschino cherries, fennel, and provolone.

“Question?” Gil raises his hand. “Why was the salmon in the cupboard?”

Moving on, Gordon and Hamilton: trout, Grits, Rabbit, Couscous, and vanilla. Hobbes and Julian: anchovies, Crabs, allspice, coconut milk, and black olives. Katara and Lex: buttermilk, almond extract, mascarpone, blue cheese, and clams. Merlin and Oswald: butter, Avocados, Chutney, Blackberries, and rosemary. Pinkie and Piper: corn syrup, olive oil, duck, cashew nut, and okra.

“Now, you don’t need to use everything, just a majority. You can also use whatever is at your disposal at your stations. On your mark, get set, Bake!”

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _I am beyond bored and my friends are busy_

**|From: Lemon Aide**

**|** _How flattering. I’m your last choice._

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _5 th choice, actually. I know other people at the school_

**|From: Lemon Aide**

 **|** _Getting better_

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _Well, Mailbox is upset for some reason, and the others aren’t typing back_

**|From: Lemon Aide**

**|** _Winter burned his jokes yesterday_

**|From: Red Cap**

 **|** _How do you know?_

**|From: Lemon Aide**

**|** _I’m invisible. I see a lot._

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _Why didn’t you stop him?_

**|From: Lemon Aide**

 **|** _Two reasons: 1, have you seen me? Winter would shove me inside a locker._

 **|** _2, Mailbox isn’t my friend_.

TJ’s phone vibrates at eleven-thirty. He had been working on grammar and is glad for a distraction.

**|From: Little ozzo**

 **|** _Did you know Strawberry’s on a cooking show?_

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _No. What are you talking about?_

**|From: Little ozzo**

**|** _I’ve had that riddle geek for my lab partner this week. I asked Mr. Lang where my regular partner was._

 **|** _She’s in a cooking show in NYC. WTF?_

TJ doesn’t know how to answer him, so he doesn’t try. He just sets his phone back down. At noon, the Cupboard Challenge is over. Katara and Lex win a prize of pre-made pie crusts for being the only pair to make a dessert: mascarpone cheesecake. AJ and Andy made a fusilli and roasted cauliflower with capers; Cam and Digit made pork and cabbage abodo tacos; Funshine and Gil made a salmon chopped salad. Merlin and Oswald made blueberry balsamic glazed rosemary chutney; Hobbes and Julian made crab puttanesca. Gordon and Hamilton, Pinkie and Piper – unfortunately – were unable to create a dish. Therefore, the four contestants are eliminated.

**|From: A+ Girl**

**|** _Hanging in there?_

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _Tammy the Tornado comics_

**|From: A+ Girl**

**|** _Explain?_

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _Got em from Wally. She’s a wrestler._

**|From: A+ Girl**

**|** _Wally’s a wrestler?_

**|From: Red Cap**

 **|** _No, Tammy the Tornado_

At two o’clock, the baking contestants return to the arena. The stations have changed yet again. There are ten stations once again, but the contestants’ places have changed. Funshine and Gil are at the front left, with Oswald and Digit across from them. AJ and Andy are behind Funshine and Gil. There’s an empty station between them and Merlin and Oswald, and an empty station behind them. There’s an empty station between Cam and Digit and Hobbes and Julian, then another between them and Katara and Lex.

Duff is up front for this challenge. “Now, we’ll be working on a _vegan_ challenge. There are six vegetables to choose from that’ll be your basis: broccoli, carrot, cucumber, celery, radish, or spinach. I suggest you hurry to grab your ingredients. You have an hour and a half.”

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _Have you talked to Mailbox?_

**|From: Tough Customer**

**|** _Someone destroyed his jokes I think_

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _Winter burnt them_

**|From: Molly**

 **|** _Son of a bitch_

Molly grabs her bag and leaves the classroom a minute before the bell rings. Her teacher calls after her, but the girl doesn’t hear. She has one thing on her mind. She stalks through the halls and winds up directly outside the biology classroom. The bell rings, and kids flood out. Molly sees Winter, and she pushes through the crowd, shoving him against a row of lockers.

“Got a light?”

He weakly smiles back. “You heard about that, huh?”

“Yeah, I did, you damn twerp.”

“How ‘bout we talk this out?”

“Like you did with Mailbox?”

Molly gets in a good pounding before teachers pull her away. She’s given a detention Friday afternoon. During JROTC practice after school at East Oaks High, the fencers notice a subtle change in Gunther. He seems less determined, yet laser focused. His tension has obviously eased much more, and Carlos decides to be the one to ask.

“Is there a reason for your better mood, Gunther?”

“I wouldn’t say _better_ mood,” He shrugs, parrying his sword. “Relaxed mood, you could say.”

“Alright,” Carlos nods, halting his practice with Terry – Katara’s replacement while she’s away. “Is there a reason for your _relaxed_ mood, Gunther?”

“Sure. My father’s locked up.”

Jane slips up, and Gunther pins her for a second. He drops his sword and helps her to her feet. At Aesop Academy, Martyn pulls up.

**|From: Classico**

**|** _Where are you dweeb?_

**|From: Amazing Bro**

**|** _Gym with Ethan_

**|From: Classico**

 **|** _A gym? JK, bro meet me in the lot. Bring Ethan_

Phil sets down his hand of cards and looks over to his friend. “You win. Martyn’s outside.”

“Oh.” The other boy deflates slightly and packs up the deck.

Phil looks back at him while he walks toward the door. “What’re you waiting for?”

“Huh?”

“Martyn’s taking us out for my birthday!”

Ethan instantly perks up and tackles Phil in a hug.

The vegan challenge is over at three-thirty. The judges are faced with cinnamon sugar radish chips, celery sorbet, chocolate broccoli cake, carrot cake blondie bars, sugar glazed cucumber bread, and vanilla spinach cake. The presentation is beautiful, and the taste is exquisite. However, one dessert must fall below the others. The chocolate broccoli cake fails, and AJ and Andy are eliminated.

Hours later, Phil and Ethan are fast asleep, and Martyn brings them to his apartment to sleep it off. Meanwhile, Marlene wakes from another round of spooky echoing. Still unwilling to tell Sheila or her boss, she grabs a flashlight from a drawer in the kitchen and goes outside to investigate the sound.

“A ssslimy beetle with demon's eyesss

Chewss through your sssstomach and out your ssssides…”

Marlene clenches the flashlight when the eerie noises turn into disturbing lyrics.

“You ssspread it on a sssslice of bread

And that'sss what you'll eat when you're dead…”

The lyrics continue to echo, and she follows the sound to the railroad tracks. It isn’t coming from Gotham but very close by. Her flashlight shakes as she attempts to ignore the lyrics and focus on where they’re coming from.

“And for the living, all is well

As you sssink further into hell…”

Marlene notices a loose grate sticking out from the old pipes. She belatedly curses herself for not grabbing her phone. However, since she can hear the singing in her room, logic states that her cousin can hear her scream. Marlene carefully lifts the grate and jumps into the concrete tunnel.

“And Sssatan tears you limb from limb

Your sssuffering will never end…”

Marlene quietly tiptoes, light shaking, when she hears a grunt behind her. She quickly shines the light in the interloper’s face.

“Would you quit?!” He hisses. “You’ll give away our position!”

Marlene lowers the light, recognizing the voice as her next-door neighbor. “Skipper? What are you doing here?”

“Investigating the singing, of course.”

She nods. “It’s just around the corner.”

“So, don't ever laugh as a hearsse goes by

For someday, you'll be the one to die

And when Death brings his cold dessspair

Ask yourself, ‘Will anyone care?’”

The song closes, and the voice begins to hum. Marlene and Skipper round the corner, expecting something truly horrifying. Instead, they face a shocked, hunched teenager with green-tinted skin.

“Uh, hi?”

Skipper blinks. “You were singing the creepy, echoing song?”

The teenager shrugs. “It’sss jus’ a song I know. This plassce echoes on it’sss own.”

“You have a lisp.”

“Skipper!” Marlene swats him. “Don’t be rude.”

“Sss’okay.” The teen shrugs again, opening his mouth and pointing. “Forked tongue.”

“Okay. I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’m Marlene, and this is Skipper.”

“They call me Ssnake.”

“Okay. Now, Snake. Do you know any other songs?”

He nods and begins counting them off. “Knife Game, Noossse Song, Lives of Flies, White Girls Fuck Dogs,”

Marlene looks more disturbed. “Okay, okay. Ugh. There’s nothing against you, but I don’t want to hear those lyrics when I’m in bed, and your voice carries.”

“Oh.”

“Is there somewhere else you can go and sing?”

“Sssure.”

Snake puts his hands in his pockets and walks away. Marlene and Skipper are at a loss, but they turn back the way they came. As they climb out, they can hear him start to sing again. Albeit, it’s more muffled, because his voice is traveling toward Gotham.

“Let's learn how to tie a noose,

It's easy if you're not obtuse,”

Snake continues his trek into Gotham, coming through his second round of The Noose Song by the time he hits Vile Valley.

“You take the snake and spiral down,

And at the bottom,

What has he found?”

Uma and Harry hear him and join in on the song.

“The snake goes into the rabbit's hole,

Then you give the top a pull,

Now it's ready for your use,

This is how you tie a noose.”

“Hey, guysss.”

“Hey, Snake.” Uma greets him, petting Harry’s hair. “Been practicing?”

He nods and nudges Harry’s leg. “He’ll be back when he winsss.”

Ace walks in with a lit cigarette in hand, joining his gang. The other three look up to acknowledge his presence, though he maneuvers to the old recliner. He grabs Snake’s waist as he sits down, pulling the younger teenager into his lap. The singer doesn’t protest and relaxes in his touch. The four gang members sit in a comfortable silence that stretches into sleep.

** Friday, January 31st **

Alvin, Theo, and David wake up at four in the morning due to a large crash coming from downstairs. David grabs the phone and unplugs the lamp next to his bed. Theo runs to Alvin’s room, and the latter is holding an aluminum baseball bat for a weapon. The trio briefly wonders about Simon, but another crash pulls their focus. As they tiptoe down the stairs, it becomes apparent that it’s coming from the basement.

“You don’t think Simon went down there first, do you?” Theo whispers to his brother.

“Nah, he’s probably got his earplugs in and didn’t hear anything.”

Theo nods but remains hidden behind his brother. David wonders if he should go wake up Simon, but he decides two boys are more than enough to handle for now. He’s still not used to being a dad. He takes lead on the ground floor and opens the basement door. The light is already on, and Alvin’s grip on the bat tightens. Some mechanical sounds are heard.

“Damn, that’s not right,” A familiar, frustrated voice mutters under his breath.

Alvin recognizes it and drops his bat. The noise startles the other party in the room, and the screwdriver in his hand bounces out.

“Oh. Hello, everyone.” He picks up the tool. “Is it getting late?”

“It’s getting _early_.” Theo corrects him. “We gotta be in school in four hours.”

Simon slowly blinks. “Wow. I guess I’ve been at this a lot longer than I thought.”

David yawns. “I checked in on you at eleven. All three of you were in bed.”

“You check in on us?” Alvin begins to protest.

“I know you do, David,” Simon talks over his brother. “But I snuck out after you left.”

“What is this contraption?”

Simon grins, unveiling the machinery. He flips a few switches and presses a button on a detached remote. Simon walks up and scans his brothers and adoptive dad. After adding the scans into the remote, he smiles and turns on the machine. It’s an android of sorts. Its head appears to be made of parts from a toaster, a computer, and a PlayStation. The rest of the parts look familiar as well. Alvin narrows his eyes.

“Is that my PlayStation?”

“The one you set fire to, yes.”

Alvin frowns and crosses his arms, but Theo doesn’t have the same issues.

“Cool! What’s it do, Simon?”

“He’s our bodyguard. I still need to work out some kinks,” He wipes away the grease stains on his arms and face. “And he doesn’t talk yet, but I can scan people with the remote and tell the robot who’s a major threat, and who’s an ally.”

David has reservations about the boys taking a potentially dangerous robot to school, but he’s also trying to get them to like him. He nods.

“I’ll call the school and tell them. Do you have a name for it?”

“Sure. This is Tex.”

David nods and goes upstairs to make the call. Alvin tilts his head.

“Why name it Tex?”

Simon hands him an Xbox game called _Outlaw Wilds_ in which the main character is an astronaut named Tex.

When TJ arrives at the ISS room, Wally is leaning back in his chair. His hood is up, and he’s likely asleep. Kevin, Lucy, and Jeff are playing Rummy. TJ walks over to Colin, who’s sketching a dragon rather than reading one of his graphic novels.

“That looks real good, Col.”

Colin pauses a microsecond at the nickname. “Thanks.”

“Cool if I watch?”

Colin shrugs, and TJ watches him draw until Miss Fowl walks in and clears her throat. The game is put on hold, and the kids return to their seats. Wally falls out of his, and Winter walks in. TJ can’t help but glare at him.

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _Guess who’s in ISS with me_

**|From: Lemon Aide**

**|** _Pretty boy Winter. You’re welcome_

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _What am I thanking you for?_

**|From: Lemon Aide**

**|** _Sending him to ISS_

**|From: Red Cap**

 **|** _Miss Lemon gave him ISS for that? I thought that was a single detention thing_

**|From: Lemon Aide**

**|** _It is. But I filled out the report as Winter threatening Nicolas and picking a fight with Macdonald._

TJ blinks up from his phone in shock. Menlo is a stickler for the rules, yet he was willing to put that on the line to get Winter in trouble.

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _How long’s he in ISS?_

**|From: Lemon Aide**

**|** _Up through next Thursday. Plus this coming Saturday detention_

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _Damn, Menlo. Thanks._

**|From: Lemon Aide**

 **|** _Of course. Friends help friends._

Paul, Duff, and Buddy call the contestants down to the arena at ten till nine. Merlin stretches on his bed, not wanting to get up. Oswald sighs also put upon, as he pulls on his black pants. Katara is already awake, allowing Lex to style her hair. Cam, Hobbes, and Julian are in their showers – Julian using Funshine and Gil’s. Those two are talking about what challenges are coming up and how they’re so sure they’ll win. Digit overhears them in the elevator.

“You guys know there’s only one winner, right? Eventually, they’re going to split you up.”

Funshine and Gil stop giggling and realize Digit is right. It makes things more tense. When they walk into the arena, they can feel the tension deepen. There are chef’s hats sitting on each station – one each – with a name. Funshine finds hers on the top left, and Gil’s is at the station behind her. Digit’s hat is across from Gil. The others soon file in and find theirs. Katara and Lex are in the back, left and right respectively. Julian is in front of Lex, and Cam is in front of Digit. Oswald and Merlin are on the left still; Oswald is behind Gil, and Merlin is behind him. Hobbes takes the last station between Digit and Julian.

“As you can see,” Paul gestures. “You’re working on your own from here on out. Congratulations. You’ve made in to the final ten.”

“Under your hats,” Buddy explains. “-are bowls of classic chili. You will be able to taste the chili and write down what you think is in it. Every bowl is the same.”

“Your challenge,” Duff steps up. “Will be to recreate this chili to the best of your abilities. The recreation least like the original recipe will be eliminated. You have seventy minutes.”

Lex closes his eyes and takes in a spoonful.

_Lean ground beef, ground coriander, tomato paste, onion, cayenne pepper, curry powder, kidney beans_

Cam steadies himself and takes a bite.

_80/20 ground beef, tomato sauce, salt, ground cumin, or is that coriander? Chili powder, or is that garlic powder?_

Gil takes in a deep breath before taking a bite.

_80% ground beef, tomatoes, diced probably, kidney beans, salt and pepper, onions_

Funshine doesn’t understand why she needs to know chili to be a baker.

_Ground beef, no, that’s beef broth, salt and pepper, red onion, sliced tomatoes, pinto beans, garlic seasoning_

Digit closes his eyes and readies himself.

_Lean ground beef, beef broth, kidney beans, cayenne pepper, paprika, fennel, salt and pepper, garlic seasoning_

Katara trusts her instincts since she makes meals like this at home for her and her brother.

_Lean ground beef, diced onion, tomato paste, kidney beans, cayenne pepper, paprika, salt and pepper, garlic powder_

Hobbes gives himself an internal pep talk.

_73/27 ground beef, diced tomatoes, pinto beans, salt and pepper, yellow onion, ground cumin, chili powder_

Julian’s eyes water before he takes his first bite.

_Lean ground beef, beef broth, salt and pepper, paprika, tomato paste, cayenne pepper, kidney beans_

Merlin resists the urge to use his magic to help.

_Lean ground beef, salt and pepper, diced tomatoes, tomato paste, kidney beans, pinto beans, yellow onion, olive oil_

Oswald mentally sends himself back to his dilapidated kitchen with his mom teaching him different dishes to cook.

_90% ground beef, yellow onion, tomato paste, salt and pepper, garlic powder, chili powder, paprika, cayenne pepper_

The next hour passes quickly, and the judges collect the recipes recreated. There were fifteen ingredients involved in cooking the original recipe: tomato sauce, kidney beans, diced tomatoes, beef broth, cayenne pepper, black pepper, salt, garlic powder, tomato paste, granulated sugar, ground cumin, chili powder, 90% lean ground beef, yellow onion, and olive oil. Oswald, Merlin, and Katara show the most promise with eight ingredients each. Unfortunately, Cam second guessed himself twice, and he came out with two correct ingredients. He’s sent home.

Down to nine contestants at ten-thirty in the morning, the next challenge is to create carnival foods. The options are deep-fried birthday cake, Mexican funnel cake, wasabi bacon bombs, chocolate covered pork rinds, Maui chicken in a pineapple, tater twists, fry brick, churlato, or fireball donut. Oswald gravitates toward bacon _bombs_ , and Katara eyes the pineapple. Digit loves birthday cake, and the pork rinds call to Hobbes. Lex _loves_ fireball, and Gil just thinks it’s fun to say ‘tater twists.’ Julian is particular to Mexican foods. Funshine chooses to go for the churlato, and finally, Merlin accepts the fry brick.

Each contestant is given a deep fryer and half an hour to complete the dish.

**|From: Lemon Aide**

**|** _How’s ISS with Winter?_

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _Well, he’s been asking to go to the bathroom for the past ten minutes and Fowl’s been ignoring him. That’s entertaining._

**|From: Lemon Aide**

 **|** _Shudder. I think I would’ve escaped by now_

**|From: Red Cap**

 **|** _Escape how?_

**|From: Lemon Aide**

 **|** _Air vent above the computer table in the back_

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _Not bad for an office jockey_

When Menlo doesn’t type back, TJ feels a little bad. Ultimately, he doesn’t know how to make it better, so he turns over his phone and returns his focus on Winter’s complaints.

The carnival foods challenge is over, and Lex is getting drunk off his fireball donut. However, since he doesn’t have a full dish prepared, he is eliminated. There are eight contestants remaining. The next challenge is to wake them up with espresso desserts. They have an hour and a half to make two espresso desserts.

The Latabæ High public address system crackles, and a deep voice carries over. “Winter Wolf to the Northwest parking lot immediately. To be accompanied by a faculty member. Winter Wolf to the Northwest parking lot immediately. To be accompanied by a faculty member. That is all.”

The kids in ISS turn their attention to the squirming boy. Miss Fowl stands and takes the key she keeps around her neck.

“Let’s go, Wint-aaar.” She squawks, turning around to the other kids. “I’m lawking the door, so you’ll stay put.”

As she leaves, TJ’s phone vibrates again.

**|From: Lemon Aide**

**|** _That’ll only keep them at bay for so long._

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _That was you on the PA?_

**|From: Lemon Aide**

 **|** _Yes. Now, quickly! Escape!_

TJ gasps at his phone and looks around. He moves two keyboards and climbs onto the computer table. When he pulls off the vent cover, he looks back at the others, who’ve got their attention on him now.

“You can come with me, or you can sit here. But I’m escaping ISS.”

TJ pulls himself into the vent, and Jeff is the first one behind him. Lucy, Colin, Kevin, and finally Wally follow him. Unknown to them, Cindy, Mailbox, and Tony have snuck out of their classes. They’ve gone to the main office under false pretenses – Tony hit himself in the face with his locker door; Mailbox is pretending to be ill, and Cindy is there to fill out a request form to bring home more than two books at a time from the library.

“Hello, TJ’s gang.” Menlo speaks out from the desk next to the vacated Miss Lemon.

“What do you want, Menlo?” Tony narrows his eyes.

“I’m working here.” He points out. “I merely wish to know what _you’re_ doing here.”

“We’re helping TJ.” Cindy decides to answer vaguely.

Menlo’s eyes widen. His voice drops to a whisper. “You’re not trying to break him out, of ISS, are you?”

Tony frowns. “If we were, do you really think you could stop us?”

“You don’t understand. Their teacher left the room, and they're escaping through the ventilation system.”

“They're doing what now?”

None of them had seen Miss Lemon return, and now they’re in big trouble. TJ leads his ISS classmates outside by the soccer field. Molly and her friend Shovel are smoking cigarettes under the bleachers, and TJ leads them over. She almost chokes.

“TJ! What the hell are you doing here?”

“We escaped.”

She shakes her head. “If you had done this earlier in the week, I’d be impressed. This is the last day of your punishment. If Miss Fowl catches you out of the classroom, you’ll all probably get way worse.”

TJ winces. “Damn it!” He then turns to the crowd, who’s having the same realization. “C’mon, guys. We gotta get back.”

They complain, but no one can retort. TJ and Molly help lift everyone back into the vent. They start crawling, and Molly and Shovel replace the grate cover. As they do, Mr. Haney rounds the corner and busts them for being out of class and smoking.

“Let’s go to the office. It’s two-hour Saturday detention for the both of you.”

TJ and the gang reach the ISS room after two classroom fails. Jeff and Colin are the first two to climb out. They try to help the others out, so it goes faster. Lucy gets out, and Kevin is halfway out when the classroom door opens.

“Whaaat on earth are you kids dooooing?”

**|From: Red Cap**

**|** _Busted._

| **From: Lemon Aide**

 **|** _You’re not the only one._

It’s two o’clock, and the espresso desserts are ready for taste testing. Unfortunately, Funshine, Gil, and Merlin are called up. Gil and Merlin made buttercream, so their success relies on their second idea. Gil made espresso chocolate bombs, and Merlin made pumpkin spice espresso donuts. Merlin wins over Gil, but Funshine is reprimanded.

“It tastes of Starbucks.”

“It was in the kitchen.” She nods.

Buddy’s eyes widen. “Did you use my coffee that I left in there?”

“Yes. It was in the kitchen.”

Funshine’s fate is put on hold, and they taste her vegan cheesecake bars. Gil is the only person eliminated. The next challenge is to add a twist on some sort of snack that would be eaten at a hockey game party. Just an hour later, time is up. Julian, Hobbes, and Funshine are excited about this one. They love hockey – and have respectively made spicy potato skins, crispy fried pickles, and spicy macaroni bake. Digit and Merlin are wary. They’ve been to one game each, and one of those was a kids’ game.

They’ve respectively made chocolate covered potato chips and spinach tacos. Katara and Oswald know nothing about hockey. They’ve respectively made baked avocado fries and sriracha soft pretzels simply because _they sound_ like game foods. Luckily, everything is viable, but the tacos aren’t up to the top tier level. Merlin is eliminated.

The kids are sent back to their rooms. Katara, Digit, Funshine, and Oswald have been left without a roommate.

Molly, Shovel, and Winter are stuck in detention with Mr. Marco. He gives them busy work, and they just need to stay quiet for the hour that they’re in there.

Strawberry lands at the airport and texts her friends when she’s in her taxi.

**|From: Berry Blast**

**|** _I’m back_

**|From: Numbuh 3**

**|** _Did you win?_

**|From: Berry Blast**

**|** _No, but Katara’s still in_

**|From: Sweet Sally**

 **|** _We haven’t seen the episode where you lost_

**|From: Berry Blast**

 **|** _Really? How far are they behind?_

**|From: Sandwich King**

**|** _The one where you all pulled knives and made potluck desserts based on a certain number._

**|From: Berry Blast**

**|** _That’s a long time ago_

** Saturday, February 1st **

The final six contestants are woken up at five o’clock.

“For your first challenge of the day, you will have a race. We have everything set out for you to bake fifteen miniature cherry pies with a starfish crumble cover. Whoever takes the longest will be eliminated. Miss a step or an ingredient, you will be eliminated. And… begin!”

Funshine throws open her drawers, searching for the small circle cutter; Digit searches for the mini muffin pan, tossing the others on the floor beside him. Oswald digs into the cherry filling and scoops out what he’ll need for each pie, but Katara starts with shaping the tart shells. Hobbes and Julian are unintentionally helping each other by glancing at each other during the process. Katara finishes first, in ten minutes flat. Funshine finishes just a minute later. The boys glower at the girls for completing their pies so quickly.

Oswald’s station is a mess, but the pies look remotely perfect in fourteen minutes. Hobbes takes just four more minutes. Digit takes twenty minutes, but his food looks delicious. Julian scowls. He was so close, but he needed to make three more star shapes. He is eliminated.

“For your next challenge, everyone has five minutes and a microwave to bake any sort of dessert.” Duff grins. “Go!”

Funshine grabs her basket and takes off to the kitchen. Grabbing butter, vanilla, raspberries, sugar, cream cheese, and graham cracker, she races back to her station. She nearly crashes into Digit, who’s collected a slice of bread, a banana, an egg, milk, and cocoa powder. Oswald has a basket of coconut milk, cornstarch, sugar, cocoa, chocolate, and maraschino cherries. The final five contestants are soon finished, and their desserts sit on their stations.

“Now, don’t think that’s _all_ you’re doing.” Buddy tuts. “We’re going to play a round of Musical Stations. Funshine, Digit, Oswald, Hobbes, Katara. Walk in that order, skipping the empty stations until the music stops. And go!”

When the music stops, Funshine is at Hobbes’ station, Digit is at Katara’s, Oswald is at Funshine’s, Hobbes is at Digit’s, and Katara is at Oswald’s station.

Paul claps his hands. “And now, you are tasters. It will be your job to taste your competitors’ meals and determine what sort of ingredients were used. As we’ve done in the past, if you guess the least amount of correct ingredients, you will be eliminated.

Digit and Oswald correctly determine over eighty percent of the ingredients and are safe. Funshine guesses 71%, and Hobbes guesses 60%, but Katara loses. While she guesses butter, milk, breadcrumbs, sugar, cocoa, and cherries are inside Oswald’s chocolate pudding, only the sugar, cocoa, and cherries are correct. It is _coconut milk_ , cornstarch instead of breadcrumbs, and chocolate instead of cocoa. Katara is eliminated.

The kids are told that their rooms have been cleared out. They’re changing arenas as well as hotels. On the way to the new hotel, the kids are told they will be sharing the Imperial Suite, and the arena will be in the hotel’s ballroom. When they arrive, not many people are there, due to it not being seven yet. The hotel manager, Mr. Moseby, greets them. With him is the hotel engineer standing in place of the usual bell boy Esteban – who is still at home until eight. The engineer, Arwin, enthusiastically takes their bags.

“I hope you enjoy your weekend here. Here is your key to the Imperial Suite. If you need anything, give us a ring.”

The judges walk away with him to set up the ballroom. Oswald instantly hands the key to Hobbes and walks away.

“Where are you going?”

“To find the kitchen. I need a peanut butter sandwich.”

The others don’t question the nineteen-year-old, and Hobbes grins.

“Who wants to come to the roof with me?”

Digit and Funshine grin, and they race up the stairs.

Saturday detention at Latabæ High starts at ten o’clock, and the room fills quickly. There are only fifteen seats to begin with.

Cindy Jeff Lucy Tony

Mailbox Colin TJ Molly Shovel

Wally Wheezie Menlo Kevin Winter 

The next challenge starts at eleven. The contestants are called back at ten till. Hobbes is rock climbing on the roof; Digit is also on the roof, playing arcade games. Oswald is playing Billiards, and Funshine has met the seventeen-year-old candy counter girl.

“Well, that’s my cue. Gotta bake something and hope I don’t lose all this.”

“Fingers crossed, Funshine!”

“Thanks, Maddie!”

There are only four stations in the ballroom. Oswald and Digit take the tables to the left, and Hobbes and Funshine are on the right. Paul steps out to talk first.

“We are delving into celebrity cooking. Oswald and Digit will work on Chrissy Teigen’s low and slow scrambled eggs.” Duff brings out two small samples for the boys. “Hobbes and Funshine will work on Marilyn Monroe’s stuffing.”

Duff brings out two samples for them as well. Buddy steps up to continue talking. “You will taste your samples, identify the ingredients, and recreate the dishes. We will taste and choose the best between each pair. You have two hours.”

Saturday detention ends at noon, and the students feel braindead. Mr. Lang kept his eye on them _the entire time_. TJ, Cindy, Molly, Tony, and Mailbox walk out together.

“That was not what I expected.” Mailbox sighs. “I even brought shades for the dance party.”

Molly stares at him. “Dance party? Where’d you get your information on Saturday detentions?”

He smiles shyly. “ _The Breakfast Club_. I love Judd Nelson.”

“We know,” She smiles, and the gang laughs.

At one o’clock, the judges start with the eggs. Between Oswald and Digit’s recipes, Digit has nothing to worry about. They move on to the stuffing, but Hobbes’ dish is drier than Funshine’s. It’s down to Oswald and Hobbes, and Duff steps forward.

“We’re going to have another celebrity bake-off. Kylie Jenner’s garlic ramen. Like last time, you will taste your samples, identify the ingredients, and recreate the dishes. We will taste and choose the best between each pair. You have half an hour.”

Oswald stares at his ramen. _You can do this. Whoever this Kylie is, you can make her dish._

Likewise, Hobbes stares at his food. _We’re going to make it to Final Three. We’ll get a cookbook. We just need to know food. Know the food._

After tasting, the boys run off to gather their ingredients. Oswald has everything memorized. _Egg, ramen noodles, garlic powder, butter_.

Hobbes, on the other hand, wrote everything down so as not to forget anything. _Two eggs, ramen, garlic powder, butter_.

Boil water, add the noodles, add the egg ( _eggs_ in Hobbes’ case). Guess the measurements. One teaspoon garlic and one tablespoon butter for Oswald. Two teaspoons garlic and half a tablespoon butter for Hobbes. Add butter, let it cook.

The boys present their dishes to the judges and, frankly, they’re scared as hell. Duff votes for Hobbes, but Buddy favors Oswald. It all comes down to Paul, and Oswald is declared superior over Hobbes in this challenge. Hobbes is eliminated. Oswald, Funshine, and Digit are the Final Three, and they are set free to enjoy the Tipton Hotel for the remainder of the day.


End file.
